Out + About

Back to school shopping at Hot Topic and Culvers' for dinner.

#TeenInChargeTales

a time of discernment

My humans are each engaged in a personal time of discernment...

Nu is figuring out being 13, their gender, and responsibilities and anxieties around high school...

At is experiencing post-graduation life and making meaning of his impromptu gap year...

Big A is dealing with a change of employer and the potential loss/depletion of research funds...

I appear to be panicking at will and slipping into periods of sadness routinely... None of it is inexplicable--if I think about it I can pull up tons of reasons why I should be sad. But it's not particularly discerning or meaningful.

Anyway, something that brought me a momentary chuckle today: I'd switched Siri to "Indian voice" recently. And good thing I did too. When I turned the phone's flashlight on by accident today, I was both faraway and flustered and slipped into Indian/British mode, asking Siri to turn off "the torch." And... it was done even before I stammered out "I mean flashlight." Nice discernment, Indian voice Siri.

Pic: Waterlilies at MSU Horticultural Gardens.

as time runs away

sometimes I speak of myself

in past tense, in third person

--I fall asleep, it's another day

I fall asleep and it's still today

life conveys me, an escalator
I ascend without any attempt 

I make meaning of everything

as time runs away, unmasking

all these unwitnessed narratives

and somedays will remind me 

of me, as I sift for obscurity

dowse for light... stay for me

Pic: T. J. Jarrett 

broads

A bright blue, sunny, HOT day and I spent much of it with JG in a belated joint birthday celebration visiting the Broad Museum (another item off my summer list), discovering a brand new restaurant with outdoor seating, and walking down the riverwalk--just us two broads (ha!) talking, talking, talking.

(I noticed the return of masks--mandatory at the museum, prominent at the restaurant, and intermittent on the riverwalk.)

I didn't find time to dedicate to exercise, but if the goal is to sweat everyday, I certainly achieved that on our 90-degree day.

an answer

so what if scars seam 

my body, it holds 
together

wherever I feel untaught 

I risk transparence

today

you should know how 

defiance clears
my throat

why I quiet in the face

of an ongoing

spectacle

so well trained, when

blossoms happen,

I'm reborn

Pic: Phlox!

walking the walk

I've been walking with the kids fairly regularly--pictured here are three of four. 

The human kids frequently "take turns" walking with me. Not in an eager way--but more like one is busy today so could the other step in, etc. 

For some reason, it sort of makes me happy because it makes me imagine that when I'm elderly and need their care they'll negotiate a mutually compassionate and equitable way to make that work too.

The puppy kids are, naturally, happy to walk any time.

escape landscape

first: sun on high smiling down

then liquid, drenched in luster

leaves, trees, all this causality  

deciphering futures/scriptures

from beauty, I'm still interested 

to learn how to drift with light 

outside lies the anthropocene 

like moths lusting for a glow   

here I'm only: oh's, aw's, noes

mouth heavier than ever before 

I go after words and find sounds:

songs of sobs, verses of laughter

Pic: Baker Woods this morning with L. 
(Not pictured: swampy-slippery paths, at least one spill, and swarms of mosquitoes.)

movie heavy

It was my "Boss Day," and Netflix said Kal Ho Na Ho was available, so that's what I picked for the fam to watch. Feels so weird to think that movie is nearly 20 years old already. 

The songs made At remember dancing in the kitchen in New Jersey 🥰. There's a fair bit of queer baiting in it and the kids picked up on that right away 🥰🥰. Big A and At drifted away after an hour, but Nu watched the movie all the way to the end with me 🥰. 

At and I girded up for a second movie and went to see The Green Knight at the movie theater. Although there was only one other person at our 10:00 pm showing, I think it's going to be our last movie for a while unless things get a lot better. 

I love Arthurian re-visions and The Green Knight delivers sumptuously. Also, it's an era frequently coopted by white supremacists and their narratives, so Dev Patel as Gawain was so satisfying. And I guess it's about maternal machinations, so very apropos for me to see it with At. Ha. 

calibrations

 

I suppose, I suppose

it wasn't you who called me 
from the bottom of the stairs
it was my prayer

my god O my god

I cannot find my way home

as crows fly / as fish swim 

I might disappear 

here while learning

how to gerrymander choice

hung up on nomadic words 

whispering diaspora

Pic: At has been coordinating canvassing for the socialist candidates. I left him a note as the primaries were today...

bits of the day

Out early today to Alma for a seminar/workshop and it was so good to see and be with people--many of whom I haven't seen or been with for a while.  A few people were wearing masks indoors and although we're nearly 100% vaccinated as a college community, I wore mine too out of respect. 

Work, work, work, and then I headed home with JG on the phone to keep me company on the commute home. 

Low: Heart heavy with the looming eviction of millions of families in the middle of a pandemic.

High: Hearing The Foo Fighters' cover of The Beegees' "You Should be Dancing" live from Lollapalooza on the radio. Apparently it's something they've been doing for a while? Anyway, it was the bit of disco silliness that helped me get through the day.

Pic: An early bird posing for me with their accessory worm (yesterday at the Horticultural Gardens).

the week ahead

L snapped a picture of me down by the Red Cedar on the first of my three hikes (sequentially with L, BS, and EM) today.

I'm scheduled for a work seminar Mon and Tues and a professional webinar Weds and Thurs, so it seemed like a good idea to get all the hiking I wanted in today. 

Also a good idea... scheduling a massage for Friday.