Wednesday, July 10: Big A's healthcare team doesn't have a clear way forward, so neither do we. But I found the buttons to move his bed up and down, and that was a solid two minutes of good giggles.
When I can't be with A, I feel more alone than I can ever remember being. Usually, even when he's away working nights, I can fire off a text, chat a bit, compare Wordle scores, joke about something, share something I dreamt. Not this time.
Thursday, July 11: We decided not to tell our elderly parents until we had something to report, but that means I've told very few people IRL, and as a consequence do not have my usual posse to help me through. A is very private and doesn't care, but it's proving super tough for me.
The people I did tell have surrounded me with special dropoffs and cards and care and prayers and love. And I can't thank my lovely blog friends enough for the kind messages and Care Bear stares 💗. And At and Nu have been simply amazing, taking care of themselves and the puppy sibs and being so loving... they even tried extra hard on family chat.
Friday, July 12: It still feels like being insulated from "real life"--like I'm living in a bubble. There's a sense of unreality about the rest of the world--like how are people just going to the farmers' market, or the pool or walks, and binging TV, and reading novels, and other stuff? This is all stuff I usually do too--but it seems impossible and unreal just now.
Also: I have all the time in the world, just sitting around and waiting (has any other room been so aptly named as the waiting room?). And yet, there's no time to do things I'd like to do.
Saturday, July 13: We finally have a new protocol to try that's not just emergency management of symptoms, so I'm hopeful things will improve. They have to.
Obviously, everything makes me cry, including this dancing toddler. And obviously, I've imagined the worst over and over again. In fact, I imagined it before we even got to the hospital.
Sunday, July 14: A seems better (I hope it's not just wishful thinking).
And I catch myself thinking about all the ways life is bound to change after this: I've always thought of A as the stronger partner--I'm going to really step up now. And I wonder what this will mean for trips we've planned together...
Monday, July 15: A *is* better. OMG. Tests confirm this, but we still have a few more days of monitoring before we're home.
Things I want to do when we get back to a more normal.
1) Teach the kids to cook. I love hearing how Steph Love's kids make amazing meals (kinda like the kids in Catherine Newman's books) and I want At and Nu to be able to do that too. We could spend all sorts of quality time together.
2) Make time for dance. When we went out together the last time, it was so fun to dance at the concert (was that just a couple of weeks ago?!) and I don't know why we don't do it more often. Even if it's ONE song, I want dance in my life everyday.
3) Try dry needling for my shoulder pain.
4) Plant taller deer-resistant flowers in the garden.
I'm behind on so much and wish I had more goal-driven to-dos, but I guess escapism is key right about now.
12 comments:
I read every word with tears in my eyes. What an ordeal you have been through and may A's healing be smooth and complete. Sending all the love and CBS right now.
Also, dancing is amazing and why DON'T we do it more? Kids cooking, also amazing, as are deer resistant plants and dry needling. Dry needling was a game changer for me with my wonky hip, back in 2019.
xoxoxoxoxo
I'm really glad to hear he's home. Wishing him continued healing and whatever activities make this a better time for all of you.
What an ordeal--for everyone. The Unknown is always so horribly hard. And waiting is disheartening and crushing. Your natural inclination is to share feelings with your partner, but you have to be upbeat and carry him through. It's a terrible burden, I know.
I'm so glad that he is getting better and that outcomes are brighter. You sound hopeful and just the mere fact that you are planning ahead sounds happy and relieved.
It's good to see you back here. It's wonderful to see You back. XO
I recommend acupuncture for the shoulder pain and also the energy imbalances--
It helps me so so so so much. Glad to read this update-- so scary and happy to hear trending in the right direction .
Hugs to you, friend. It is such a weird feeling when the whole world is going around like normal (people are going to work, eating McDonald's, and cleaning toilets) and you're in a hospital room, uncertain about things. It's so hard. I hope there's a way forward and everyone will be home soon!
(Typed from a hospital room. We are living parallel lives right now.)
Take care.
What an ordeal, for both of you. Glad to hear things are finally moving in the right direction. And I agree with Nance, it's nice to hear you planning ahead.
The jury is still out on dry needling for me, but I'm hopeful. I'll give you more feedback when I have it.
So glad things are getting better. How terrifying. (And I hope things go well for NGS's situation above as well.)
My kids are each cooking a meal a week this summer. They've moved to pretty complicated meals this year with a lot less supervision than in previous years. It's really nice. DC2 enjoys cooking for the process, but DC1 likes that it's a useful grown-up skill.
I'm so sorry to hear that things have been so stressful and uncertain. I hope they continue to trend in the right direction.
Nicole--Thank you, friend. Those CBSs were lifesaving and I read this so comment with matching tears. XOXOXO
Thank you, Steph.
Nance--Thank you. This made me emotional. <3
Thank you, Sarah. Putting acupressure on the list.
Engie! I hope you're back home! What a weird and unwelcome coincidence.
Jenny, thanks so much!
Gillian--Thanks!
NicoleAndMaggie--Thank you. And yes, I remember your kids working through your recipe books. I wish I had started mine earlier.
Suz--Thank you!
I just started a Catherine Newman book and totally get your reference to cooking kids. I want to teach mine, too when they are ready.
Continued light your way, and hugs.
Daria--Thank you. I hope your littles enjoy cooking when they (and you!) are ready. I read the Impossible Things book too... I thought her _Sandwich_, which was funnier, was better though.
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