New Phone, Who 'Dis?

Not going to lie. I was surprised when the sweet techie helping me set up my new phone didn't even act surprised when I mentioned I had a college-aged kid.

I guess when I'm so behind on tech, my vintage is obvious :)!

I got the biggest phone I could for travel photos, email, and reading.



_

All of 17 degrees

And we're off to school.









_

Polar Vortex Day #2

Even Buddha is cold, sad, and hating it...








_

Bloomin'

I needed a nudge* to be grateful that despite the record-breaking temperature of -50 today, I still have some blooms in the tea garden. Here amaryllis, begonia, and violets... elsewhere there are bougainvillea and hyacinth...

We were supposed to have people work on our kitchen counters this morning. Last night J called to ask if he could work in the garage because working outside would be too cold, and then I called him back and canceled because really, even the garage would not be enough to keep him and his crew safe. Things will be pushed back by a month now, but it's not like I would be able to enjoy new counters if they came at the expense of people's fingers.

*The nudge came from MaryAnne's pictures on FB this morning.

_

Lost

I make dinner from beans,
things I dig out from the ice
of the aging freezer (foraging)

Up close--pores on rocks
I can remember veins on leaves
Do you remember threads of moss

as words run out
and scenes are spun out
what if this is (apocalypse)

trees bleeding water
their wounds like mouths
breathe until empty, are still staring

It happens so fast--from hit to hurl
in a blink--I meant to leave you words
now I barely have time left to think (love)


_______________
It's literally colder than Mars right now AND I'm beginning to get cold feet about leaving the fam next week AND I know I will have to do some driving on127N soon AND I'm panicking from the weather forecast AND hearing someone say that the world may end in our lifetime...
_

It's Like That

   
Some good Michigan-weather memes today, and snow days predicted for the rest of the week.

Lots of snacking, cocoa, TV shows, and cuddling. (Very little writing, to-do listing, and accountability.)


         

-

Big Dog

At different times, I got these doggie tchotchkes ostensibly for Big A (because sometimes he's called "Big Dog"), but I'm willing to admit they were actually presents for me all along.










_

Player

Nu's basketball game...

She's actually on the bench in this one :)

(but she DID get in later for two quarters)

I really want a hoop in the the driveway again.







_

Glyph of Myself

my prayers soon wick 

into still damp night air

incensed with fear, fervor

they will stick--resting 

here, wrestling over there, 

hope blossoming into prayer

so quick as my once human 

landscape--conjured from time

and conquered through age--fades

_

Ticking

shaping my time into dials
into calendars and structure
into life, into legacy after death

collapsing the words and worlds
casting new spells to tell you truth
demanding all the years to do it with

little changes from sunrise to sunset
little changes from sunrise to sunrise
little changes all the way into summer

_

Heart

I don't know if it is the cuteness or the good looks that are off the chart here...

How did my baby become a grown up?














_

Everything old is new again...

This is ancient graffito by now, but I was tickled because it resurfaced the same day Nu paid attention to Creep for the first time on the drive to school. And because I showed this to her, these are the lyrics she uses all the time now. We are weirdoughs. Ha.












_

:/

Women's March 2019

One wouldn't be able to tell by this lone, sad, cold poster stuck to our Little Free Library--but it was a great Women's March today. Esp. if you were judging by the roomful of excited students who joined us for dinner.









_

Perspective

  Outside














Inside










_

Northward Rant

I'm one sigh away
from freezing, I release
like a light bubble

like fluorescent nighttime
hospital--heart beats
in intervals: no no no

dropoffs pickups
activities... O my
hello, goodbye

I'm returning turning
I will come back
irresponsible

like that like this
like you can like
only this

_

On Being Sorry

I'm so sorry that the poet Mary Oliver died. 

I'm sorry too to say that everyone I follow kind of posted the same poem... and having so many people ask what I was planning to do with my "one wild and precious life" made me quite anxious. 

_

A Day in the Life of Someone on Sabbatical

DD texted to see if I wanted to go to bookclub together, and I texted back to say I was actually at the college coming off of my 6th straight meeting. Before I hit up bookclub at Lucky's Steakhouse, I had to have dinner with a Psych department faculty candidate at Capital Prime another steakhouse clear on the other side of town. That's two too many steakhouses for someone who doesn't even eat steak. Anyway.

By the time I got to Lucky's discussions were underway, but there were so many lovely people I knew and I got to stop by the different tables for hellos and hugs. But even the lovely people looked at me funny when I said I'd already had dinner so I ordered a giant dessert to show I do eat. I am mature and self assured.

By the time I got home Nu and the puppies were asleep (school night) as was Big A (he's working tonight) and I sat there in the living room, with the radio on, catching up on email and beginning to feel queasy and kinda anxious. And then I figured it out and texted our college boy who was awake (college life).
 

It was M. Night Shyamalan night on WKAR's Michigan Matinee.

_

Fork Winter

#GoodPlaceFork

_

January

I keep on feeling my thoughts

You too?

It's a knife--

in the shape of a puffy heart.

*

My child is grandmother's.

Her child,

my mother--

serenades every sunrise.

*

I sit here, the sun sets too

an earthling,

lost on earth, 

feeling the slide of inertia 

_

Empowered Sunday

I started Michelle Obama's Becoming today for bookclub on Thursday, wasn't sure what to expect, but it's been lovely so far. I read some passages aloud to Nu, and we both chortled at the precise same place when she described her brother's tics.

                    

And then J texted me to say that although I'd missed going out with the group that had gone to see On the Basis of Sex with the group on Thursday, I SHOULD TAKE NU TO SEE IT RIGHTAWAY.  So Nu and I started making plans. And then we wanted Big A to come with us. He wasn't going to come, but Nu and I were all: women and other minority-centered stories aren't just for women and the minorities they represent, it's important for white dudes to see others at the center of the story too. And so, he came. Let's hope he picked up lots of tips from Martin Ginsberg. Ha.


_

L's Bend of the River

Saturday Walking Club is back! (At least for this week.)


We meandered through the riverwalk and wandered through L's part of the riverbank.






_

Chicago, Redux

Had some paperwork to submit in Chicago, so here I am again for the third time in three weeks.  All by myself this time.

And I talked to SO MANY strangers this time. The first time, I was with the fam for Hamilton and barely spoke to anyone else; the second time was for the MLA, so lots of friends, colleagues, etc., and didn't get a chance to speak to street strangers. But my, my, my... I sure am a chatty Patty when I'm by myself.



_

My Term of Rest and Relaxation

I heard My Year of Rest and Relaxation was funny and thought it would be funny to read it now since I'm on a sabbatical (term not the whole year, but...).

But OMG, while I chortled in a few places, I was so saddened and depressed from this overall.

And... I worked on campus from 9-7 today, so I'm doing the sabbatical wrong too.




-

Walking in the Woods on a Snowy Morning

There were so many fat snowflakes on our hike, I wanted some evidence I'd voluntarily ventured out in it. And as I was struggling to frame some snow, L took one of me.

_

Reader, I Whimpered...

As I sat down with my lemony green tea in the semi darkness, I whimpered just from the sheer delight of the soothing warmth of the tea, the tang of lemon, and knowing the caffeine would soon be coursing through me... and the happiness of  being home and looking forward to doing all the normal things at the normal times.

Except there's no telling what Nu will say during an otherwise normal day. I offered her some almonds from a bag when I picked her up from school. Nu: "These taste like wood. Ask me how I know what wood tastes like." (I dutifully enquire.) "Because I play the clarinet. That's how."

That's percussion innit? #Badumtish #Sting

_

Working Hard (for no money)

#NeilLazarus #DIscussion Group #SALA

#SALA@MLA

Nerd Words

I love being at every panel I can squeeze in, so a lot of my photos today look like this:



_

Back in Chicago

For the #MLA, this time without the kids...

A lovely reunion with Ra and then with Ro; made me feel like a grad student at Oxford all over again.

Later, I was explaining the difference between Ra and other advisors I've had to someone at a gathering and termed it being the recipient of "both brilliance and a kind of affection" and happened to look up to catch Ra's eye. Whereupon, she smiled and said, "you can use the l-word, you know."  All the happy feelings.

_


_

Guess What We Did on Jan 3rd?

Finally got everyone in one place to take a "holiday" family picture! It's a holiday miracle!






Though Big A is a bit Ghost Dad in this one...














So here's Take #2











_

The Future is Now

Took the kids to yoga today

almost every bite at breakfast
is all please and bargaining
every footstep up to class
echoes with reluctance
every pose is desolate
as exit wounds
                                            I'm holding, steadying, angling
                                            them in my side vision--where
                                            they're right there--by the door
                                            so my practice speckles with
                                            chuckles overfilling and now
                                            spilling from my lungs

We're nicer on the way back
loosened and relaxed--me
from yoga, them because
they're done, by the time
we're home again, it's all
already a memory
                                          And I think there will be other classes
                                          warmed by them, memories of them--
                                          keeping unspoiled from year to year;
                                          the quiet, slow wonder of a stone
                                          released and now flying lightly
                                          borne forever over the water


_____________________________________

Took the kids to yoga because the health chart was a desert (Friday, Dec 28th).

_

NYE: 4/6

It's just Nu and Scout and Huck and me tonight (Big A is at work and At is out partying).

The plan is to snack, watch girlie movies, and cuddle until midnight.

Mission accomplished, we're taking our barely sleepy selves to bed to read till we fall asleep.

Earlier that night...

_

Station

Her eyes grow cloudy
soon there will be rain
her thoughts steal past
like slow, noisy trains

No, that's really not me
No reason it would be--
Her heart mourns parting
mine's torn from certainty


_

Umm Om

Made it to an early yoga class in the socks PJ gave me in Philly when we organized the SALA conference two years ago.



I'm not there yet, but... my. socks. were. a. hit.





_

Meditation

water bridges these banks
sun must spill everywhere

I can ask, I can seek
who knows how long

as if it matters--
there's no reason

for despair
(if so it is)

#MSU #RedCedarRiver

Small Merry

The child-pleasing disparity between tree height and assembled presents is unintentional. But I had a lot of fun putting together themed gift bags--a patronus bag (puppies for Nu, sloths for At); a re-construction (ha!) kit (W.E.B. DuBois, Chernow's Grant, a bio of Robert Smalls); a happiness and wellness set (Lin Manuel's Good Morning Good Night, a treat-yourself journal, and some feel-good plaques); stocking stuffers were Imagination Library donations, Salus Center donations, and refugee school donations.

In other news, this wasn't the best Christmas ever (despite Nu's ardent protestations)--like we've not even been able to take a family picture for the holiday card yet.

But we did our best: we ate well; we hung out and cuddled; we went to L&T's party in our PJs, one set of grandparents arrive tomorrow, and we can try again next year.

Onward!

Silent Night...

(And then this declaration on the way home: "I'm going to shower before we watch Home Alone--that way I don't have to shower on Christmas. Who wants to spend Christmas showering?")






_

Train Travel Be Like

And we're back!

H A M I L T O N!

Someone was Prom King and picked prom night over Hamilton tickets we'd had for the past six months the last time we went... but he came this time... he loved it.









Same old balcony seats.  In fact, we looked up the old tickets and somehow, we'd ended up with the very SAME tickets as last time.

And apparently, the show makes me very emotional. First I stomped off when it was mentioned that I was walking slowly and then I left the fancy restaurant before we ordered because all they could offer me was rutabagas. So much drama for one evening!


_

A Plan

I'm traveling--or so
I have been telling
everyone--so now
travel--will unravel

Perhaps periphrastic--
or no--logic underlies
my disguised, feigned
un-annotation of terrain

I prep through these fears--
it helps a little that millions
of years of orbital earth will
still spin in place for me

_

In the Old World

I am to reread their wrinkles
search their weeds for memories

even as ancestors' eyes are forced
to close, go masked, invisible.

It will make sense
until you ask about it.

*
They want to open my mind
wrest, twist it wide

then tip it like the overfilled point
of a plate, at the moment when

you're suddenly sated,
free of the desire for it.

*
I mime their scolding for I have no will,
and I am meek. Still they are forgotten

even so, every time--memory by memory
in a language my children will never speak

Aiyo--to think I meant at the start
to hold and shape love

as it pooled its fast and fluid
escape in my heart.

****

Year's End

Arre, what would you do?
You too are split between
this year and the new one

these hopes are damsels
dismal in the silent dark.
I take their place myself

until I am inside myself
--oh, what have I done?
I too am waiting to know.

_

Kin

This was sometime after I'd talked about Harraway and "Make kin not babies!" and C said  gesturing at dinner--"You mean like this? Like you do?" And it felt like this might be the best compliment ever.







_

Not my finest moment

Nu fell asleep in my bed last night, and she woke up around 4:30 because I wasn't in bed with her...
and wandered over to the library...
where she found her dad and me...
watching shows on our computer...
and eating nachos...

She took it all in (half smiles and half envy) and went to bed. I wish I had been resourceful enough to say I couldn't fall asleep since she was in bed, but the truth is this is fairly normal these days. Big A and I have to finish The Americans before we cancel our Amazon Prime membership at the end of the month.

#12/11
_

I didn't make this

Not even the picture,


and everything about this was awesome.


Big A has a fan following and it's not all kids.







_

Maybe

Another day out with L, and I'm willing to accept that it looks more beautiful than it feels.












_

Winter Beautiful

L is on a crusade to get me to admit that Winter can be beautiful...


#RedCedar #MSU







_

Senior Seminar Dinner

It wasn't easy, but it was wonderful.





_

Sometimes everyone just needs loving

_

The Music's Playing

And our Nu is in the back row with all the other clarinetists. Their Ode to Joy was joyous and somehow Big A correctly identified one of the final squawks as Nu's.

"That was me," she confirmed gleefully.

#BossDayTreat #PostSansu



_

Now Cage-Free

I reached out to the iconic Marilyn Frye some time ago asking her to speak at the college, and she declined. She must have sensed my immense (fandom and) disappointment, however, because she asked if I wanted to have coffee. Did I? YES. (I interpreted that as tea, but if I had to drink coffee in order to meet her, I would have.)

I got to gush about her work, and tell her I've lost count of the number of times I meet old students who have forgotten the details of every other reading, but remember  "the birdcage." She was so warm and lovely and generously claimed to love the stuff I'm working on right now. We talked for a couple of hours at Chapelure, and then I floated home on a wave of happiness.