affective vs. relational

When I was sitting with JG at her synagogue yesterday catching up on weeks of news and gossip, we--naturally--started chatting about the election. She's an expert in communication, so she was telling me that while phone banks, yard signs, and postcard campaigns have "affective" worth in that they make the people who participate in them feel good, they don't really convince other people. The only thing that convinces other people and might change votes is reaching out to people in our networks--using our "relational" connection is the only way to persuade people to vote for good. 

Now that we're here. The thought of a Trump presidency terrifies me for all the obvious reasons. And I'm now worried about the possibility of large-scale electoral college swindles. And also, the daily psychic exhaustion of the ongoing genocide in Gaza is immense. At this point, in less than a year, over 350,000 people have died in horrifying and preventable circumstances. The excuse people make for other genocides--"but I didn't know"--doesn't work here. We can look away, but we cannot dare say we didn't know. 350,000 people. This is not normal. This is not a natural disaster we couldn't prevent; on the contrary, we have participated in and precipitated this by sending the bombs that killed these people. Most of us don't want to and yet, despite being a democracy, our government continues to defy us. Which is connected to why I'm not thrilled that that Fucking Dick--Cheney is ostensibly on the same side as me. How is his endorsement a good thing? Who's next? Pol Pot?

Anyway... Deep breath.

Pic: This blurry pic from, as FB reminds me, 16 years ago gets me every time. Big A is home after a 24-hour residency shift at Bellevue and is still in his hospital scrubs so he's not touching the baby--but Nu's delight in their dada is clearly reflected in their shiny eyes, toothless smile, and squishy dancing arms. 

at five in the evening

and under a dulled sky 

grows a grave privilege

I'm  sorry for my grief--

it is a wound I worry 

but also such a wonder

a life made from memory

here's the real, and there

the merely remembered

you  tell  me which

it  is...  I'll  confess 

I  mix  and  mistake

them all the time--even

 dream that some evening 

soon  it  will be spring 

and I will be kneeling

down singing and you 

will be close to me (even 

if you don't like my song)

__________

Pic: A bluejay in the front yard. 

Also: And this is freaky--at the end of that week where I had that dream which I worried meant something about my father's time on earth, I got word that my father's older brother passed away. My sister is attending his funeral tomorrow as our family's representative. My sis really does more than her fair share of family stuff because she's awesome. (Plus she's right there.) I have to say though that I felt a pang when I saw the cute invitations that had been sent out for the pooja my mom and sis just hosted--the shortened versions of their names even rhyme ("Manu and Anu")!

home stuff and homecoming

There's still a bit of summer lingering in the possibility of peaches for a snack, in the lure of the hammock in the afternoons, and yet the mornings are delicious in their cool and misty promise of fall. 

I will have a ton of essays turned in this weekend and need to turn to grading mode soon, so I did all the household stuff today-- watering my zillion plants and cleaning all three floors. I also did the laundry that had accumulated for over 6-8 weeks. I have decades of clothes in my closet but I know my clothes will continue to last me longer if they get cleaned and put away. (I'm trying to talk myself into doing it. I don't like doing laundry although I try to entice myself by scenting everything with lavender essential oil and watching old shows as I fold and put everything away.) Also, and this is new for me, I hand-sawed a pile of kindling to use in the firepit come fall. 

Pic: Nu headed out to homecoming--they spent a lot of time putting their outfit together and I love the detail down to the socks. I have to say, Nu is the cheapest thriftiest teen I know. I remember having to rush to department stores every time At went to an HS social. Nu did not want to shop for the event and sourced everything from their closet and At's old closet. At was homecoming royalty, so Nu had some good material to swipe.

"May Peace Prevail on Earth"

Today, the Greater Lansing United Nations Association (GLUNA) planted a Peace Pole on the MSU campus. I'd been invited to speak as one of the 12 language representatives (repping Hindi), so I moved my standing Friday appointments and showed up.

It was a beautiful day, and the pole was unveiled by GLUNA's youngest member and its oldest (coincidentally, it was their 101st birthday today!). 

The earnestness of it all--the young people embarking on a life devoted to peace, the old people so committed to peace... the people ranged in their hijabs and taqiyahs and kippahs and dashiki and kente and Anishinaabe regalia (I carried my mom's Kashmiri shawl) were so moving. People are amazing and beautiful. We are all miracles. We all deserve peace. 

After I spoke, I was in tears. I stepped offstage to find CD (A book club friend who was there) so she could fold me in a hug. 

Pic: There should be an official press release (with me in it too) out sometime (I know my mom is waiting to see it). But this is a cropped image from a hurried photo I took. The specks at the top are leaves falling like confetti. 

in the leaving and the love

I wrote this as a talisman 
to protect my kids
a sort of post-it 
for peace

                            for times parents become 

                            casual as strangers
                            people you meet
                            in the street
if the kids are looking
they should pick up 
how the past is 
in pieces

                      knowing it's better to love 
                      where you happen to be

                       until you again find
                       in me your home

____________

Pic: A full morning moon nestled between the clouds and chemtrails on my way to work this morning. By the time I got out of work this evening, the moon was back in the sky. I barely saw the fam today!

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?

At around 3 this morning, I looked out of the window and there was an absolutely beautiful moon... I asked Big A if he'd go on a walk with me, he said sure, so we headed downstairs, Max and Huckie joined us, and then we all walked around in the moonlight for a while... It was calm and sublime and somehow something I needed.

(Written out like that it sounds a bit odd. I often wonder if Big A and I are perfect for each other or atrocious for each other... we so rarely try to talk each other out of our (no doubt sometimes bad) ideas... we're really like some dumb Pisces-Scorpio astrology writeup come to life.)

In other news, my application to teach an eight-week online course for students in Gaza has been accepted! Also: our idealistic (and now, sadly, outgoing) college president has started up a prison education initiative, and I'll get a chance to teach in a local prison again (I did something like this long ago in grad school). I am so happy to be participating in both of these programs. I mean, I wish there wasn't an ongoing epistemicide in Gaza and that we didn't have a carceral state stateside, but those things are happening anyway, and now I get to help out in a role I love.

Pic: I learned how to stop my phone from using its automatic flash, and got an okay picture of the moon! I learned today is a supermoon... 

colorless green idea

The more things change... the more they are changed, I guess? 

Pictures of me passed out with puppies on top aren't new... but this one with Max in the crook of my knees reminded me so much of the last one Big A took before we knew Scout was sick... mostly because of the way *I* am sleeping so furiously. 

Noam Chomsky (in his pre-political activist 1950s avatar as a serious linguist) constructed a sentence I've always loved. He gives us "Colorless green ideas sleep furiously"  as an example of an utterance that makes sense grammatically but is semantically nonsensical. Really? I think I might be a colorless green idea... I sleep so furiously!

In other news, Nu seems recovered from their cold and has really been riding their new name high. It seems they're exempt from all chores and duties and get to pick dinner every day this week? "It's a once in a lifetime occasion," I was told cheerfully :). Fair enough. Also, we gave Nu presents yesterday--it's a birth-day, kinda? And we got to thinking how we don't give babies presents when they're born--it's more like here's a fresh diaper, if you make it to a year, we'll throw you a party then... Rude!