Monday, January 16, 2017

Consumed

The children have left me
with this changed body
that holds onto their shapes
as though they're still inside

And the gulp of lovepride
worrylove happybrightfear
and other odd couplings
on the lip of my heart


___________________________________
Yesterday, lingering after dinner, smirky and teasing (and full of love), At and Nu told me that even if I was in a nursing home on Thanksgiving, they'd make sure to visit me (and feed me mashed potatoes). 

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Reader

The sky has never been a wall
it has no borders to speak of
it takes my troubles everywhere

It's true that light is rationed--
but it's abundant by my birthday
(though scant at Christmas)

So I can read a book all day,
All Day. In a cinnamon haze
my sweet, dusty feast

_

Friday, January 13, 2017

Moving

Today I have been moving
things across the table
as though a sudden ballerina
a flex of muscle and will
the shock of movement

Tomorrow's move might
well be a glacier
skeletal, powerful,
a dance in the register
of eras


Also, I love this silly song.


_

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Warmth


Sometimes it is the surprise present 
into our luggage as we said goodbye 
(a present I didn't find until weeks later 
because I left for the conference 
the very day we got home)
that is the sweetest
and warmest.

_

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

On Being a Life-long Learner

So a dear (old) student posted this on FB, and I agreed with it so whole-heartedly that I typed 'YES' in all caps. Then I got a little self-conscious about my all caps and tried to explain with "This election has turned me into that crazy, old lady who types in all caps." Instead I ended up going with: "This election has turned me into a person who types in all caps." Because "crazy," "old," and "lady" shouldn't be insults. Sometimes, I'm my own best student.

_

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Opening

on the seams of my skin
longing's
cyclone lament

once we were hungry

face to face
hand in hand
an eye for an eye

admiring in the orchards

quarreling;
the moon hemmed
in the tallest branches

wordy memories of feasts

the soar of the sky
the sail of my cries
the crest of a smile

on the seams of my skin


_

Sunday, January 08, 2017

Home Again

blueprints
assert architecture

photographs
foster green secrets

and every night
we feel starlight

every day, clouds
hold our hands

floating possibility,
parting the sky



_




Saturday, January 07, 2017

Friday, January 06, 2017

We've never had a real wood stove before


It's mesmerizing
and makes us smell like 
we're far better campers 
than we actually are

_

Thursday, January 05, 2017

Love Truths

Got home after four days of conferencing today, After dinner, Big A went upstairs and fell asleep, and then the kids went to bed, and then I made a late-night grocery-store run.

He showed up as I was putting groceries away and stood there (not helping!) throwing and catching a cauliflower (not helping!) and... I must have given him a speaking side-eye. To which he responded:
Oh. I didn't actually come downstairs to help you. I came because I missed you so much and wanted to see you. *Grippy-Hug*
This thing is sweet AND tough.

_

Wednesday, January 04, 2017

Conference Banquet

It was a great #SALA2017, and so glad I got to co-chair it with some wonderful and generous people. Here's a picture blurry enough to post without multiple permissions.


Monday, January 02, 2017

First Writing Project Together...


Saved as a Google doc with the super-serious title "BigDogandPuppy Project."

_

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Second Christmas

In YS, and the only picture I got all weekend was of the grandparents' goodbye...


_

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Lost in 2016





It's got to a point where I woke up around 3:00 am this morning to refresh NYT to see if there'd been anyone else after George Michael and Carrie Fisher.

_

Sunday, December 25, 2016

O Reindear


NuNu has been wearing her X-Mas jammies
(which have penguins in honor of her school writing project)
for at least 24 hours;
At slipped into his this morning.

_

Sunday, December 04, 2016

Thursday, December 01, 2016

"Arrival Times"

After three different emails with that ambiguous subject heading, K and I finally got together with our respective human offspring to go see Ted Chiang's stupendous, extraordinary, etc., etc. sci-fi short story turned movie Arrival.

It broke me. It's intensely emotional and threw me for a loop (haha). And the small blazes of happiness were because At worked out and shared the reveal way before it happened and my Nu pointed out in the first few minutes that "Come back to me" was used as a refrain. Before she lost interest in the movie and took a tiny snooze.

Speaking of which, it's the first movie in a long, long time that I didn't slip a nap into. I even napped during--please don't tell my kids--The Force Awakens.

Although they've known all about it for years.

_

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Post-Thanksgiving

FIL and step-MIL came to visit the day after Thanksgiving and rather than feed them T-day leftovers as I did last year, I made ramen (with really nice broth, loads of fresh veggies, and lots of add-in toppings: peanut sauce, kimchi, roast chicken, fried eggs).

At the end of the meal, step-MIL says, "thanks for dinner.. it was really simple and..." And she just trails off. Healthful? Flavorful? No. Nothing. I don't think she was trying to diss my food, it was more like she genuinely lost interest in completing that sentence.

This morning--being back in the kitchen reminded me--and I started to giggle about it and had to explain to the kids why. At says, "Yeah, I noticed that too." So we giggled some more.

And it's been our response of choice to everything..."It's really simple and..."

_

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Thanksgiving

Quiet, just us. But it turns out that there's so much to be thankful for. I read some of these entries and 



I weep from happiness and pride.















_


Thursday, November 17, 2016

XC Banquet

The last time At will make Coach D cry...

_

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

I solemnly swear



HOLY

FUCK.

NOW WHAT?




The kids and I turned up at the Mall for the rally, but they had already taken off... we did catch sight of them at College Corner though. They were magnificent.


_

Monday, November 14, 2016

A snippet from today

Nothing is the new normal.

But my kids are lovely.

We now live an hour away from work/school. And Mondays are especially long. At takes a course at the college, so we're here for 13 hours (8 am to 9 pm).

Today, I picked At up, we got our overdue flu shots, we got supermarket sushi, we got Nu from her Girls on the Run meeting, and had dinner in my office.

At was droning on about some election geekery. Nu and I looked at each other and simultaneously started humming Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" while At rolled his eyes. So we hummed louder and with flourish and Nu grabbed a chopstick and started air-conducting. It was a small, sunshiny spot of the usual crazy in an otherwise rushed and sad time.

_

Sunday, November 13, 2016

The Resistance








https://www.thedjtr.com/  Resistance

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Giving me life...


These Joe Biden memes are the only bright spot right now.
At is compiling these on a subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/JoeInTransition/

_

Thursday, October 06, 2016

An Hour of This

On the way to work today.
Thankfully, kid school was canceled
so I didn't have to juggle drop off
with office hours.

_

Wednesday, October 05, 2016

Knock-Knock



As she dawdled over breakfast (as my kids do err'yday)
she told me that when I had knocked on her window 
to let her know "snooze" time was over
and that she needed to *wake up now*

the knocking had become a part of her dream.
(Someone was showing her a script 
that had the words: "No, No, No"
And as they read it, they thumped the desk.)

P.S.
This photo is apropos of not much
but I keep it on my desktop
and it makes me smile.

_

Monday, October 03, 2016

Royal Blood


Story 1
After the parade with the other homecoming "court" families, I took the rained-on grandparents and younger sibs home to dry off, while Big A went to his night shift. So... At was all by himself when he was "coronated" as homecoming king. The video his teacher posted of the "coronation" makes me sad--At's standing all alone while all the other kids have at least one family member there. 

Story 2
I've been getting out of puppy poop-picking up and other gross family chores by jokingly claiming that I have royal blood via the padma vellama Dorakanti heritage. I don't believe in all that B.S., obviously, and I was merely being facetious. But I didn't realize how seriously the youngest human in the family was taking it until the day A asked Nu to do her "peasant" chores and she rounded on him savagely and lashed out: "Yeah, Dad! I get it from *you*." This happened at least a year ago, but we're still laughing every time we quote it.

And that's it. Two stories connected tenuously by the theme of royal blood/me being awful.

_

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Yeezy love

The pink Polo shirt is a nice literary reference :).

Saturday, September 10, 2016

A List

I hear you
empty hands,
open mouth,
at my back

I watch till all
the anger boils,
pops, peels, and
I have no choice

but to face you.
I fill my lungs
with screams,
devour the day.

_

Friday, September 09, 2016

New House

The trees tense like a tide

tunneling the sky's ocean

tree skin like coins peeling

from Lakshmi's lotus hand


Their roots keep buckling--

letters unpinning addresses

grow lichen hair, to honor

bodies/words not yet here

__


Thursday, September 08, 2016

The Ladies Finger

Don't know how I first came across it, but I love this blogzine--irreverent, honest, charming, and pathbreaking. It seems to be written and produced in India, but it's a great read for anyone with transnational feminist sensibilities.

Wednesday, September 07, 2016

First-Day-of-School Picture

Today, I dropped them off at school,
And later today, their picture makes me
look for them--a limp forerunner of our future

On Facebook,
it's people swearing (like with &%$# words)
how unbelievably big they've gotten

It's people remembering the 17-year-old
as a two-year-old clutching my hand
by the elevators

I want to lie down in the middle of my office,
close my eyes, and try to remember for myself
the years that are now ghosts

I swear they're the same from day-to-day
nevermind the stranger interpretations
my camera conjectures from year to year

*

Tuesday, April 05, 2016

Does this nonsense end?

Prehistoric Massacre Hints at War Among Hunter-Gatherers

"The bones at the lake, in northern Kenya, tell a tale of ferocity. One man was hit twice in the head by arrows or small spears and in the knee by a club. A woman, pregnant with a 6- to 9-month-old fetus, was killed by a blow to the head, the fetal skeleton preserved in her abdomen. The position of her hands and feet suggest that she may have been tied up before she was killed."

It reminded me of the open of the second season of The Leftovers, a show I watched religiously, helplessly, piteously-sometimes asking the family to be extra kind to me because I'd be watching it that day.

Monday, April 04, 2016

Après le diner


It's not much, really.
But, I can tell

our week's dinner
from the small aches

the burns and scalds,
and nicks they wrought.

But it is the half-eaten plate
that brings heartache.

_


Sunday, April 03, 2016

Ommm Grrr Ruff!


My loves have been barking at the 
Bodhisattva all morning.

Enlightenment ain't easy.

_

Saturday, April 02, 2016

Taxonomies


There are many types of dragons
but only three basic groups. (Nu)




Thursday, March 31, 2016

Happy as a Clam

sculpting these at the Gender Symposium today.

_

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Gender Diaries


TL; DR
I ask: Have you wondered...
Student replies: not before this class.
_

Saturday, March 19, 2016

First Rule of Cousins' Club

It's always time to jump on beds.

(Cambridge, MA)

_

Friday, March 18, 2016

Baby's First Business Trip

It was difficult to have At 
at the BPA state finals in GR
and be all the way in Boston ourselves.

We teased him about the Tucker Carlson bow tie
He cited Bill Nye.
He wins.

_

Thursday, March 17, 2016

ACLA Hotel (2016)

Kinda panopticon/Big Brother/
creepyyy af

_

Friday, March 11, 2016

Sunday, March 06, 2016

Saturday, March 05, 2016

Wishes (Jacob Philadelphia)


I've stashed this picture in so many folders...
that on my birthday, the kids printed it 
off the internet again (Sorry, Pete Souza)
and stuck it a frame for me to hang.

I'm fine with a third term.


If you need more: Why I Created #ObamaAndKids
_

Friday, March 04, 2016

Selfie Twister

Selfie Twister
on my birthday
(Picasso's pink phase)
_


Wednesday, February 17, 2016

I'm so Cheesy


While talking to a student
whose thesis work is
a term late

I encourage her
to make it better,
to tweak her game-

-it's a home run!
you're in the home stretch!
(She's one of our softball players.)


*

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Après le diner

It's nothing, really.
But, I can tell

our week's dinner
from the small aches

the burns and scalds,
and nicks they wrought.

It is the half-eaten plate
that brings heartache


*


Monday, February 15, 2016

I may never say this again...


For the second time in as many months
I had a poetry reading

First at the MLA meeting in Jan
And today at the college

I'm a bit aghast at this unseemly
and narcissistic frequency

*

Monday, February 08, 2016

"Innerview"

We talk about
diurnal longitudinal
repositories of
emotional artifacts

one of which is
curiously draining
out of my brain
and into my curriculum

_

Friday, February 05, 2016

The Odds...

What I wanted to say
when 
the student disputing 
their course grade
realized 
that I did everything 
ethically possible to help.



_

A New Generation of Hope

Nu's very stern letter to Gov. Snyder.
I didn't think her line, "This is the last time I'm telling you,"
would be conducive to a dialogue.

_

Thursday, February 04, 2016

Elections 2016

This or that--
I'm running away or
slowing/throwing down

in uncanny dashes
to interpret patches
of plaster and verse

But words in my mouth--
a delicate wheel of anger
will--still--demand love

_

Wednesday, February 03, 2016

Ride Home

O.K.
Actually, 
just needed it
to tidy my office a bit.

_

Monday, February 01, 2016

The Drop-off

"Later."
Their bodies hurtling
planet-like
in entangled orbits
of school, activities,
space

Till they return just in time
still the same
slightly changed
don't go
(don't die)
don't grow (so fast)

The passing touch
of their known hands
surges, deluges,
cracks open my heart.
I've never been easier to love.

_

This happened


I want to drop all the things I carry

I want to touch everything

Is there a world

under the snow

I want to know it