all dressed up

Pic: Cousin K's friend who spent Diwali with us last November took this picture of me, Nu, and At before the evening festivities started.

A parade, party, people, people I haven't seen in years, dancing... I was so happy. 

Nu was a bit under the weather (hence their mask), so I  thought we should leave early. But the kids convinced me that At would take Nu back to the hotel and I should stay and enjoy. 

And so I did.

"pediatricians are the best"

Pic: Cousin N took this picture of At and me with our fresh wedding henna. Earlier, when she saw At, she took one look and swept in for a big hug saying At looked beautiful. She didn't pause for questions about names, pronouns, histories... At beamed. There's such a sense of relief being with my kids in an accepting place. 

When I texted Big A about Cousin N, he texted back that pediatricians are the best. (Cousin N used to be At's pediatrician when At was a toddler, actually.)

And Cousin K, the bride, has just matched with the pediatrics residency program at New York presbyterian. She's very good with kids too and the reason why Nu, so notoriously averse to big gatherings, decided to do this trip--because toddler Nu was a big fan of Cousin K.

Three-worry Thursday

The kids and I leave for the wedding tomorrow... we fly in and out of Newark airport, which has been experiencing tech delays and disasters lately. Whomp-whomp. We have plenty of time on both sides of the big event, so I'm hopeful that things will be okay. "Promise me you'll come back," L said.

And I hope At will have a good time at the wedding. It's her first big family gathering since transitioning. I don't expect anyone will be mean--everyone was simply lovely when we shared Nu's transition at another wedding, and there are other trans and non-binary kids in the family, but At might be the first trans woman. It's not a big reveal--I've had heart-to-hearts with my cousins about it + At and the kid cousins share social media, but there are bound to be people who will be finding out for the first time. 

Pic: I caught sight of this pair of mallards in the pond this morning and was worried they might nest here, because I've done my reading. Baby ducklings would have been cute, but I wasn't sure if Max and Huck would be gentle with them, so I acted like a very noisy human and they decided to leave. 

this is about everything

the world is different after rain 
its marrows open, singing, astonished

outlined in reflections and wet mirages

I mark myself in nothing now 

in the endless movement of trembling

meeting no resistance, passing through

only freckled with the dailiness 

of living and knowing we can wake up

like flowers opening their bright mouths

_________________

Pic: At and Nu surprised me with a M.U.M. (MakeUp Mother's Day) today. Their card was an "In Sympathy" card for being their mom. They think they're so ironic and funny. [eyeroll] After they finished laughing at their joke, we had a wonderful time raiding my closet for wedding attire to wear this weekend and picking out jewelry--with my kids clowning all the while. Then a leisurely lunch of sesame noodles (I'd already made that for dinner, I didn't know we were celebrating today) while watching Laapataa Ladies, until it was time to head off to various meetings and appointments. It was too rainy to do our usual Mother's Day gardening, but I get three days of travel with these loves later this week, so I'm sure there'll be plenty of opportunities to maximize our time. 

the world after

I can start again tomorrow
despite how much I don't 
like becoming divided
despite how much 
I... shouldn't be

find me there

there's no reason for sorrow 
in a  day  still  so young 
when old  letters catch 

me time traveling... I

wonder who holds 

your empty hand 

_____________________

Pic: Max and Huck fresh from the groomer, watching me fetch myself a cup of tea to drink in the tea garden, which is very jungly at this point. ALSO!! I didn't mean to imply the fam neglected my plants while I was gone. The zillion plants and watering them are my thing. I've never asked Big A or the kids to do it because it takes at least two hours (a week) and that's a lot. If I make the pots a bit swampy before I leave, they can usually wait two weeks. As you can see, the begonias, geraniums, and jasmines (heroes all!) are blooming.

catching up

Wow, did I really not expect to come back? The (human) kids and I are supposed to head to my Cousin K's wedding reception in NJ later this week. On the long ride back home from the airport, I realized that Big A had booked our plane tickets, but the wedding hotel was booked up when he'd tried to book us a room, and so I was going to call them the next morning and do it myself and then absolutely did not do that! Last night I realized that if we were going to go, we were going to have to be very lucky with hotel reservations. 

This morning, there were some rooms at a hotel nearby, so we're all set. 

Also, I didn't set up plans with NJ/NY people for the day after the reception, which looks free. 

And... I didn't finish inviting people to Nu's grad party next week. I should get on that too.

Today was just lovely. So much time with Max, Huck, and Nu (who conveniently had senior skip day). Then I watered the zillion plants. Most of them made it without me or water for two weeks! Some dry leaves, but nothing a few good soaks won't make up for. Only the the bleeding hearts and some herbs, gave up. Sounds like I'm throwing old-fashioned insults, but those are the literal plants that didn't make it. 

A long, lingering dinner catching up on all the little details of the past two weeks was balm for my soul. Also yummy--we combined, polished up, and then polished off two Thai dishes Big A had experimented with over the weekend.

Pic: Things abloom in London. I haven't taken a single photo since I got home.

this brat is back

Thanks for the well-wishes and messages of support, everyone! I'm back! Reentry was "uneventful." And so quick. Immigration did not even need our passports--one quick face camera scan, a green check, and you're through. The whole thing took less than two seconds. That's the good news. It's a bit unnerving how rapid and extensive the system is and how recognizable we are, though! 

Every time, I read the word "uneventful" in your comments--Nance, Lisa, Jenny, Nicole, Steph, Jeanie, and J--I felt like you were sending me a coded message of support. Ever since I shared that I was worried that my social media alignment might make things sticky for me at immigration, you all have been so kind about sending good wishes. It's a sign of the times, I suppose, that no one thought I was overreacting. And in a way that escalated my anxiety, because I could see it wasn't all in my head. Even three months ago, most people wouldn't have considered my fears legitimate. Engie was quite positive I'd be ok, and I'm glad she was right. 

Anyway, I made it through with a watermelon charm hanging off my backpack, my kuffiyeh and other Palestinian solidarity materials in my suitcase, and without scrubbing my social media. It's part of my resolve to be true to myself, not to "obey in advance," and to participate in "good trouble" when I can. 

Pic: On that note, I headed for the Palestinian solidarity march yesterday (half a million strong, by some accounts) and got this photo of Palestinian flags waving under the blue sky and Big Ben's tower. + I met up with someone I met online back in October when we were being onboarded as instructors to teach students in Gaza. KK was just as lovely in person and we had a nice chat as we marched for close to three hours.