Thursday, January 13, 2022

in and out of the woods

We made a decision yesterday about Big A's university offers after our tromp through the woods. We mulled over the same series of circumstances and determinants and possibilities we have for weeks now and decided to go for the offer closest geographically and to his dream position. 

It means he'll spend 50% of his time in Milwaukee with the coming academic year.

Yesterday, L kept texting little things to show she was thinking of me, I had a good cry with my mom the day before that, and today--I told people at work so we could start brainstorming strategies to make single parenting possible in the Fall when I go back to teaching.


Elisabeth said...

Big decisions, but I'm sure it feels like a weight lifted to have the decision part behind you?

I did 50% solo parenting for about 8 years while my husband travelled for work. It was tough because he started when our first was about 6 months! I'm not sure how I managed at the time. It all came to an abrupt end when COVID hit and he has been working from home almost exclusively since March of 2020 (only two trips in that almost 2-year period).

I have a feeling if/when he goes back to that much travel again it will be significantly easier since both kids are now school age and much more independent. But it's definitely a challenging lifestyle for everyone involved, but also comes with some good tradeoffs as well!

maya said...

It's like you read my mind! I was going to say I felt lighter after we made the decision, but didn't want to jinx myself. Thank you so much for the thoughtful points you make. I may reach out with requests for strategies that helped you.

Elisabeth said...

Sometimes the "stewing" is worse than the doing.

I DEFINITELY learned a lot over the years; as I mentioned, I think it would be quite different now just because the kids are older. I'm not saying it would be that much easier...just different. There are different responsibilities and stressors as the kids get bigger and more independent (though, overall, I think it would/will be easier!).

Feel free to pop me an e-mail with any and all questions. It was a huge part of my life for so long (about 8 years). It's also crazy, though, how quickly we got used to life with him being home. It feels, in some ways, like he never used to be on the road that much. It's strange! I guess i never fully got used to him being away so much. It did always feel foreign. We did have some other factors, too, like the fact it wasn't predictable and he did A LOT of international travel, so he was constantly coming home jetlagged and we would have to communicate and be juggling different time zones from week to week, which...thankfully, doesn't sound like it would be the case for you?

All the best! Wishing you smooth transitions :)

maya said...

I had already planned to email you, thank you so much for the encouragement <3.

One of my main anxieties is on the opposite end of the kids' age spectrum as yours... It's just one human kid at home now, and I'm worried about maintaining a "family experience" when it's just the two of us at the dinner table etc. Ugh.


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