another day

why am I here bitten, forgotten 

arraigning a legacy of crazy

with remembrances

where my body and yours are

flattened by blank screens

and seen everywhere

why am I here, I wish you 

well, wish you could

just tell me

what will I not hear, this time--

more problems, every time--

no problem

I say--but there were always 

problems and prizes--

with surprises

I spy

 

sibling rivalry

birthdays and first days

It's my grandmother's birthday today, so this picture of her just before she got married at 16 has been doing the rounds on cousins' chat. As has something I wrote long ago.

First day of classes today... I panicked hard yesterday, despite having taught in person all of last year. But the usual combination of over prepping and the endorphin-adrenalin rush of being in front of a class kicked in and all was well. Finished up work with a small reception at the president's house for being on a search committee that met all summer long.

When I got home, Big A was napping ahead of a work-night, At was off canvassing, Nu was in the basement knuckle-deep in a paint project for a class. So I grabbed my Culver's dinner from L's fundraiser for Peacequest, queued up some Felicity on ye olde laptop, and ate with Scout and Huck for company. 

A bit of an anticlimactic end to the day, TBH. 

check-in

I video chatted dad for his birthday last night (by myself, it was already morning in Bangalore) and this morning (with the rest of the fam). Video calls are better than audio-only calls, because it's easier for dad to understand what we're saying when there's visual context. I wish I could have been there. I miss my parents.

<<<Amma sent me this picture of a long ago beach day--I guess the beach has always been a happy place for me. When I showed this picture to At and Nu, they chortled at tiny me. One of them claimed: "It's like you took your face and put it on a child's body." I mean, I was a child once.

It's EM's birthday too (just goes to show how astrology doesn't work as she's nothing like my dad!) and BS's first day as a prof. so I took them cake to sweeten their special days.

The rest of the day has been little fires and email fire-fighting and finishing up final edits and diagnostics... classes start tomorrow! I'm my usual mixture of yikes+yippee.

a loss

 

<<This snarky joke was made by a person I admired when they got Covid a week ago. This in itself was surprising as they were vaccinated, advocated for masks, and seemed so careful. 

I am in major shock from hearing that they succumbed to Covid yesterday. State lines seemed distance enough... not sure how to handle this eternal distance. 

RIP, amazing one. 

I find myself falling

I have tried falling down
the way you used to 
whole flights at a time

it's impractical

how it now reminds me 

of my grandfather

atoning what he'd done

--it's typical

what you did for laughs

he did because 

he'd left mother crying

made invisible

all the mislaid expiations

in search of love

where we are, the border

of admissible 

Pic: I turned in some stuff in on... Submittable. Ha.

the opposite of down is really long

remind me to take a step back
take in the silver habit 
of a grey day

pacing love and dissent, weaving
every day the excitement 

of reunion  

days we laughed, we sometimes

wept--from stories we heard

around radios

life feels so small it's basically 

one tunnel--just one that 

runs forever

Pic and notes: Early morning walk with Big A, Huck, and Scout. Grey day--busy all the way through and no good news at home (roofer canceled, Covid rises) or abroad. We were almost devoured by mosquitoes. 

overhearing

reaching in the way of breath
souls out as though flying

starting as newness does

language bends us to light
tethered to our affections
pointed as our engines 

it's crowded in the big sky,

friends--we have: planes, 

birds, satellites, choices

when it's so hard to listen 

what shall we do, indeed

for our use... for our ease

Pic: Late summer garden

snapshot

Nu didn't want their picture this year, so instead here's a snapshot of a busy day via a few minutes of family chat. 

At took his puppy sibs for shots and a groom, gave them their meds, cleaned Huckie's ears, picked up his human sibling from school, and as it turns out--was the one who reheated the pasta (I'd made at midnight) for our dinner today.

We joke about his post-college life at home being his adulthood "residency," but I can't imagine how we'd have pulled today off without him. 

Nu had a busy day and spent much of the evening finishing up school tasks and rewriting their notes--I love how hard they are trying to start off right this year.  

My day was packed, but I had a whole hour for lunch despite every morning meeting running overtime. I debated taking a power nap, or a walk, or doing some yoga on my Mirror app, or seeing if friends on campus wanted to meet... but I ended up doing email and doomscrolling. I'll do better tomorrow.

taking off

We're not even to classes yet (next week!) and already things seem really intense. Meetings all day, student emergencies, a million emails, seeing lots of people I like a lot... I packed a lot into today.

Also Nu's first day of high school. We did a terrific job of getting there nice and early, but I forgot to take a pic. Tomorrow's the first *full* day of school, so we've decided that we can fix our mistake then. 

Everything should come with a safety/retake feature.

Pic from last week: Fam ascending into the Carnegie Art Museum in Pitt.

everyone is celebrated

 

It's the 23rd and Big A's Boss Day. 

As a bonus, we're also celebrating Scout and Huck's Boss Day today (theirs is on the 18th but the rest of us were traveling this month). 

But wait there's more! It's also back to school celebration time for At and Nu (actually just Nu, but it felt weird not to celebrate At too).  

I guess I like celebrating this little family of mine.

<< I made Nu and At little gift bags with some school essentials, fun reading, and a fresh plant to care for.