anticipatory story

my mother is old, my father older

the hopes in my heart older too 

I will them to come back daily

the way every day shows

the way every day shows us

loved ones and love come and go 

they go where? are gone how?

go ahead and tell me, though

I won't want to know

really won't want to know

how details rip truth like velcro

float in water like a miracle

or a corpse or an insect

I think it's a window

and like a window

in each story where we're still alive 

it is not the vertigo of certainty

telling the usual ways of love

at times, mourning knows

only mourning knows

____________________

Pic: Father's Day blooper reel. Big A's tee says "Doodfather" because he's a very indulgent dog (goldendoodle) dad. Max and Huck just couldn't stay still. I talked to my dad early in the morning... I miss him a bit extra because he's not up for (is just too old for) 24-hour travel and is not coming later this month with my mom and sis. 

Joy and Power

I've been wishing people a joyful and powerful No Kings Day. And by all accounts, it seems like it was both of those things for everyone who attended. Some of my favorite signs were "No Faux King Way" (say it fast!) and a "No Parking" sign with the "Par" part crossed out. Gathering in large numbers with united purpose and creativity is joy and power.

I went with people, but was still a bit nervous about being grabbed off the street and sent off to a jail somewhere. It's just that crazy out there these days or I'm just that crazy these days. Either way. 

Just to make sure I looped in some joy, I hit the Farmer's Market and went to a graduation party as well. 

Pic: The crowd of protestors at the Capitol this morning. 

I got my way, but not the puppy

The third puppy was an impulse wish, so things may change yet again, but for now--I don't think I'm getting Legolas (Lego). 

Friends were uniformly supportive in their encouragement. To Big A's caution that three puppies might be excessive, LV scoffed that SIX might SEEM excessive, but not three. That still makes me laugh.

Big A, At, and Nu came around. (My mom used to say that I like to test people who love me. That sounds awful, and I probably do. But I don't think I was yearning for a puppy to test them.) 

Ultimately, it was another family member who changed my mind. We had a lot of visitors last week, and I noticed Max is a bit shy and seems to need his mama more than Huck or Scout did. He's usually rambunctious, so this public persona is a bit surprising. It made me feel like he's still a baby and needs more time as the baby of the family. 

Pic: Baker Woods with L. It was an explosion of green the moment I stepped in. So different from two months ago when I was last there with Lisa.

Feeling the Bern

Nance asked if the kids were jealous that we went to the concert. Not really. For one we'd offered to take them. For another, they had major plans. 

Nu had been excited to attend an online college orientation. They did attend and seem even more oriented and ready now. 

At was scheduled to facilitate this zoom webinar on organizing in the workplace with Senator Bernie Sanders and Harini Sudhakar. 

I got a kind of shout-out. When talking about the importance of socializing with coworkers, At mentioned how one of his coworkers had been an Indian woman with kids who didn't socialize in the usual way outside of work. But At's "Indian mom" (me!) invited her over to dinner and At was able to get to know her better that way. I guess I'm part of labor history now!

Pic: I couldn't watch the event live because I was at the concert, but At just sent me a recording of the webinar, and this was the moment Senator Sanders thanked At for her work before he left. At's text to the family chat was right--Bernie does pronounce At's Sanskrit name perfectly.

what we have here

(here) is the door I promised, my darling

the moon growing full with welcome

late in the evening as our day turns

it is holy to need someone so

(so) scrutiny doesn't concern us anymore

our breath weakening in the breaks

like a broken stone collecting 

freedom, opening

(opening) trust deep as the release of cicadas 

from earth--their rising a resurrection

from the profound time of dreams

and dirt and promise

_____________

Pic: It's the one month of the year our rhododendron is in bloom; I'm in awe every time I glimpse it.

"We gon' be alright/ Do you hear me, do you feel me? /We gon' be alright"

We've had tickets to the Kendrick Lamar + SZA show since before the Superbowl. I think it was Big A's present to me/himself (I forget). Anyway, that was today... and it was awesome. Like really awesome. The production was a treat. 

I love Kendrick Lamar's work. I don't know SZA's work other than the bangers and her duets with him, but the young people seemed very into her. It's kinda an odd professional pairing--he's a poet and... she's a different kind of poet, I guess.

In any case, I was reminded how much the lyrics to "Alright" had become an anthem in the first phase of the Black Lives Matter protests (before George Floyd). (Lump-in-my-throat moment.) It's a great reminder for our present. We've been here before: "We gon' be alright/ Do you hear me, do you feel me? /We gon' be alright."

Pic: We had very good seats, but I couldn't see much. In the picture, the real Kendrick is in the center (really tiny), and I contented myself with the screen versions most of the time.

next week will be better

I saw a thing somewhere that said adult life is about telling yourself that next week will get easier and you'll get to relax when it's over... over and over again... that's depressing.

I'm back in the classroom this week for a workshop with Kevin Gannon of Radical Hope: A Teaching Manifesto. And the thing is, yes... it's supposed to be summer break, but it's so wonderful being in a classroom 'cos I'm so nerdy. And being in this particular workshop makes me feel like things really could get better for all of us, you know?

Also, admin reminded me that I hadn't submitted my annual report, so I started on it... and whoa! I've done a lot!

Pic: I asked Kevin Gannon, who's facing the camera, if I could use his picture--but I wanted to keep my colleagues somewhat incognito.