in the leaving and the love

I wrote this as a talisman 
to protect my kids
a sort of post-it 
for peace

                            for times parents become 

                            casual as strangers
                            until they meet
                            in the street
if the kids are looking
they should pick up 
how the past is 
in pieces

                      knowing it's better to love 
                      where you happen to be

                       until you again find... 
                       in me your home

____________

Pic: A full morning moon nestled between the clouds and chemtrails on my way to work this morning. By the time I got out of work this evening, the moon was back in the sky. I barely saw the fam today!

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?

At around 3 this morning, I looked out of the window and there was an absolutely beautiful moon... I asked Big A if he'd go on a walk with me, he said sure, so we headed downstairs, Max and Huckie joined us, and then we all walked around in the moonlight for a while... It was calm and sublime and somehow something I needed.

(Written out like that it sounds a bit odd. I often wonder if Big A and I are perfect for each other or atrocious for each other... we so rarely try to talk each other out of our (no doubt sometimes bad) ideas... we're really like some dumb Pisces-Scorpio astrology writeup come to life.)

In other news, my application to teach an eight-week online course for students in Gaza has been accepted! Also: our idealistic (and now, sadly, outgoing) college president has started up a prison education initiative, and I'll get a chance to teach in a local prison again (I did something like this long ago in grad school). I am so happy to be participating in both of these programs. I mean, I wish there wasn't an ongoing epistemicide in Gaza and that we didn't have a carceral state stateside, but those things are happening anyway, and now I get to help out in a role I love.

Pic: I learned how to stop my phone from using its automatic flash, and got an okay picture of the moon! I learned today is a supermoon... 

colorless green idea

The more things change... the more they are changed, I guess? 

Pictures of me passed out with puppies on top aren't new... but this one with Max in the crook of my knees reminded me so much of the last one Big A took before we knew Scout was sick... mostly because of the way *I* am sleeping so furiously. 

Noam Chomsky (in his pre-political activist 1950s avatar as a serious linguist) constructed a sentence I've always loved. He gives us "Colorless green ideas sleep furiously"  as an example of an utterance that makes sense grammatically but is semantically nonsensical. Really? I think I might be a colorless green idea... I sleep so furiously!

In other news, Nu seems recovered from their cold and has really been riding their new name high. It seems they're exempt from all chores and duties and get to pick dinner every day this week? "It's a once in a lifetime occasion," I was told cheerfully :). Fair enough. Also, we gave Nu presents yesterday--it's a birth-day, kinda? And we got to thinking how we don't give babies presents when they're born--it's more like here's a fresh diaper, if you make it to a year, we'll throw you a party then... Rude!

A Nu Name!

Nu's baby name has stayed the same, but their formal name change became legal today! We've been using their new formal name for a few years now, and it suits them so well, so I didn't think I'd get emotional at the court hearing... but of course I did.

It was such a relief to have everything go so smoothly, and it was such a blessing to have the entire experience with our courts--from the filing clerk all the way to the judge--be so respectful, supportive, and affirming. 

The judge took the time to compliment Nu, find out how to correctly pronounce their Sanskrit name, remark upon their smile... They also exempted us from having to publish the name change and sealed the documents as a measure of protection and support for an underage child living out their authentic life. I am so grateful for these kindnesses--I know too many parents from states like Texas and Florida who basically have had to flee as their kids were in danger from the anti-trans laws that have gone into effect over the last couple of years. I wish our experience were more universal.

Nu was sick today and stayed home from school. I kept them fortified with gingery lemon soup, honey tea, and banana muffins (the last item by request). We'll celebrate with a proper celebratory dinner and cake (with our At!) on Wednesday. 

Pic: Nu with Big A at our Zoom court hearing.

building a mystery

1) It's no mystery that I love Jennifer Finney Boylan, I've basically fangirled since I met her in 2011. I don't know though, why I waited so long to read her collab with Jodi Picoult--Mad Honey. For the last couple of days I've been waiting to finish all my million persnickety multiplying duties so I could sit down with my book. Just finished it today, and there were so many parts that brought me to tears and so many twists I didn't see coming and so many parts I just had to reread. It was so good. 

2) I was in a mad panic yesterday because I had written up a paper proposal about the Jhumpa Lahiri collection, Roman Stories, but couldn't find it in my email or the Google doc I'd been working on with some colleagues on another proposal. I finally found the huffy title I'd used ("Tell Me Where it Hurts: Ailment and Alienation in Jhumpa Lahiri’s Roman Stories"), by using Google History, and after over an hour of searching every doc I had opened in March, I finally found the notes I made. Back to the drawing board, I guess.

3) I got brave today and went looking for the snake I saw three weeks ago. I wore long boots, made a lot of noise, and was on high alert. But Mx. Slithers seems to have disappeared just as mysteriously as they appeared. I'd read that snakes don't like strong smells, so I took some old packets of curry powder and scattered them in that part of the garden, hoping to scare them away forever.

4) Pic: Huck, Max, Big A, and I out on our post-dinner walk... It's a mystery why our fluffy doodles think they can take on our neighbor's muscular German Shepherd, but they always do their version of trash talk as we pass. 

no stranger world

what if the the days 
called us to 
                                            speak to the strangers 
                                            seek them out
they who have much 
to share of the dark and day 
                                            whose names are conversations
                                             whose hellos are history 
when the voiceover

of memory 

                                            is the scream of a dark dagger 
                                            but sometimes lilts to tomorrow 
saying me saying me
saving me saving me
                                            for it may be as hard to get into a world 
                                            as it is to get out of it 
I too was a stranger once 
how strange that was                                
                                              let it be
                                              let me be

______

Pic: In the woods out front in the evening light. I've been thinking a lot about the way refugees are being described in this moment--partly because we used to live in Yellow Springs (Big A's old hometown), which is close to Springfield, OH... in fact, Big A was born in a Springfield hospital! Also, Haiti itself is both inspiring as the first country to win independence from slavery, but tragic for the way France has tethered it to poverty in retaliation. And I love the stoics and more recently, Martha Nussbaum's interpretation of cosmopolitanism as "bringing the stranger in." I would find it wonderful to live in a world where there were no "strangers."

a proper Friday the thirteenth

Pic: My friend PJ sent this photo of the wildfires (one of four!) raging around her home in Redlands, CA. People two blocks north of them have been evacuated, but PJ and her partner and their menagerie of animals are still sheltering in place there... at least for the moment.

PJ's pic was both a reality check and a metaphor for today--I just had to disengage from some tasks to focus on other more pressing ones. This has been a week of missed appointments and misunderstandings but luckily the work week is at an end and I get to rest, reset, and restore my settings.