Days Like This

Some of this certainly rings true?

Ha... Ha... Happiness

Still a bit weary--but this picture's sole purpose is to make me chuckle. At is in his "Prestige Worldwide" tee and a Wonder Woman apron, with hesitance about plunging his hands into the dough displayed in every inch of his being. (The long-ago speech therapist was right--sensory play is the answer.) And of course, being in the kitchen with At is its own happiness too.

I guess I would not have felt so hurt yesterday if I were working on a good project... and I have identified a couple of writing projects I could tackle. I haven't actually started them or anything though. Haha.

What's the News?

I feel more like Scout than Nu today.

Lots to tell.

But it'll have to wait until tomorrow, because today's been a bit much.

"something else"

This is Nu's new friend Fredd. Fredd looks horrified and cannot move. Me too.

I haven't left the couch, much less the house today. I'm feeling a bit under the weather (headache, sniffles, fatigue) and a bit worried about how this will change the pattern of our already somewhat fractured homelife if it develops into something else.

I found my heart in the woods today

There're unmistakable signs of greening everywhere and although in a group (L & T & R), social distancing and Michigan's winter #7 of 2020 allowed me to stay with my thoughts, thinking through things, work-in-progress/work-at-standstill, recipes, and how in ten days Big A would be on a plane for NYC.

This graffito of a heart did bring me a smile, but much as I appreciate street art, I wish people wouldn't paint on trees.

shadow / reflection

Back to afternoon walks with Big A after a few days off... It had been rainy/he worked three in a row/one or both of us didn't sleep well/some other excuse.

I'm burying the lede a bit here, but Big A's scheduled to report to NYC for a couple of
weeks--although their cases are down, their regular docs will need a break. He volunteered about a month ago, and his schedule has just been formalized.

He offered to "just stay the heck alive" because it made him sad to imagine me falling apart. Reader, I plan to take him up on this generous offer.

This is Us

Sparty wears a mask; be like Sparty!
(MSU Stadium on Monday 4/27)

While Lansing didn't get the volume of Covid cases predicted, Big A has been seeing patients in the E.D. and has been self-isolating. This article--"What the Pandemic is doing to the Children of Doctors and Nurses" (and children of other frontline workers: grocery, mail, sanitation, transport, etc. too, I daresay!) posted by ND, Big A's NYU batch-mate, really struck a nerve. 

I mean this... is literally us:
"Some health-care workers have moved away from their families, and many others have isolated in spare bedrooms or basements, trying to explain to their kids that they can no longer hug them because the consequences of even a single touch could be dire."

Sunday, Fuzzy Sunday

A quick walk with L and R while we talked about the first section of The Overstory, and this bit of green with the trees and farmhouse in the distance was pure serendipity. Talking about the book with R who's reading it for her bookclub tomorrow,  reminded me so much of feeling the tug of that book pulling me out into the unknown, and the running list of unfamiliar words I started keeping as I waded deeper into it. This would be the perfect time to reread it, actually.

KB, yesterday's birthday girl, and SS, last week's birthday girl, wanted to do a smaller Zoom chat this afternoon, and lots of gaffes and laughs ensued. When K said "quarantine poetry," I thought she'd said "horny poetry" and nodded a bit too enthusiastically. Speaking of... no walk with Big A today, but I pulled together a really nice lemony, chicken-meatball soup using up all the garnish-y stuff from our Indian takeout earlier this week and the eggplant that might have ended up in the compost heap soon. And it went great with the rosemary fougasse we'd baked yesterday. Home Ec success.

The Low Road

Big A is cheating the puppies at play in this picture; I want the record to show that 😊. Also, despite a full day, it felt quite low. But also, I've been remembering Marge Piercy's poem, and plan to share it with the family tomorrow at dinner.

(In other news, birthday parties for KB and SS and a fougasse bake-along with PM and posse.)

The Other World

I had to make a quick trip to college to pick up some books and papers... and felt like a phantom. I didn't expect to see teaching colleagues, and I didn't. But I'd thought admin were still around given the volume of daily emails, but they weren't. My desk calendar was stuck at March 14th... has it really been that long?! My office plants mostly weathered my spectacular negligence--the geraniums were even in full bloom! A couple of the pothos had developed tired, yellowing leaves though and the ivy had browned. I did a quick water, prune, and replant in 20 or so minutes, picked up the stuff I'd come for, and dashed.

The nice part of the the trip back was dropping off birthday presents for KB and SS, baklava for JG, and a gift for KM (from Nu).  It was nice and it took longer than I'd planned because everyone (incl. KM's dad) wanted to chat. When JG and I set of for a quick stroll we had 45 mins and the timer to turn back went off at the corner of her street because we'd run into colleagues and had chatted for 22 mins.

It was a good thing dinner was (by kids' decree) takeout from Pizza 1. I picked up their order at 4 and made it home by 5, just in time for TV and cuddles.

Moods

Huckie side-eying the whole world is my current mood.

(Except this picture is hilarious, and I keep bursting into giggles every time I catch sight of it.)

Monday Magic

It's a good day when it begins with Nu doing a magic trick for the puppy sibs and Huck responds with a standing trick of her own.

Today marked the start of official lesson plans from Nu's school district, At finished up his final project for the term, I turned in my grades, Big A is on back-to-back shifts... kind of a momentous Monday for these times.

"NPCs?"

Snuck out for a walk with these guys and when the other kids saw this picture, they were a bit jealous and claimed that dad and puppies looked like unreal NPCs. Apparently in video-game-ese it stands for a "non-player character." I see it, actually!

All family pics are either the kids or Big A these days... that's just the way it is in these days because of isolating Big A. Friend-writer SS suggested that I write about how difficult and stressful it is to isolate within the family--but what's there to say beyond how much it sucks?

Simply put:

  

That's it; that's the post.

Sweetness

Today I was quite housebound with meetings, and I'm tired. Chopping veggies and making dinner was the most creative and relaxing thing I did all day. And I don't usually make dessert, but this "crumble" (long-ago store-bought almond granola,  not-so-juicy blueberries, some apples gone soft, brown sugar, coconut oil) made me feel like a domestic goddess.

Also, I didn't realize it at the time, but this tea-towel that L left on the porch for me last Saturday with brownies, a card, and fruit was my very own Easter basket, wasn't it?! Love L!

Daffodils and Delights

A day that was full of surprises: for me--blue skies and a slope of daffodils and birds; for the kids--Easter baskets and an indoors easter-egg hunt.

I plan kids' presents way ahead of time, so I had most of what I needed. I added some candy, chamomile and lavender grow-tins, and lotions on my grocery run ten days ago and we were all set.

At and Nu really lit up with joy for the egg hunt. There were six clues, highly specific to us and extremely silly/simple. When they solved one, they'd find the next clue and so on...
Two here are princesses (in their head)

Sometimes they nap in their princess ----

When it's Friday there are things we do well:

getting bottus, praying to Jeji and ringing the ----

When it's dinner and it's time to eat,

this is where my butt finds a ------.

When the tea garden is in bloom like a glade

Nu- likes us to sit here and sip lemon----------

At put these together when he was a little buddy

Sometimes he sits here when he needs to ---------

When it's a smile on Mama's face you want to see

this is where you go to make her some hot ---------

It made me smile to hear Nu working out that last one "Not where Mama makes herself tea--where we make her tea!" (And hence not the stovetop in the kitchen, but rather the electric kettle in the rumpus room 😍.)

Rising above

I want to be like Huckie!

Basics: Walks and Hugs

My kids seem ok with not leaving the house. Nu (a sliver of blue way back in this pic) has taken to getting through the daily exercise requirement by walking in the backyard with Scoutie and Huckie. At has cited "hell week" and "finals week" as excuses to not leave the house--like at all.

But all four kids have been absolutely amazing with support and kindness and love. Almost... carelessly? Yesterday around breakfast, At just ambled over and enveloped me in a huge hug. When I asked him how he knew I needed a hug, he said "when do you not need a hug?" It was kind of sweet and funny, and made me chuckle whenever I thought of it all day. When I thanked him for it at dinner, HE HAD NO MEMORY OF IT. Either he just thinks I'm super needy and throws me hugs all the time, or I'm imagining things now?

(Social Distance) Serenade

This week I guess I was anointed neighborhood  birthday coordinator? I received an "emergency email" about another birthday on our street and after some organizing, about 20 of us gathered to sing "Happy Birthday" at 10 am before the expected rain could drown us out.

Still worrying about Big A headed to NYC, may have had a tiny freakout on FB, threw away the kids' takeout mango lassis because how could I be sure they were safe, ordered some ski googles to protect Big A, etc., but I'm in bed now with human and canine kids and things feel... OK.

Time to Freak Out

Big A has been talking about how dire things are in NYC and thinking about heading out to help. Today the city sent out an emergency alert to every NYC phone and waived privileges, credentialing and other requirements for out-of-state healthcare workers. I think I knew even as we were walking with the puppies and making our usual silly jokes that he had decided to go.

He told me late this evening... or rather, he "asked me" if he could go. He's just told his practice and is trying to rearrange his shifts here. 

The thing is I was selfishly hoping that we'd make it out ok as Lansing has PPE (for now) and not as many cases (for now). I even suggested he go to Detroit instead--at least I would be able to get to him if needed. I know he's doing the right thing. But I'm so scared, ashamed for being this selfish, and really, really scared.