Carrying Baby 2 versus Baby 1

LOVES it!



HATES it!


_

We've never had a real wood stove before

It's mesmerizing

and makes us smell like 

we're far better campers 

than we actually are

_

Love Truths

Got home after four days of conferencing today, After dinner, Big A went upstairs and fell asleep, and then the kids went to bed, and then I made a late-night grocery-store run.

He showed up as I was putting groceries away and stood there (not helping!) throwing and catching a cauliflower (not helping!) and... I must have given him a speaking side-eye. To which he responded:

Oh. I didn't actually come downstairs to help you. I came because I missed you so much and wanted to see you. *Grippy-Hug*

This thing is sweet AND tough.

_

Conference Banquet

It was a great #SALA2017, and so glad I got to co-chair it with some wonderful and generous people. Here's a picture blurry enough to post without multiple permissions.

First Writing Project Together...

Saved as a Google doc with the super-serious title "BigDogandPuppy Project."

_

Second Christmas

In YS, and the only picture I got all weekend was of the grandparents' goodbye...

_

Lost in 2016

It's got to a point where I woke up around 3:00 am this morning to refresh NYT to see if there'd been anyone else after George Michael and Carrie Fisher.

_

Happy Everything

Formally Dressed

O Reindear

NuNu has been wearing her X-Mas jammies
(which have penguins in honor of her school writing project)
for at least 24 hours;
At slipped into his this morning.

_

Architect Elf

Winter's Fangs

Like an Angel: Nu's concert

Before Things Change

A visit to Washington, D. C.

"Arrival Times"

After three different emails with that ambiguous subject heading, K and I finally got together with our respective human offspring to go see Ted Chiang's stupendous, extraordinary, etc., etc. sci-fi short story turned movie Arrival.

It broke me. It's intensely emotional and threw me for a loop (haha). And the small blazes of happiness were because At worked out and shared the reveal way before it happened and my Nu pointed out in the first few minutes that "Come back to me" was used as a refrain. Before she lost interest in the movie and took a tiny snooze.

Speaking of which, it's the first movie in a long, long time that I didn't slip a nap into. I even napped during--please don't tell my kids--The Force Awakens.

Although they've known all about it for years.

_

Post-Thanksgiving

FIL and step-MIL came to visit the day after Thanksgiving and rather than feed them T-day leftovers as I did last year, I made ramen (with really nice broth, loads of fresh veggies, and lots of add-in toppings: peanut sauce, kimchi, roast chicken, fried eggs).

At the end of the meal, step-MIL says, "thanks for dinner.. it was really simple and..." And she just trails off. Healthful? Flavorful? No. Nothing. I don't think she was trying to diss my food, it was more like she genuinely lost interest in completing that sentence.

This morning--being back in the kitchen reminded me--and I started to giggle about it and had to explain to the kids why. At says, "Yeah, I noticed that too." So we giggled some more.

And it's been our response of choice to everything..."It's really simple and..."

_

Thanksgiving

Quiet, just us. But it turns out that there's so much to be thankful for. I read some of these entries and 

I weep from happiness and pride.

_

XC Banquet

The last time At will make Coach D cry...

_

Student of the month :) (More like sweetheart of the ages)

_

I solemnly swear

HOLY

FUCK.

NOW WHAT?

The kids and I turned up at the Mall for the rally, but they had already taken off... we did catch sight of them at College Corner though. They were magnificent.

_

A snippet from today

Nothing is the new normal.

But my kids are lovely.

We now live an hour away from work/school. And Mondays are especially long. At takes a course at the college, so we're here for 13 hours (8 am to 9 pm).

Today, I picked At up, we got our overdue flu shots, we got supermarket sushi, we got Nu from her Girls on the Run meeting, and had dinner in my office.

At was droning on about some election geekery. Nu and I looked at each other and simultaneously started humming Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" while At rolled his eyes. So we hummed louder and with flourish and Nu grabbed a chopstick and started air-conducting. It was a small, sunshiny spot of the usual crazy in an otherwise rushed and sad time.

_

The Resistance

\




The DJT 

https://www.thedjtr.com/  Resistance

Giving me life...

These Joe Biden memes are the only bright spot right now.
At is compiling these on a subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/JoeInTransition/

_

An Hour of This

On the way to work today.

Thankfully, kid school was canceled

so I didn't have to juggle drop off

with office hours.

_

Knock-Knock

As she dawdled over breakfast (as my kids do err'yday)

she told me that when I had knocked on her window 

to let her know "snooze" time was over

and that she needed to *wake up now*

the knocking had become a part of her dream.

(Someone was showing her a script 

that had the words: "No, No, No"

And as they read it, they thumped the desk.)

P.S.

This photo is apropos of not much

but I keep it on my desktop

and it makes me smile.

_

Royal Blood

Story 1

After the parade with the other homecoming "court" families, I took the rained-on grandparents and younger sibs home to dry off, while Big A went to his night shift. So... At was all by himself when he was "coronated" as homecoming king. The video his teacher posted of the "coronation" makes me sad--At's standing all alone while all the other kids have at least one family member there. 

Story 2

I've been getting out of puppy poop-picking up and other gross family chores by jokingly claiming that I have royal blood via the padma vellama Dorakanti heritage. I don't believe in all that B.S., obviously, and I was merely being facetious. But I didn't realize how seriously the youngest human in the family was taking it until the day A asked Nu to do her "peasant" chores and she rounded on him savagely and lashed out: "Yeah, Dad! I get it from *you*." This happened at least a year ago, but we're still laughing every time we quote it.

And that's it. Two stories connected tenuously by the theme of royal blood/me being awful.

_

New House; Same Folks

_

Yeezy love

The pink Polo shirt is a nice literary reference :).

A List

I hear you
empty hands,
open mouth,
at my back

I watch till all
the anger boils,
pops, peels, and
I have no choice

but to face you.
I fill my lungs
with screams,
devour the day.

_

New House

The trees tense like a tide

tunneling the sky's ocean

tree skin like coins peeling

from Lakshmi's lotus hand


Their roots keep buckling--

letters unpinning addresses

grow lichen hair, to honor

bodies/words not yet here

__

The Ladies Finger

Don't know how I first came across it, but I love this blogzine--irreverent, honest, charming, and pathbreaking. It seems to be written and produced in India, but it's a great read for anyone with transnational feminist sensibilities.

First-Day-of-School Picture

Today, I dropped them off at school,
And later today, their picture makes me
look for them--a limp forerunner of our future

On Facebook,
it's people swearing (like with &%$# words)
how unbelievably big they've gotten

It's people remembering the 17-year-old
as a two-year-old clutching my hand
by the elevators

I want to lie down in the middle of my office,
close my eyes, and try to remember for myself
the years that are now ghosts

I swear they're the same from day-to-day
nevermind the stranger interpretations
my camera conjectures from year to year

*

Does this nonsense end?

Prehistoric Massacre Hints at War Among Hunter-Gatherers

"The bones at the lake, in northern Kenya, tell a tale of ferocity. One man was hit twice in the head by arrows or small spears and in the knee by a club. A woman, pregnant with a 6- to 9-month-old fetus, was killed by a blow to the head, the fetal skeleton preserved in her abdomen. The position of her hands and feet suggest that she may have been tied up before she was killed."

It reminded me of the open of the second season of The Leftovers, a show I watched religiously, helplessly, piteously-sometimes asking the family to be extra kind to me because I'd be watching it that day.

Après le diner

It's not much, really.
But, I can tell

our week's dinner
from the small aches

the burns and scalds,
and nicks they wrought.

But it is the half-eaten plate
that brings heartache.

_

Ommm Grrr Ruff!

My loves have been barking at the 

Bodhisattva all morning.

Enlightenment ain't easy.

_

Taxonomies

There are many types of dragons

but only three basic groups. (Nu)

Happy as a Clam

sculpting these at the Gender Symposium today.

_

On your mats...

Gender Diaries

TL; DR

I ask: Have you wondered...

Student replies: not before this class.

_

First Rule of Cousins' Club

It's always time to jump on beds.

(Cambridge, MA)

_

Baby's First Business Trip

It was difficult to have At 

at the BPA state finals in GR

and be all the way in Boston ourselves.

We teased him about the Tucker Carlson bow tie

He cited Bill Nye.

He wins.

_

ACLA Hotel (2016)

Kinda panopticon/Big Brother/

creepyyy af

_

College Visit

Only One Alma

_

Only Love

The Farmhouse, Nashville.

_

Wishes (Jacob Philadelphia)

I've stashed this picture in so many folders...

that on my birthday, the kids printed it 

off the internet again (Sorry, Pete Souza)

and stuck it a frame for me to hang.

I'm fine with a third term.

If you need more: Why I Created #ObamaAndKids

_

Selfie Twister

Selfie Twister

on my birthday

(Picasso's pink phase)

_

Motto

I'm so Cheesy

While talking to a student
whose thesis work is
a term late

I encourage her
to make it better,
to tweak her game-

-it's a home run!
you're in the home stretch!
(She's one of our softball players.)


*

Après le diner

It's nothing, really.
But, I can tell

our week's dinner
from the small aches

the burns and scalds,
and nicks they wrought.

It is the half-eaten plate
that brings heartache

*

I may never say this again...

For the second time in as many months
I had a poetry reading

First at the MLA meeting in Jan
And today at the college

I'm a bit aghast at this unseemly
and narcissistic frequency

*

"Innerview"

We talk about
diurnal longitudinal
repositories of
emotional artifacts

one of which is
curiously draining
out of my brain
and into my curriculum

_

The Odds...

What I wanted to say

when 

the student disputing 

their course grade

realized 

that I did everything 

ethically possible to help.

_

A New Generation of Hope

Nu's very stern letter to Gov. Snyder.

I didn't think her line, "This is the last time I'm telling you,"

would be conducive to a dialogue.

_

Elections 2016

This or that--
I'm running away or
slowing/throwing down

in uncanny dashes
to interpret patches
of plaster and verse

But words in my mouth--
a delicate wheel of anger
will--still--demand love

_

Ride Home

O.K.
Actually, 

just needed it

to tidy my office a bit.

_

Hell Yeah!

What type of feminist (or anti-feminist) are you?

(Take the quiz. Do it! Do it!)

_

The Drop-off

"Later."
Their bodies hurtling
planet-like
in entangled orbits
of school, activities,
space

Till they return just in time
still the same
slightly changed
don't go
(don't die)
don't grow (so fast)

The passing touch
of their known hands
surges, deluges,
cracks open my heart.
I've never been easier to love.

_

This happened

I want to drop all the things I carry

I want to touch everything

Is there a world

under the snow

I want to know it

9:00 p.m. (Older Group Cuddle)

Scout took my lap,

so At took my feet.

(The younger ones

go to bed at 8:00.)

_

At Close

Waves lap
at the edges of the evening
claim me
in programmed high tide

Come close to breaking
over the shore
a scream or a chuckle
the coil of sleep or serpents

_

Perhaps, an Astronaut

How is your day going?
It's difficult to tell.
I imagine you up there
starlight as nightlight
watching sun and moon
rise together cheek by cheek

I imagine the brain
swelling in delight
even at old age
remembering easily
the children and their kisses
as they easily remember me.

_

In Attention

Sky is a tangle of broadcast
snow messages
unspool on the windscreen
up there the moon
opens up
undressing,
wisp by wisp.

_

Standing room only

As we speak up for Flint.

_

Moms Are Sooooooooooooooooo Embarrassing

The kids had the day off due to the weather, so I brought them and the young von Ws to the college for an MLK Day performance by Sojourner Truth Community Theater.

I was happy to smirk at At when he turned a worried face towards me when they started singing "We Shall Overcome." And Nu whispered in F von W's ear (presumably about the day before).

And then I was wiping away tears to "I have a Dream."

Happy MLK Day to me.

_

Moms are Embarrassing

There was that moment when everyone was singing "We Shall Overcome" and my stupid face dissolved into silent tears. My sweet kids on either side of me didn't look too embarrassed, and actually helped me make sure I didn't have streaks before we walked out.

It's just been such a long time, you know--and here we are, still working on overcoming the same crap.

(Later in the evening, At did say the next time I bugged him about something, he'd call me "Church-weeper" so there's that.)

_

Such a Great Feeling...

When you find the perfect textbook

for your students

(and you're thanked 

in the Acknowledgements)

_

It was like I Hadn't Been Gone All Week...

Reunited.

Best Shot

I was happy to see this

in Austin, TX.

_

First Independent Journal Article

I hadn't realized it was out yet!

_