There are oranges
the color of gossip
There is tea bruited
to honeyed brownThere is dreaming--
tastes like freedom
There is water shed
parading like blood
_
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Control
Because I have so little control over the big things: my kids' health and their safety: if my fellow drivers on the road will drive wisely; how many chocolates I will grab in a day; etc.: I exercise alarming amounts of control over the small things--things so small that they wouldn't even register if I possessed a slightly saner mind.
For instance, every morning when I make the kids their cheesy eggs for a breakfast boost of protein and fat, I pick the biggest eggs I can find in the box. This is a huge admission of kooky here: I pick the biggest eggs in the box. I don't eat eggs, so it's not like the kids are saved from having to eat the smaller eggs, or that I ever buy a new box because I judge the remaining eggs to be too small. The smallest eggs in the box will be eaten, inevitably, by the very same kids--just on day six, when they are the only remaining eggs. That's bonkers.
From tomorrow I'm going to pick any two eggs.
Freedom.
In related news, we've lived here for three years now, and it appears that I haven't been to the doctor in all that time. (Naturally, I've been there multiple times as chauffeuse and escort.) I tried to make an appointment with our family doc who has taken care of Big A on and off back from when he was a kid and now gives Li'l and Baby A their shots and referrals, to find out that I wasn't even in the system. I've made a Friday appointment to ask about anxiety, neck pain, and lady part exams.
_
For instance, every morning when I make the kids their cheesy eggs for a breakfast boost of protein and fat, I pick the biggest eggs I can find in the box. This is a huge admission of kooky here: I pick the biggest eggs in the box. I don't eat eggs, so it's not like the kids are saved from having to eat the smaller eggs, or that I ever buy a new box because I judge the remaining eggs to be too small. The smallest eggs in the box will be eaten, inevitably, by the very same kids--just on day six, when they are the only remaining eggs. That's bonkers.
From tomorrow I'm going to pick any two eggs.
Freedom.
In related news, we've lived here for three years now, and it appears that I haven't been to the doctor in all that time. (Naturally, I've been there multiple times as chauffeuse and escort.) I tried to make an appointment with our family doc who has taken care of Big A on and off back from when he was a kid and now gives Li'l and Baby A their shots and referrals, to find out that I wasn't even in the system. I've made a Friday appointment to ask about anxiety, neck pain, and lady part exams.
_
Monday, August 15, 2011
The Week Before School
Traveller, we could go
to Damascus. There.
Damn. Mass. Cuss.
It's my humming body
It's skin like chipped dreams
and questions, small cases.
I can wear a Kanjeevaram sari
you will wear a week's stubble
We'll soon travel all summer
in slumber, blessed stateliness
supplicant to windows radiant
with swimming celestial doubt.
_
to Damascus. There.
Damn. Mass. Cuss.
It's my humming body
It's skin like chipped dreams
and questions, small cases.
I can wear a Kanjeevaram sari
you will wear a week's stubble
We'll soon travel all summer
in slumber, blessed stateliness
supplicant to windows radiant
with swimming celestial doubt.
_
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Flight
a few new forms hover over
assaulted by their storm.
Quicksand shadows,
sounds basic as
screams:
fly
_
_
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
Vampire Diaries
It's another beautiful day of sunshine in the second week of middle summer as Bill Felker informed me on my way to work this morning. And literally, the couple of months I look forward to all year long--peek the weather tab on this blog.
And it turns out that (a) Lupus flares are caused by exposure to sunlight, so we ought to keep Li'l A under wraps and out of the light as much as possible. (b) Since Big A started to nightshift it, he sleeps all day and works most nights and he goes out even less than he used to, the blacked out bedroom is one chord G away from being a crypt.
It's like living with vampires, with all the heartache and anguish and regret that implies.
_
And it turns out that (a) Lupus flares are caused by exposure to sunlight, so we ought to keep Li'l A under wraps and out of the light as much as possible. (b) Since Big A started to nightshift it, he sleeps all day and works most nights and he goes out even less than he used to, the blacked out bedroom is one chord G away from being a crypt.
It's like living with vampires, with all the heartache and anguish and regret that implies.
_
Sunday, July 03, 2011
SUPER 8
Loved it. And the shout out to Dayton was the highlight of our quiet midwestern phase of life.
We've been putting off seeing it because of the Lupus-suspicion related anguish and Big A's even weirder hours. And as we walked into the movie theater, Li'l A said--I look at that poster for Super 8 and I have no idea what it's going to be about.
I should have taken that opportunity to give my mom a heads up, because she told me later that she kept counting and recounting the kids and kept coming up with just six, so how were they the Super 8? She was thinking of the kids clubs we used to read when I was a kid--like Secret Seven and Famous Five :).
_
We've been putting off seeing it because of the Lupus-suspicion related anguish and Big A's even weirder hours. And as we walked into the movie theater, Li'l A said--I look at that poster for Super 8 and I have no idea what it's going to be about.
I should have taken that opportunity to give my mom a heads up, because she told me later that she kept counting and recounting the kids and kept coming up with just six, so how were they the Super 8? She was thinking of the kids clubs we used to read when I was a kid--like Secret Seven and Famous Five :).
_
Friday, July 01, 2011
With Caveats
After calling the derm for results repeatedly and being told that the results weren't in, computer was down, no one was available to read the results, we'll call you back (but no one called). After suspecting the worst, I finally received a call back. The nurse's assistant (nearly everyone had broken early for the long weekend) starts out by asking me how I'm doing. (How do you think?) And after talking to me about the weather, the upcoming weekend, apologizing for not calling sooner, says she went over it with a colleague to be sure, but it looks like the bloodwork appears to be in the normal range. So now we await biopsies.
Relief. Uncertainity. Not sure if we deserve this reprieve.
Knowing that if the biopsies come back clean, I'll be looking at shorter hair, and grandparents, husband, and eleven-year-old with shaven heads, and a life without chocolate.But it will be worth it to have a child with a host of other persnickety ailments that completely swallow our health services to the point where my dental work has been postponed for two years, but hey--perhaps not eating chocolate will resolve that.
_
Relief. Uncertainity. Not sure if we deserve this reprieve.
Knowing that if the biopsies come back clean, I'll be looking at shorter hair, and grandparents, husband, and eleven-year-old with shaven heads, and a life without chocolate.But it will be worth it to have a child with a host of other persnickety ailments that completely swallow our health services to the point where my dental work has been postponed for two years, but hey--perhaps not eating chocolate will resolve that.
_
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dream politics
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