Friday, November 17, 2023


Oh, I'm so guilty of this meme. I've been trying to model calm and supportiveness to the people in my life, but  I'm (not so) secretly spiraling. 

I have a Pollyanna-ish streak, so I keep thinking things will get better; also--I have privilege guilt, so I think things could be so much worse. And I have friends across every spectrum and I keep a lot of things unsaid for fear of hurting their feelings.

Unfortunately the events of the past month are bubbling up to the surface... of my skin. I'm all stress-induced cystic acne and anxiety hives so bad, I'll think of uncomfortable conversations and then just spontaneously erupt. This morning I woke up with scratches on my throat--probably from clawing myself in my sleep. I'm a mess. I feel SO bad about myself. 

I'm glad I finally told my oldest friend SD that I disagreed with them and we went back and forth over text for a while and finally realized we'd never agree. And then they texted: "I love you no matter what." So thankfully, there's that. And yet, I could imagine my kids, who are more radical than I am, scoffing at SD's love and saying the love of someone with those kinds of beliefs shouldn't matter to me. 

But it does. But also, I'm a mess. Follow me for more tips.


Nicole said...

Oh Maya. I'm sorry. Life can be so complicated. I had an aunt who was so loved by me. She was a very important adult to me when I was a child and she was honestly, one of the only adults who really made it feel okay to be me. So she was very important in my life. But it soon became apparent that her views (I'll let you use your imagination here) were very very different from mine. (she lived in the States). It became tense, and when she died, I mourned her in such a different way. It was so complicated and upsetting. Anyway, all this is to say that you can love a person who you may never agree with, and that love does matter. It's so difficult and complex.

Nance said...

Love that meme; identify with it strenuously.

I'm sorry that you're having this stress in your life, especially with a friend. That's incredibly hard. I hope you find a way through it.

Gillian said...

Sorry for you.

StephLove said...

I have found myself keeping quiet about the situation in Gaza because I have friends with very different ideas about it and feelings are running high on their FB pages. It seems so hard for people to see each other's points of view on this one. Just yesterday I did start commenting on a couple other people's pages, but for now I'm leaving it off my own page.

NGS said...

Relationships are so complicated. It can be difficult to know what's worth saving. I hope that you can find answers that allow you more inner peace.

maya said...

Nicole--Thank you so much for sharing that. I have a couple of aunts like that too, and SD is kind of like an aunt. Love does matter. And Love is complicated.

Thank you, Nance, Gillian and NGS. <3

StephLove--That's exactly it! Polls say anti-semitism and Islamophobia are BOTH on the rise as a result of the the last month... Untenable!

Sarah said...

I have not been able to wade in either. I get this.

"praying for peace/living with love"

The world is so beautiful and the world is so terrifying. Over 17,000 people have been killed by bombs and gunfire in the past eight weeks.....