I just finished Deepa Varadarajan's Late Bloomers the book Nicole inadvertently recommended. It's not terrific, but it is about South Indians in the U.S., and I kept reading out of curiosity. It's about people in their 50s dating other people after having been married to each other for 30+ years.
Coincidentally, an older colleague of Big A's is going through a divorce at 60+ and I was surprised to hear Big A say that perhaps after 60 people should just stay put in their relationships. I find that disturbing--surely people should be free to start over at any point in their lives? Why should someone live another 30 potential years with someone they don't like?
And then, oops! Straight on the heels of finishing one book about South Indians, I started Abraham Verghese's Covenant of Water and am loving the intensely South Indian location and poetics of it all. There was a moment where a character helps a vendor lift the wicker basket off their head and land it on the ground--and that gesture seemed to tug at some memory of seeing that... in a movie? My grandmother's house? I think the writing is beautiful and the story compelling... but honestly, maybe I like it so much because there are flashes of the city I grew up in? And there's an elephant! What more could I want?
Pic: Big A, Huck (lounging near me), and Max (longing for me).
6 comments:
Errrghhh sorry about the inadvertent recommendation, I'm glad you paid so little for it. It was okay. I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it either. I LOVED Cutting for Stone so I'll definitely read Covenant of Water.
I was thinking about what Big A said, and I am definitely with you. I have a friend who was desperately unhappy in her marriage and she was just waiting for her youngest to leave home. Her youngest at that time was 12, I think, and all I could think of was all this time wasted being unhappy. Anyway, I agree that starting over should happen whenever a person wants. Is being alone worse than being unhappy? I don't think so, but I guess I don't really know.
Sometimes when I'm walking the dog, I think about how there are just lions and elephants and bears walking around the planet. Like, presumably not in the woods where I am walking the dog, but there are ELEPHANTS. Walking around the world. Like. My mind is blown about this.
I think Big A's wrong. Why remain in a state of perpetual unhappiness simply because of longevity? How would anything ever change?
I know someone who stays married simply because it's fiscally better to do so, but she's incredibly unhappy. Her husband lives in the home, even. They cannot stand each other and avoid being in the same room. They cook and eat meals separately. What kind of life is that? I'd do anything to avoid a perpetual existence of misery.
Nicole, Nance--Yes, Big A is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. :). Also: I don't like that he feels that way. We're not a long way from 60 ourselves, and I would want us to stay together because we want to, not because we ran out of energy!
NGS--That is so cute and quirky! I would love to meet an elephant on a walk! (I'll pass on bears and kions though.)
Beth's parents split when they were 65 & 67. Apparently she still regrets waiting so long to leave him, even though it was 15 years ago.
Important discussion.
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