remembering two months

fractured from the hard symmetry of days

from the moment I open my eyes

 aware of every treachery of light

of going away, of disappearing

on rivers of  might  have been 

and what can never be again 

I beg mercy of shadows 

who, too, flee 

from me 

_____

Pic: A full moon tonight.

prospectus

the yellow bruise of the morning 

is where I list wonders aloud

& I can't pick myself up

from bending silences

and lock on air

I dare any unknown to find me 

I draw maps to where I am

ghosts already know me

falling through the sky 

all breath only sighs

Pic: Max and Huck are surprised in the guest room.

this is not nothing

end 

endings

I've been obsessing over these words and their various forms so much that they've begun to look unreal...

end

ends

what if they didn't exist 

Pic: Sunset over Saginaw St.

the saving of things

Every day, all day long, I find myself saving little things to relay on our chats--funny things, important things, life hacks, memories, things the kids did, what happened to me, what I cooked, questions about things that happened long ago, language/culture/religion queries...

and then the realization that she probably already knows all these things now... 

lookez-vous*

Happy to be greeted by this crepuscular sunshine on my way home.

And happy to be back home, reunited with Big A, Max, and Huckie... and At and Nu on the phone.

Now to check on the backlog of work.

*I saw this bit of franglais on a billboard and it made me chuckle. I couldn't wait to use it myself... take that, Duolingo.

all treats

Our team won SILVER at the iGEM !! (We won bronze last year, so we're goin' up, up, up!) 

I took off by myself for the first time this week, and visited St. Michel, St. Germain, La Sorbonne (where E.M and I presented a paper virtually earlier this year), and meandered all over the left bank.

Then I saw an old friend on the Paris metro and took a picture with him.

I can't wait to be back with family tomorrow. It has been so difficult this week. I guess I've been here too long--at dinner today, the waiter said he was sure he'd met me before, making people at my table laugh.

lightness

 J is a francophile, so while we were texting about something else, I mentioned being in Paris and she suggested I light a candle for my mom. 

I could kick myself for not thinking of it myself. I wish I had done it at Notre Dame where we visited on Monday. I've talked before about how much she loved when I translated Anatole France's short story "Le Jongleur de Notre Dame" from my high school french textbook for her.

But of course, the story doesn't take place at the cathedral, it takes place at a some abbey in rural France, so I went to the church down the street to light a candle. And then later we happened to head to Montmartre for dinner and climbed up to the Basilica of Sacré-Coeur, where I got to light another candle for my mom. 

I feel all lit up myself and the most present I've felt on this trip. Thanks for the idea, J <3.

Pic: View from the steps of the basilica.