I did not expect to be overcome by such crushing sadness today. I was happy to be headed home, but with the travel term and the wedding (two of my big summer things) safely in the past, all the things I've tried to set aside spilled over inside.
I guess there were fissures all along if I look back. My strangely titled post about cousins, for instance, is likely because I was trying to suppress having read about Dr. Alaa al-Najjar, the Palestinian pediatrician who had to identify the charred bodies of nine of her children after an Israeli airstrike on her home that day.
Another airstrike yesterday on a school being used as a refuge by families yesterday, and I think the fact that my tax dollars contributed to this and supports the systematic starvation of hundreds of thousands of people feels too much. All the donations we make personally will not help if there is no food to be bought. How have we--as humans, as Americans--let this genocide continue for 19 months?
(There was also the minor stress of sharing a hotel room with my kids, one of whom continued to feel a bit under the weather. Did I wish they'd do a bit more? Yes. Did I ask? No. I need to get better about this.)
Anyway, it all came to a head when we were dropping At off at her place. I started crying, then At and Nu were also sharing sad snippets and crying in the car. Big A was calling to find out where we were, but I couldn't even pick up the calls. Then At suggested a walk around the block to clear our heads. So we walked for a while... we found a small park and Nu and At gave the spinners a go.
Pic: Nu and At at the park. It made me smile to see my kids... acting like kids.
17 comments:
What is/has been happening in Gaza is mind boggling and so, so sad. I often feel helpless, just watching from my bucolic place in NJ.
I hope being on your own turf will bring confort. Love the fact that kids are always just that- kids.
Daria from momofchildren.com
Sending you lots of love, my friend. It's all so hard and sad.
It sounds like you were so absorbed in your travels and the wedding that your mind temporarily took a break from all the sad things- and when those were over it all came crashing down on you. I'm sorry! It's always hard to come back to reality after traveling and special events, even harder with everything going on now.
I like how this post ends with your kids playing at the park.. just a reminder that there are still good things happening.
I think Jenny is very intuitive in her comment.
The world seems so huge sometimes, but the basics of humanity should still matter. Please remember that you continue to make the world a better place.
Take care.
I guess you had a lot of emotion bottled up while you were too busy to fully feel it and it's coming out now.
What's going on in Gaza is horrifying, but it's also scary to see how people (students and others) are being punished in the U.S. for speaking up about it and how universities are falling in line.
There are so, so many hard things in the world. I’m sending you Subway sandwich love, because the care of the one in front of us (or on our screen :)) is sometimes the only power we have! xoxoxo
Also, you don’t have to be perfect to be amazing! You shine!
-Steph
I agree with the others, you had a mental break from it when you were so busy, but also the trip was stressful (even if a lot of it was fun, it’s still stress) and the war and starvation in Gaza is SO HORRIFIC that of course you cried. I’m glad your kids took such good care of you.
Daria, sometimes--the contrast between my own life and the scale of destruction is particularly horrifying too.
Thank you, Love.
Jenny, Yes to all that. And I thank the universe for these kids with every breath!
Your precept of kindness where we are is a guiding principle for me, Nance. Thanks for the reminder. XO
Thanks, Gillian.
Those are definitely related horrors, Steph. The complete perversion of justice that represents!
Thank you, Steph! "The care of the one(s) in front of us" is lovely mantra. XO
Smiling at "good cry." I had another one with A, and was able to get on after that. You're so right being out in the world, and all of it, Jeanie. Thank you for your comforting words!
Gaza is an abyss. I think we're all collectively looking away to preserve ourselves...
Thank you, J--yes, these kids save my life over and over.
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