What would my childhood self think about grownup me?
I've been thinking about it since Nance mentioned that she keeps her kindergarten picture on her dresser to remind her "of the little girl who wanted to be a teacher and a mom. I look at her often and think about how so many of her dreams came true and then some. It helps me stay grateful."
I'm five in this picture, and my favorite thing was to line up my sister, our ayah, and the dolls in my playroom to play school--with me as the teacher. So I think five-year-old me would be thrilled that I grew up to be a teacher and tickled to know I have kids and puppies of my own--I think they'd find that part really hilarious. Back then, the expectation to be "good" was intense--I wonder what five-year-old me would think of my daily quest to be a better person, to keep learning... When I was little, I was always afraid of being orphaned (I read too much even back then), so I wish I'd known my parents would know their grandkids...
Like Nance, I too am grateful that so many of my dreams have come true--even dreams I did not yet know to have for myself. I can see myself at ten or eleven lying on the terrace looking up at planes and wondering (not even wishing, really) *if* I would have a job, if I would fly on a plane (only my parents had flown at this point), and if anyone would fall in love with me.
Pic: An old B&W portrait of my family (dad, sis, mom, me). I remember so clearly that my dress was a very pale pink and white with a soft collar and square white buttons with a pink inlay; my sister's dress was a hand-me-down from me, it had been a favorite until I grew out of it--I called it the "peacock frock" because it cascaded in overlapping "feathers" and had a deep blue embroidered motif on each. I'm pretty sure my mom's organza sari is orange with white polka dots. When the square belt buckle (buttons and buckle were all purely decorative) on my dress fell off, I used it as a tool at my art table to scrape excess crayon off the paper and even out the colors. I wore a school uniform to school, and "play" clothes at home; I had a very small collection of "fancy" clothes to wear to parties, the club, and so on and I remember most of them quite fondly. My sister was wearing a corrective leg brace at that point, which is why my parents are holding her hands on either side. No one is holding my hand... I wonder what I seem so pleased about... Wow. I did not expect to remember so much. And look at my HAIRY forehead!! lol
10 comments:
What a darling picture and you still look so much like your 5 year old self! I was also SO WORRIED about terrible tragedy. I read The Little Princess in first grade and it really did a number.
You look so much like yourself! I was a worried child and a big reader as well, but I always kind of wished to go to boarding school like the girls in all the books I read. Like Sarah I read A Little Princess in grade one and was obsessed with it.
I don't remember anything I "wanted to be" when I was five though, but I love that your schooling dreams came true!
You do still resemble that little girl, physically and otherwise. I think your ability to remember the past in such detail is probably's a poet's gift.
What a wonderful family portrait. Your father looks so serious, and your mother's face is so soft and kind. You look a little mischievous, as if you have a secret, or perhaps someone bribed you with a treat after the photo if you behaved.
Being a reader makes us observers and rememberers, I think. We devour so avidly every detail in books; we immerse ourselves in those worlds. It's only natural that we recall details of things we loved in the same way.
I'm glad so many of your dreams came true. (And then some!)
How lovely you are!! Your mother's face is so calm, content and confident. Love the sly look on your sister's face.
You look so mischievous in that photo! I bet you were a real handful!
Cute photo.
Thank you, everyone <3
Sarah and Nicole--omigosh, yes! The Little Princess is brutal!
StephLove--I am so thrilled every time you say "poet"--as I think of myself as a dabbler.
Nance--thank you for your wonderful post that inspired this and your kind words here.
Mom and Gillian--thank you!
NGS--strangely enough, I wasn't... I was extremely biddable (back then at least :D).
I love this. You made me remember that five-year-old me wanted to be an author, so I better get on it :)
Chiconky--yes! And I can see you with a picture of your five-year-old self on your dresser too.
Post a Comment