Countdown and Cope

People have been asking me how I am, and I have to say--I'm great!  I dreaded the countdown to Big A's departure, but now I get to countdown to his return from NYC!

I'm booked so solid today, I doubt I'll even have to time to miss him. Work meetings to discuss campus contingencies, a panel presentation on social justice in my colleague's class on pandemics, a hike with L, and book discussion with the 'Food for Thought' people. Then dinner prep and dinner with the kids.

From yesterday's picture, it would seem coping involves midday Margaritas, all the Oreos, and the last twenty pages of The Great Believers I saved so I could be anguished over something unrelated to saying goodbye to Big A.

Goodbye (photo-note)

"not gonna cry, not gonna cry, not gonna cry"

"love you, pups! love you"

Out and About

We were just coming back from our afternoon walk when we ran into R, T, and L--who  took this picture from across the street. I demurred when she brandished her phone, but she growled: "Just stand with your husband, Maya!" Big A and I are still chuckling about that hours later. I love L so much.

Big A has two flights booked for NYC tomorrow so he'll be able to get to his first shift on Friday even if one flight gets canceled. We've made so many contingency plans like this trying to manage all kinds of risk. I have to admit it all still feels pretty unreal. He'll leave first thing tomorrow.

Looking Up

Made some good progress clearing debris from the garden beds, dredged leaves from the pond, found two morels, and would have worked some more in the garden, but I stepped in something yucky (bad puppies!!) and temporarily lost my will to live.

But seriously--the hope of planting veggies fills me with hope. It signals things like: *happening in the future* and *moving forward* and I need that right now.

After all, the lockdown seems like an infinite present, where cancelations and uncertainties abound: no biennial August family reunion in Montana; Dear Evan Hansen tickets on hold for a year; no idea if classes will be online on in-person come fall...

At was inducted into the national history honor society, so we celebrated today as "History Day." I made him a timeline of all the places we've lived, and taught him how to make mango lassi; he picked a historical movie for the fam to watch--Philadelphia, which ties in nicely to what I'm reading--Rebecca Makkai's wonderful The Great Believers.

Full Fam

I felt nearly 100% today, and I had no fever at any point in the last three days, so we've decided that I'm safe to be around the kids. A lot of this sounds arbitrary, panicky, impulsive--and it is all of those things. In the absence of an accessible test, I don't know what more I can expect of myself.

Something I realized while I was confined to the bedroom this weekend is how lucky we are to be able to quarantine Big A comfortably with his own bed, bath, workspace, and mini kitchen setup so he's not too cramped and can grab drinks and snacks when he feels like it. An extra aspect of weekend sickness-suckiness for me was having to ask for things to be brought to me and that felt like a lot to ask the two human kids who had to deal with their own schoolwork, meals, and pandemic issues. I love how cute and funny they were quasi-faking toddler-level neediness by showing up and piteously asking "cuddle?" now and then.

Anyway--it's still cold and drizzly, but here's a picture of all my loves, reasonably distanced. (Bonus: both cherry trees are close to full blossom above them.) Their kind expressions make it clear they're humoring me because I wanted a picture of everyone before we sent Big A off to NYC on Thursday.

NYC. On Thursday. 

Worst Mother's Day Ever

From our birthday trip to Chicago right before the lockdown

I had to self isolate from the kids all day and monitor my temperature.

It has been 36 hours since I hugged anyone and this sucks.

"something else"

This is Nu's new friend Fredd. Fredd looks horrified and cannot move. Me too.

I haven't left the couch, much less the house today. I'm feeling a bit under the weather (headache, sniffles, fatigue) and a bit worried about how this will change the pattern of our already somewhat fractured homelife if it develops into something else.