somedays

Somedays

all I need are the roses.

#MSU Horticulture Gardens 

Like there is no time

The Uber has already been called
It's nearly the end of the night

of the first day of a hurried wedding

It's after the cousins have finished 

with their choreographed dances

after the henna has dried on my hands

My aunt, the brides' mother, comes up

to her sisters and sisters-in-law

Let's get on the dance floor

she says, It's our time now

The aunt who is giving me a ride back  

says: but I already called the Uber

the app says it's just five minutes away

Then let's go, let's go, let's go 

the bride's mother says

gesturing to the dance floor

looking like she's already dancing

we have no time to lose

we can't waste a single minute, she says 

but she seems also, so far away

It's the same far away look she has 
at the reception the next day
until the bride and groom 
surprise-announce 

that a baby is coming soon

and everyone is ooh-ing and crying

even more than usual

because--you know--we know

and when I finally get to congratulate 

my uncle and my aunt

My aunt who's made no mention 

of what we all know all weekend long

finally breaks. Gripping my uncle's hand 

in a way both hard and tender, she says--

I just hope he gets to see the baby

she says, as if there is no time

wellness and goodness

Things are a bit overwhelming right now with work (especially with scheduling which requires a spatial and numerical intelligence that doesn't come naturally to me); our ongoing roof repair saga (now we need an engineer and suddenly the city inspector is involved, and none of this is in the budget?!!?); and feeling like recognizing that I'm effectively solo parenting these days (especially when six hours of outpatient care is intense and Nu needs a lot when he gets home).

Luckily for me (and everyone who needs to be in contact with me), R made a house call, set up their magic massage table, and I spent the rest of the day transfused with flexibility, thankfulness, and calm.  

I'm thankful I had the time, some extra cash, and a kind and accommodating professional to help me feel well enough to be a good person today. 

very Monday

We tried out our Portals for the first time today as Big A is back in Milwaukee. I like the big screen and that the camera pans to pick up sound and movement. I wish there was an option to just let it stay on all the time. 

Otherwise, tons of work for me, six hours of outpatient care for Nu; both of us came home feeling depleted. Nu had a good cry, I held it together...but couldn't wait for the parenting day to be over. Then I got lost in a book. And so to bed, hoping for a kinder tomorrow.

 Pic: Scout and Huck could hear Dada's voice but they don't "see" things on screens, so Nu tried to show them up close. 💗

Sunday, summer, smores...

A quick walk with L to the Horticulture Gardens to see the roses, a lightning UU visit with lots of singing, and then I cleared brush in our woods for HOURS today. 

Nu helped me with the bigger limbs while Big A did our annual mow. After they got tired, it was just me listening to bird calls and dragging stuff out and taking it to the piles by the firepit and being plied with lemon water by Nu and visits from Big A. 

We have kindling for the rest of the year. At least. 

The rest of the day was a nice soak, then Impossible burgers I had prepped at breakfast, smores by the firepit, and so to bed (with a detour to finish Elif Batuman's Either/Or, which I loved).

picnic cookies and cat cafés

I headed to RS's mom's memorial service today. I was there mainly to support RS, but it felt poignant learning that her mom remade her life in her 40s--getting a divorce, going back to school, and becoming a social worker. The grownup grandkids, now teachers themselves, remembered fondly how she would take them on picnics to the hill behind her apartment complex and they'd feast on homemade sandwiches and Milano cookies. Fittingly, there were Milano cookies at the outdoor reception later.

While I was gone all afternoon, Big A took Nu to the cat café where Nu played with all the cats he wanted to and had a great time. Big A and I are both allergic (and I'm mildly  ailurophobic) so poor Nu has to make do with visiting. I've been informed that when Nu is grownup, he will live with cats and rats and that we can take allergy meds when we want to visit. I think that's very fair.

Pic: Nu making a cat friend (and Big A's reflection).

 

Make some noise (rattles, anklets, and whistles! O my)

More of Nu's kandi-craft... These little (they fit in the palm of my hand) star-shaped rattles make such a happy sound. The beads inside the rattle are heart-shaped. They're not visible, but it's very important to Nu that there are tiny hearts inside.

It reminded me a bit of the anklet in Silapadikaram The Story of an Anklet  and I was gratified that Nu remembered the plot-point about how there were rubies inside the heroine's anklet and only pearls in the queen's.  

We picked up Big A from the train station yesterday--horrifyingly for me and Nu who tend to be very diligent about masking--he hadn't worn a mask on the Amtrak, so we made him test at home. Also, WTH. I mean he seemed suitably chastened, but I thought we were on the same page about this.

And I got my Bluey car back! A couple I met on a shuttle in an airport parking lot a while ago told me about "Save A Deer" whistles, so I'm putting some on this weekend. Please stay away from me on the highway, deer!

Twitter Official Today!

💗 At and his coworkers. 
 

starting over

Once in a while, I'll come across a piece of art--even something Nu has decided to throw away like this piece...

And I'll be overcome with hope for Nu, all of us, the world...

And I begin to dream again.

"a more perfect union"

Today At watched as the local Teamsters served management at his workplace papers indicating that At and his fellow workers had signed union cards; the National Labor Review Board will now conduct an election. He sent us a picture and said management was "pissed." 

It has been exciting to see the slow build to At's organizing--first it was just conversations with a fellow nerd, then more scripted check-ins with other colleagues, vetting different unions, trying to get a super majority of his colleagues on board--even roping me in to talk to an older south-asian colleague in our shared mother tongue.

When he first said he wanted to unionize his fast food place, I have to admit I thought it was a bit of a pipe dream and definitely did not think he and the other young people would make this much progress in under a year. Shows how much I don't know. Fingers crossed for their NLRB election. 

Pic: At made this button a while ago; now that things are public, he can finally wear it. 

reaching the threshold

it was always difficult for children

dangerous even 

if you know of a place where it isn't

please share it 

we may sway in decision, hover in hope,

curve like prayer,

ache to follow rumors as if they're friends

inviting us to hurry

but we won't know how--or if--we let go

of mourning

our feet full of splinters, tracing love over

fragments of safety

_____

It's the fourth of July. We didn't have plans because we were supposed to be in YS. Also: things don't feel very celebratory anyway--it feels very What to the Slave is the Fourth of July?  This lines up with the memes that say: "Fourth of July has been canceled due to a shortage of independence" or "Frankly I don't think America deserves a birthday party this year." And then the news worsens with reports of mass shootings in Highland Park and Philadelphia and fires in Fort Worth...