stable

Big A is back; my back feels better; got cards and presents in the mail; a few visits (and presents); did our third session of family therapy; ordered in pizza; read together; watched Bob's Burgers (with Nu) and Station Eleven (after Nu went to bed); got my aunt's hopes up about a visit home; celebrated the end of the Kelloggs' strike... 

A long day... the longest day of the year... and it was cozy and a nice balance of Christmas with other good things.

Pic: multiculti altar w/ nativity scene

"O Christmas Tree"

I waited for At to come home to bring the tree up from the basement, because that has been an At and Nu thing for years now, and I'm not ready to face the reality that he doesn't live here. And At sweetly did bring up the tree last week when he was here for dinner. 

But our old tree wasn't working for me... or working really--many of the lights were out and it was small and tippy. So Nu--my hero today--set up this tall, skinny tree and helped me decorate it. 

It'll be such a surprise for Big A and At! We've left the personal ornaments out for people to put on themselves. And that may have to be a Christmas Eve thing. Maybe do this post-Thanksgiving in the years to come?

trance

it's like breezes open my mouth
to pour in salted happiness

but how well do I know myself?

sleep (do not) want to sleep

so tonight becomes a cartwheel 

of love on sliding sands

the glow of my amma, dad, uncle, 

aunt, and sister at a bonfire

the rap of waves half a world away

in harmony with my heartbeat

and here's me waiting for something 

wild    to wish me goodnight

------------------------------------------

Pic: Picture of sunrise on the beach (Bay of Bengal) from a trip mom, dad, and Chelli took to visit VM and AA. 

in sight

the blizzard blooms 
in afternoon sun 

windows burn

but not the tree-line 

held in my mouth
like t e e t h  

unraveling the bridges
they can reach 

like breath

answering the songs

of late at night

dog choirs

we cannot yet speak of  

how meaning carries

across    species

I begin to see in silence 

how I understand

no thing

---------------------------------------------------------------

Pic: Surprise snow overnight--on cue for Nu's first day of Christmas break. 

Notes: We're rethinking traveling between Christmas and New Year to see grandparents. And there are rumors that school may be online in the new year. (And yes, someone forgot to bring summer's pillows in again.)

cake chart

A celebratory dinner for my friend AI's successful phd defense. On the table: A big dish of biriyani and sides. 

I was so proud of the (store-bought) cake, which said "Congratulations, Dr. I." Obviously, I gave AI the "Dr." part... At got the "Atul" part, Nu got the "Con" part (which they thought it was hilarious because they'd been a sneaky con artist recently). 

bell hooks

Not bell hooks... and not at just 69...

I've learned so much from her since my first feminist theory class and I've always had her work in all of the classes I teach.  Students love how easy and joyous her work is and how richly rooted in love and community. I gave copies of her All About Love: New Visions to lots of people just last Christmas, including At who fell in love with it. 

(And I had to talk myself out of being irritated by people who used uppercase to spell her name in their canned tributes although it felt so disrespectful; and I have to look away from the early death of another black activist; and I'm sitting with Kaye Wise Whitehead's "It is sometimes hard to imagine being in a world when the geniuses of your time are no longer in it.")

friends,

be careful with your worship
for in love souls grow
missions shining

they'll just... catch your heart 
you'll watch them take it 

and you'll do nothing 

there are sighs in our history

the wet edges of my face

icy yet blazing

becoming... tender accounts 
starry with sentinels
and yes, shining