Wednesday, May 24, 2023

but I haven't told all the stories yet

It has been a month.

I'm sorry to sound like a broken record, but I can't say it out loud to other people (except Big A)... I miss Scout. I miss Scout. I miss Scout. 

I do keep telling stories about him to everyone... and sometimes if the person I'm telling the story to is a stranger I might never see again, I tell the stories in present tense as though he were alive. 

I have so many stories. How we called him the 'writing wolf', because he'd wake up and hang out with me to write. Or how we called him 'wolf puppy' when he'd writhe on his back and bare his teeth. and how--we don't have a name for this--but how he'd get upset at raised voices and bark at the person who was being mean. 

Pic: Scout running to meet me--just about two years ago. This may be my favorite (grainy, fuzzy) picture of Scout.


StephLove said...

It takes time. I don't feel ready to get another cat yet, but I have found myself thinking a lot about names for kittens, which must mean something is lightening a little in me.

That's a lovely picture.

Gillian said...

Sorry for Scout.

Nicole said...

Honestly, Maya, you will always miss Scout but it does get easier. It really does. It was so hard the first few months after Barkley died, and I could barely look at other dogs in the neighbourhood, but it definitely started to get easier. Now I just think of him every day but only the happy things, and in a way that is more warm than sad. I barely remember how hard those final months were. Now he's a beautiful memory.

Sarah said...

I miss Beatrix, too. Especially when I come in the mudroom door and she's not there. Or when I come up from thew basement and there's no dog bed under the table. No one to sleep on sheets waiting to go in the washer-- the list is endless. All of this is to say, I get it, and it sucks.

NGS said...

Grief is not linear and you have every right to be where you are in your process whenever you are there. Tell those stories, look at the pictures, and be in your moment.

maya said...

StephLove--thank you, I think about you and Xander too when I yearn for Scout. You once described your life with Beth in cats--and knowing that there *will* be cats in the empty nest stage is a kind of hope.

Thank you, Gillian.

Nicole--That is such a beautiful hope--thank you. I would like to think that one day memories will bring smiles rather than tears.

Sarah--our bereavements happened to so close together, I think of the unfairness of it all and how 9/10 years and incurable conditions are so unfair in anyone we love...

NGS--Thank you 💗

reading between the flowers

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