Sunday, January 22, 2017
Saturday, January 21, 2017
Friday, January 20, 2017
Made it through today
I don't teach today, thankfully. K held a wake/media boycott of sorts at the bookstore and came bearing postcards for our senators. I showed up there, but was still shellshocked from the inauguration. I believe in deus ex machina. Then I went back to my office and read held a book.
After dinner (Chipotle # Resistance Party), left Nu with Big A after dinner and went to go see Split with At... Who had seen it with friends earlier today (At is a huge Shyamalan fanboy). Not that reality isn't scary enough.
We tried to get into the 9:20 show, but it was sold out (!) and so we sat through LaLaLa-the mediocre high school musical movie--before we went to the 11:55 showing. And *then* went food shopping at 2:00 a.m. and marinated and prepped until about 4:00 a.m.
Exhaustion will get me through whatever day it is right now.
_
Thursday, January 19, 2017
Monday, January 16, 2017
Consumed
The children have left me
with this changed body
that holds onto their shapes
as though they're still inside
And the gulp of lovepride
worrylove happybrightfear
and other odd couplings
on the lip of my heart
___________________________________
Yesterday, lingering after dinner, smirky and teasing (and full of love), At and Nu told me that even if I was in a nursing home on Thanksgiving, they'd make sure to visit me (and feed me mashed potatoes).
with this changed body
that holds onto their shapes
as though they're still inside
And the gulp of lovepride
worrylove happybrightfear
and other odd couplings
on the lip of my heart
___________________________________
Yesterday, lingering after dinner, smirky and teasing (and full of love), At and Nu told me that even if I was in a nursing home on Thanksgiving, they'd make sure to visit me (and feed me mashed potatoes).
Sunday, January 15, 2017
One more reason this week's going to be terrible for us...
Both of us
had put a copy of
in the other's surprise
Christmas stocking...
_
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Reader
The sky has never been a wall
it has no borders to speak of
it takes my troubles everywhere
It's true that light is rationed--
but it's abundant by my birthday
(though scant at Christmas)
So I can read a book all day,
All Day. In a cinnamon haze
my sweet, dusty feast
_
it has no borders to speak of
it takes my troubles everywhere
It's true that light is rationed--
but it's abundant by my birthday
(though scant at Christmas)
So I can read a book all day,
All Day. In a cinnamon haze
my sweet, dusty feast
_
Friday, January 13, 2017
Moving
Today I have been moving
things across the table
as though a sudden ballerina
a flex of muscle and will
the shock of movement
Tomorrow's move might
well be a glacier
skeletal, powerful,
a dance in the register
of eras
Also, I love this silly song.
_
things across the table
as though a sudden ballerina
a flex of muscle and will
the shock of movement
Tomorrow's move might
well be a glacier
skeletal, powerful,
a dance in the register
of eras
Also, I love this silly song.
_
Thursday, January 12, 2017
Warmth
Sometimes it is the surprise present
an old, dear friend slipped
into our luggage as we said goodbye
(a present I didn't find until weeks later
because I left for the conference
the very day we got home)
that is the sweetest
and warmest.
_
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
On Being a Life-long Learner
So a dear (old) student posted this on FB, and I agreed with it so whole-heartedly that I typed 'YES' in all caps. Then I got a little self-conscious about my all caps and tried to explain with "This election has turned me into that crazy, old lady who types in all caps." Instead I ended up going with: "This election has turned me into a person who types in all caps." Because "crazy," "old," and "lady" shouldn't be insults. Sometimes, I'm my own best student.
_
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
Opening
on the seams of my skin
longing's
cyclone lament
once we were hungry
face to face
hand in hand
an eye for an eye
admiring in the orchards
quarreling;
the moon hemmed
in the tallest branches
wordy memories of feasts
the soar of the sky
the sail of my cries
the crest of a smile
on the seams of my skin
_
longing's
cyclone lament
once we were hungry
face to face
hand in hand
an eye for an eye
admiring in the orchards
quarreling;
the moon hemmed
in the tallest branches
wordy memories of feasts
the soar of the sky
the sail of my cries
the crest of a smile
on the seams of my skin
_
Monday, January 09, 2017
Sunday, January 08, 2017
Saturday, January 07, 2017
Friday, January 06, 2017
Thursday, January 05, 2017
Love Truths
Got home after four days of conferencing today, After dinner, Big A went upstairs and fell asleep, and then the kids went to bed, and then I made a late-night grocery-store run.
He showed up as I was putting groceries away and stood there (not helping!) throwing and catching a cauliflower (not helping!) and... I must have given him a speaking side-eye. To which he responded:
_
He showed up as I was putting groceries away and stood there (not helping!) throwing and catching a cauliflower (not helping!) and... I must have given him a speaking side-eye. To which he responded:
Oh. I didn't actually come downstairs to help you. I came because I missed you so much and wanted to see you. *Grippy-Hug*This thing is sweet AND tough.
_
Wednesday, January 04, 2017
Conference Banquet
It was a great #SALA2017, and so glad I got to co-chair it with some wonderful and generous people. Here's a picture blurry enough to post without multiple permissions.
Monday, January 02, 2017
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
Lost in 2016
It's got to a point where I woke up around 3:00 am this morning to refresh NYT to see if there'd been anyone else after George Michael and Carrie Fisher.
_
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
Monday, December 26, 2016
Sunday, December 25, 2016
Thursday, December 22, 2016
Friday, December 16, 2016
Wednesday, December 07, 2016
Sunday, December 04, 2016
Thursday, December 01, 2016
"Arrival Times"
After three different emails with that ambiguous subject heading, K and I finally got together with our respective human offspring to go see Ted Chiang's stupendous, extraordinary, etc., etc. sci-fi short story turned movie Arrival.
It broke me. It's intensely emotional and threw me for a loop (haha). And the small blazes of happiness were because At worked out and shared the reveal way before it happened and my Nu pointed out in the first few minutes that "Come back to me" was used as a refrain. Before she lost interest in the movie and took a tiny snooze.
Speaking of which, it's the first movie in a long, long time that I didn't slip a nap into. I even napped during--please don't tell my kids--The Force Awakens.
Although they've known all about it for years.
_
It broke me. It's intensely emotional and threw me for a loop (haha). And the small blazes of happiness were because At worked out and shared the reveal way before it happened and my Nu pointed out in the first few minutes that "Come back to me" was used as a refrain. Before she lost interest in the movie and took a tiny snooze.
Speaking of which, it's the first movie in a long, long time that I didn't slip a nap into. I even napped during--please don't tell my kids--The Force Awakens.
Although they've known all about it for years.
_
Saturday, November 26, 2016
Post-Thanksgiving
FIL and step-MIL came to visit the day after Thanksgiving and rather than feed them T-day leftovers as I did last year, I made ramen (with really nice broth, loads of fresh veggies, and lots of add-in toppings: peanut sauce, kimchi, roast chicken, fried eggs).
At the end of the meal, step-MIL says, "thanks for dinner.. it was really simple and..." And she just trails off. Healthful? Flavorful? No. Nothing. I don't think she was trying to diss my food, it was more like she genuinely lost interest in completing that sentence.
This morning--being back in the kitchen reminded me--and I started to giggle about it and had to explain to the kids why. At says, "Yeah, I noticed that too." So we giggled some more.
And it's been our response of choice to everything..."It's really simple and..."
_
At the end of the meal, step-MIL says, "thanks for dinner.. it was really simple and..." And she just trails off. Healthful? Flavorful? No. Nothing. I don't think she was trying to diss my food, it was more like she genuinely lost interest in completing that sentence.
This morning--being back in the kitchen reminded me--and I started to giggle about it and had to explain to the kids why. At says, "Yeah, I noticed that too." So we giggled some more.
And it's been our response of choice to everything..."It's really simple and..."
_
Thursday, November 24, 2016
Thursday, November 17, 2016
Wednesday, November 16, 2016
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
I solemnly swear
HOLY
FUCK.
NOW WHAT?
The kids and I turned up at the Mall for the rally, but they had already taken off... we did catch sight of them at College Corner though. They were magnificent.
_
Monday, November 14, 2016
A snippet from today
Nothing is the new normal.
But my kids are lovely.
We now live an hour away from work/school. And Mondays are especially long. At takes a course at the college, so we're here for 13 hours (8 am to 9 pm).
Today, I picked At up, we got our overdue flu shots, we got supermarket sushi, we got Nu from her Girls on the Run meeting, and had dinner in my office.
At was droning on about some election geekery. Nu and I looked at each other and simultaneously started humming Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" while At rolled his eyes. So we hummed louder and with flourish and Nu grabbed a chopstick and started air-conducting. It was a small, sunshiny spot of the usual crazy in an otherwise rushed and sad time.
_
But my kids are lovely.
We now live an hour away from work/school. And Mondays are especially long. At takes a course at the college, so we're here for 13 hours (8 am to 9 pm).
Today, I picked At up, we got our overdue flu shots, we got supermarket sushi, we got Nu from her Girls on the Run meeting, and had dinner in my office.
At was droning on about some election geekery. Nu and I looked at each other and simultaneously started humming Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" while At rolled his eyes. So we hummed louder and with flourish and Nu grabbed a chopstick and started air-conducting. It was a small, sunshiny spot of the usual crazy in an otherwise rushed and sad time.
_
Sunday, November 13, 2016
Saturday, November 12, 2016
Thursday, October 06, 2016
Wednesday, October 05, 2016
Knock-Knock
As she dawdled over breakfast (as my kids do err'yday)
she told me that when I had knocked on her window
to let her know "snooze" time was over
and that she needed to *wake up now*
the knocking had become a part of her dream.
(Someone was showing her a script
that had the words: "No, No, No"
And as they read it, they thumped the desk.)
P.S.
This photo is apropos of not much
but I keep it on my desktop
and it makes me smile.
_
Monday, October 03, 2016
Royal Blood
Story 1
After the parade with the other homecoming "court" families, I took the rained-on grandparents and younger sibs home to dry off, while Big A went to his night shift. So... At was all by himself when he was "coronated" as homecoming king. The video his teacher posted of the "coronation" makes me sad--At's standing all alone while all the other kids have at least one family member there.
Story 2
I've been getting out of puppy poop-picking up and other gross family chores by jokingly claiming that I have royal blood via the padma vellama Dorakanti heritage. I don't believe in all that B.S., obviously, and I was merely being facetious. But I didn't realize how seriously the youngest human in the family was taking it until the day A asked Nu to do her "peasant" chores and she rounded on him savagely and lashed out: "Yeah, Dad! I get it from *you*." This happened at least a year ago, but we're still laughing every time we quote it.
And that's it. Two stories connected tenuously by the theme of royal blood/me being awful.
_
Sunday, October 02, 2016
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
Saturday, September 10, 2016
A List
I hear you
empty hands,
open mouth,
at my back
I watch till all
the anger boils,
pops, peels, and
I have no choice
but to face you.
I fill my lungs
with screams,
devour the day.
_
empty hands,
open mouth,
at my back
I watch till all
the anger boils,
pops, peels, and
I have no choice
but to face you.
I fill my lungs
with screams,
devour the day.
_
Friday, September 09, 2016
New House
The trees tense like a tide
tunneling the sky's ocean
tree skin like coins peeling
from Lakshmi's lotus hand
Their roots keep buckling--
letters unpinning addresses
grow lichen hair, to honor
bodies/words not yet here
__
tunneling the sky's ocean
tree skin like coins peeling
from Lakshmi's lotus hand
Their roots keep buckling--
letters unpinning addresses
grow lichen hair, to honor
bodies/words not yet here
__
Thursday, September 08, 2016
The Ladies Finger
Don't know how I first came across it, but I love this blogzine--irreverent, honest, charming, and pathbreaking. It seems to be written and produced in India, but it's a great read for anyone with transnational feminist sensibilities.
Wednesday, September 07, 2016
First-Day-of-School Picture
Today, I dropped them off at school,
And later today, their picture makes me
look for them--a limp forerunner of our future
On Facebook,
it's people swearing (like with &%$# words)
how unbelievably big they've gotten
It's people remembering the 17-year-old
as a two-year-old clutching my hand
by the elevators
I want to lie down in the middle of my office,
close my eyes, and try to remember for myself
the years that are now ghosts
I swear they're the same from day-to-day
nevermind the stranger interpretations
my camera conjectures from year to year
*
And later today, their picture makes me
look for them--a limp forerunner of our future
On Facebook,
it's people swearing (like with &%$# words)
how unbelievably big they've gotten
It's people remembering the 17-year-old
as a two-year-old clutching my hand
by the elevators
I want to lie down in the middle of my office,
close my eyes, and try to remember for myself
the years that are now ghosts
I swear they're the same from day-to-day
nevermind the stranger interpretations
my camera conjectures from year to year
*
Tuesday, April 05, 2016
Does this nonsense end?
Prehistoric Massacre Hints at War Among Hunter-Gatherers
"The bones at the lake, in northern Kenya, tell a tale of ferocity. One man was hit twice in the head by arrows or small spears and in the knee by a club. A woman, pregnant with a 6- to 9-month-old fetus, was killed by a blow to the head, the fetal skeleton preserved in her abdomen. The position of her hands and feet suggest that she may have been tied up before she was killed."
It reminded me of the open of the second season of The Leftovers, a show I watched religiously, helplessly, piteously-sometimes asking the family to be extra kind to me because I'd be watching it that day.
Monday, April 04, 2016
Après le diner
It's not much, really.
But, I can tell
our week's dinner
from the small aches
the burns and scalds,
and nicks they wrought.
But it is the half-eaten plate
that brings heartache.
_
Sunday, April 03, 2016
Saturday, April 02, 2016
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Friday, March 25, 2016
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Saturday, March 19, 2016
Friday, March 18, 2016
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Friday, March 11, 2016
Sunday, March 06, 2016
Saturday, March 05, 2016
Wishes (Jacob Philadelphia)
I've stashed this picture in so many folders...
that on my birthday, the kids printed it
off the internet again (Sorry, Pete Souza)
and stuck it a frame for me to hang.
I'm fine with a third term.
_
Friday, March 04, 2016
Wednesday, March 02, 2016
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oh, snap(shot)
Pic: I am well-loved tonight. Max and Huck are "hugging" me. Earlier this day, I tried to take a cherry blossom family pic outsid...
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Friends and old neighbors shutting it down in honor of John Crawford. _
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At had us pose for this pic up at Aunt R's place on Lake Huron so he could put it up in his dorm. "Don't tur...
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I have the feeling that I’m going to succumb to the season and put out a list of resolutions soon. Just wanted to establish this heads up th...