impossible: summer whimsy

the measure of summer 

weightless--not empty

every thing a miracle 

each of us kindred 

perhaps I could tell you 

about a time mornings 

brought frosted grass 

and me to my knees

how a rustle in the trees--

in the distance moves

us another week into

stalling and to fall 

lit as I am with longings

only waiting cures me 

I tell you one thing 

let me tell you all

___________________________

Pic: Buzzards (?) overhead as I walked into campus today. They were perched on the Eddy Building and took off as I walked alongside.

sleepovers and playhouses

When we asked Nu how their first night away felt, they said it still feels like a sleepover... I'd concur that's how it feels for me as well--like they're just away at a friend's place for a while. And that's how one of the advisees I met today described their first week of college too. 

Describing college life as a sleepover seems such a Gen Z thing though. I mean, can you imagine one of those hardy, manly, macho writers from the mid-20C like Gore Vidal or Truman Capote describing college as a sleepover? Ha.

Pic: Nu (on the right) entertaining on their side of the little playhouse in Yellow Springs (the other side was At's) that I furnished and finished using the dollar store + thrift store. The other kids in the photo, whose mom is still in my will as my healthcare proxy in case Big A can't, continue to be dear friends. I have B's early notes with the sign off "I love you No" (I chuckle at that misspelling of "Nu") saved.

So apropos that this photo should show up in my feed as Nu settles into their first place away from home. On family chat, everyone joked about how much Nu has grown in the last five years (the caption says "5 years ago"). Actually, the photo showed up as "five years ago" in 2015, so it's circa 2010. NGF's photo.

new nest

Nu is settled into their new nest for the school year. Goodnight was via text tonight. Gulp.

We set off around the usual time we'd leave for school last year and saw younger kids waiting on the corner for the school bus... so that was poignant. We took the fork in the road.

And it continued to feel surreal. The kids remarked that I usually don't follow the posted speed limit quite so precisely. (The joke being that I was going slower than I usually would as if to stave off the inevitable.)

But our conversations were very light. I think all the serious stuff has already been said before. Today, I was struck by the clever wordplay in Chappell Roan's new song when it veers between "She's got a way" and "she got away." Nu good-naturedly rolled their eyes at that, so things felt more normal then. When we got to At's playlist, we found that she had Audioslave and Hole on there after finding them on an I-Pod she had inherited from me a long time ago.

We got to school, got a hero's welcome complete with pom-poms and cheerful helpers, dropped stuff off, said hello to Nu's roomie and their parents, got a big breakfast in town, and checked in on the family picnic. Nu insisted that they did not need (or want) help unpacking, (classic "I do it myself" Nu since they were about 18 months old), so we got some selfies and said goodbye.

Pic: A series of At, me, Nu, and Big A. I couldn't pick just one!

here we are

I checked out of the last set of work meetings early so I could spend some extra time before dinner with Nu on their last evening home before college. 

Dinner was grilled cheese (by request), friends dropped off brownie treats (LB) and chocolate (BL) for Nu to take to college, Nu's friends had helped them pack while I was at work, and Nu had done all their laundry and finished up by stacking all the college stuff in the rumpus room.

I got an extra long and tender kiss-hug goodnight. I may have clung on for an extra moment or two. Nu is still my baby. They're still just 17. But it's off to college tomorrow. I'm so excited for them!

Pic: Max inspects Nu's stacks of dorm stuff while a blurry, harried Nu explains. Max doesn't know what's coming and is going to miss Nu SO much! Huck has weathered At going off to college and may remember how that works. Scout was so mad at the world when At left... He'd sort of storm off through the doggie door and sit outside glaring up at the house. It was hilarious and sad.

Mixed, Mad, Mellow

Mixed: Back on campus for a full day of Fall conference today. It's delightful to see everyone after a summer of being away. And every year I find myself missing people who aren't here. Some of them are happily retired, some resigned unhappily, some moved on to other places, + a significant number of jobs were cut last December. There were a few absences today that were unexpected and I don't know if they're gone, are quiet-quitting, or just playing hooky. 

Mad: I'm upset that the funds I wired via Western Union in a hurry to help with my mom's medical bills last week were put on a hold. They didn't bother to tell me until I called them and then asked me a bunch of annoying questions to "protect me from scammers." You know what seems like a scam to me? Quietly sitting on my money for over a week when you promised it would be transferred in 15 minutes. I chose Western Union over a bank transfer precisely because it's supposed to be available in a matter minutes rather than days, but here we are ten days later. Ugh.

Pic: Mellow: An ice cream treat with Huck and Max. I get the chocolate part; they get the vanilla.

some media prompts and thoughts

Nu showed me this one: Google search "let's with mama" and click on the images tab. You'll get a bunch of cute pictures of animal mamas and babies doing cute, cuddly things together. Toddler Nu used to love "Mama and Baby" toys and pictures and I'm tickled to see that fondness made it to adulthood. 

We saw Weapons last week, and I've decided that I DO NOT LIKE it. There is a thread of ableism and ageism there I resent. IYKYK.

I am sad that And Just like That is going away. It wasn't a particularly good show, although it wasn't as terrible as this review makes it out to be, and I was mostly watching it out of nostalgia. And--after years of calling it "And so it Goes" and "That's What She Said"--I had just learned to say the name of the show right too. 

Saved the best for last. This spoken word piece by Sam Browne called "Guts" uses "dead babies" as anaphora and is heartbreaking, real, and amazing.

Pic: The koi pond at Radiology Gardens. Walk with L. 

a season of goodbye

We drop Nu off at college on Wednesday--that's coming up fast! I'm fueled by excitement for Nu and an ever-expanding to-do list before drop-off and the approach of back-to-school duties of my own. I know I'll get to Wednesday just fine... but I wonder how it'll feel coming back home after drop off.

Sometimes I'm curious about how it might feel not to be a full-time parent after 26 years of being one. Max and Huck are much easier than Nu--perhaps it'll feel... liberating?At other times I'm deeply aware of what an immense shift this is and know that things will never ever be the same again. Even though there will probably be plenty of visits and summers spent at home...

Pic: Lots of dinners this week so Nu can say goodbye to people. I forget what the joke was here (it doesn't look like poor Max was in on it either :)!) Pic by E.M.