My sweet sister has been breaking my heart on the regular. This morning, we both just sat in silence at a loss for words on how to comfort each other.
The other day she said she was more worried for me because I'm the "sensitive one" and all of this is probably more difficult for me (she's the younger one!).
She's making a trip to a temple this weekend because she said her wish about Amma was granted. (?????) What wish, I asked in confusion. She said: "Like a fool, I asked that Amma be released from the ICU since she hated being in there by herself... and a promise is a promise."
I told her I'd be taking the deity to task for doing such a bad job. Yes, you were supposed to release mom from the ICU... and keep her healthy.
This sent me on a tangent about how my mom loved (and taught me to love) the poems of the 17th century Bhakti poet Ramadas (a pen name, which translates to "Rama's devotee"). He famously embezzled money from his (Muslim Sultan) employer to refurbish a Rama temple, was caught, thrown in jail, and then wrote a lot of angry poetry to the God Rama scolding him for his inability to rescue him.
One famous and irreverent poem called "Ishvaku kula tilaka" reminds Rama of the many pieces of jewelry Ramadas bought for him with his embezzled monies and asks Rama--"What? Did you forget? Do you think your dad bought all that for you?" lol. So rude! It's actually in a tradition called Ninda Stuti, where the devotee assumes a familiar relationship and goads the deity before seeking deliverance. But that's totally what I would be doing...
My mom would have thought this was hilarious. We would have sung "Ishvaku Kula Tilaka" together and then followed it up with "Palluke Bangaramayena" (Can't you reply? Have your words become as precious as gold?).
14 comments:
It’s the whole Monkey’s Paw thing, right? You make a wish, or pray, but you have to do it so carefully, or it will backfire on you. This makes me believe that Hindu and Greek/Roman gods make more sense than a Christian god, because they have a sense of humor and enjoy torturing people. The Christian god isn’t supposed to do that (and yet…)
It's like you're in my head, J! I wrote and deleted a line about capricious gods before I posted... exactly!
What is it -- be careful what you wish for, you might get it? I know that guilt too well. Specifics are everything, but how well can we think things through when we are worried, scared, longing for normal or the next best thing? I hope you all know that everyone did the best they could at the time. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. (And one would think the gods would have better interpretive skills.)
Oh my friend. And your poor sister. It’s a lot to handle and I hate that your sister feels her prayer was answered but in the wrong way. I am glad you 2 have each other to walk along this path of grief.
I thought Monkey's Paw too!
It's so much and you two are so far away from each other. Sending so much love to you both.
I am unreasonably excited and happy about all these people who know the Roald Dahl story "The Monkey's Paw." I taught that story and the kids always loved it. Yay!
But this is about you.
I'm glad you have your sister for comfort even though at times the distance makes it difficult. I admire your sister's devotion to keeping her promise despite what you see as a technicality.
And yes, I'm all for snarking at deities. That was my transition to atheism, actually, from catholicism. A whole lot of rebellious, snotty, accusatory snarking.
Oh, to have one another to lean on in your grief... but also to have to be strong for one another. What a gift and a hardship, all in one.
Jeanie, I tend to make my wishes so broad that I have to be happy with whatever I get. Yes, when the stakes are high, I think we do tend to superstition.
Thank you, Lisa. It really got to me when she prefaced it with "Like a fool..." As if the whole thing was on her somehow.
Thank you, Nicole. I know _Monkey's Paw_ as a play, so I'll have to go look it up!
We've been talking about _Monkey's Paw_ a lot this last week in our house (talk about synchronicity!) as the last time I was on the stage (I'm a notoriously bad actor). I know it as a one-act play... I didn't know (or forgot) it was a Roald Dahl piece. I'm a bit anxious to look into any of his stuff too deeply these days, honestly.
Suzanne, all this... how are you so good at condensing this confusing season... <3
Grief can really complicate the holiday season. I hope you are a comfort to each other, even from afar.
So I'm learning firsthand... Thank you for all the kindnesses, Steph.
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