As did this quote from Robin Wall Kimmerer (Braiding Sweetgrass) that came to me via L:
"Even a wounded world is feeding us. Even a wounded world holds us, giving us moments of wonder and joy. I choose joy over despair. Not because I have my head in the sand, but because joy is what the earth gives me daily and I must return the gift."
Pic: This winsome chipmunk who lives inside my broken Buddha also brought me cheer yesterday.
I did not expect to be overcome by such crushing sadness today. I was happy to be headed home, but with the travel term and the wedding (two of my big summer things) safely in the past, all the things I've tried to set aside spilled over inside.
I guess there were fissures all along if I look back. My strangely titled post about cousins, for instance, is likely because I was trying to suppress having read about Dr. Alaa al-Najjar, the Palestinian pediatrician who had to identify the charred bodies of nine of her children after an Israeli airstrike on her home that day.
Another airstrike yesterday on a school being used as a refuge by families yesterday, and I think the fact that my tax dollars contributed to this and supports the systematic starvation of hundreds of thousands of people feels too much. All the donations we make personally will not help if there is no food to be bought. How have we--as humans, as Americans--let this genocide continue for 19 months?
(There was also the minor stress of sharing a hotel room with my kids, one of whom continued to feel a bit under the weather. Did I wish they'd do a bit more? Yes. Did I ask? No. I need to get better about this.)
Anyway, it all came to a head when we were dropping At off at her place. I started crying, then At and Nu were also sharing sad snippets and crying in the car. Big A was calling to find out where we were, but I couldn't even pick up the calls. Then At suggested a walk around the block to clear our heads. So we walked for a while... we found a small park and Nu and At gave the spinners a go.
Pic: Nu and At at the park. It made me smile to see my kids... acting like kids.
But first breakfast with Daria! The conversation was nonstop, tripping over the many, many things we have in common--teaching, growing up in a different country, poetry... And things we don't--like Daria's love for camping. I loved how she described the night sky looking back at her when she is in her tent so much, it became the title of this post. Both Daria and I are spare writers--we rarely have posts that are pages long--but we chatted and laughed our way through 2-3 hours so easily. I really, really, really hope to meet Daria again. Maybe in Michigan? The Midwest?
Another highlight was meeting PRS after years--we go back decades and she is likely the brainiest person I know and I love her so much. She is uncompromisingly honest, so when she says she is proud of me for building a home where my kids can chart "their comfort journeys home to themselves," it is something to truly treasure. She does not hesitate on calling me on my nonsense, and once I swallow my initial defensive responses, I can see where I can do better. PRS is writing full-time now--when we first met, she was doing something her parents wanted her to. I am so ready to see her long-form work in print.
Pic: Beautiful Daria gave me this exqusite edition of Anna Akhmatova's poetry that I will treasure forever.
Pic: Cousin K's friend who spent Diwali with us last November took this picture of me, Nu, and At before the evening festivities started.
A parade, party, people, people I haven't seen in years, dancing... I was so happy.
Nu was a bit under the weather (hence their mask), so I thought we should leave early. But the kids convinced me that At would take Nu back to the hotel and I should stay and enjoy.
And so I did.
When I texted Big A about Cousin N, he texted back that pediatricians are the best. (Cousin N used to be At's pediatrician when At was a toddler, actually.)
And Cousin K, the bride, has just matched with the pediatrics residency program at New York presbyterian. She's very good with kids too and the reason why Nu, so notoriously averse to big gatherings, decided to do this trip--because toddler Nu was a big fan of Cousin K.
And I hope At will have a good time at the wedding. It's her first big family gathering since transitioning. I don't expect anyone will be mean--everyone was simply lovely when we shared Nu's transition at another wedding, and there are other trans and non-binary kids in the family, but At might be the first trans woman. It's not a big reveal--I've had heart-to-hearts with my cousins about it + At and the kid cousins share social media, but there are bound to be people who will be finding out for the first time.
Pic: I caught sight of this pair of mallards in the pond this morning and was worried they might nest here, because I've done my reading. Baby ducklings would have been cute, but I wasn't sure if Max and Huck would be gentle with them, so I acted like a very noisy human and they decided to leave.
There's schadenfreude to those two horrible people having a snitty shouting match in public. But the horrors and the cruelty don't s...
