Valentines: Still nice!

Yesterday Li’l A and I made chocolate and almond V-Day cookies. They looked perfectly heart-shaped pre baking… and came out quite round. Li’l A says, “Well circles are hugs aren’t they? Like XOXO? That’s still nice!” That ought to be our theme.

This year, Big A and I have put ourselves through some super stressors--new baby! trying to sell our house on the crappy market! our first grown-up job searches! less income because I’m not modeling—so yes, some of them are super *sweet* stressors, but… nevertheless… yet… I think that’s why this year we’re almost acknowledging (celebrating is going too far) Valentine’s Day for the first time ever—because these last couple of months have been quite difficult—and pedestrian, trumped-up fest or not, a day for love sounds—nice.

If you're reading this, i'd like you to know that i send you love and wish you much joyous love.
(Now forward this post to 15 friends if you want to meet your true love today... Just kidding!! :)

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QUALIFIED

Thunder seizes
fist to throat.
Falling leaves,
tapping fingers
street noises, rain--
all remind me of tears,
our pain--and that
only you get me.
Only you can get me
so crazy with anger
so hungry for peace.

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Smells like fish, tastes like salvation

I have a cold. What kept me going today (other than my family calling me, “snotface,” and making me beam, shiny nose and all) was bowlfuls of “Robust Winter Fish Stew.”

It’s a recipe that I saw in The Whole Foods Bible, although typically for me, the recipe provided an improvisational entry point rather than a inflexible plan of action. I added julienned ginger, slivered garlic, snips of fresh tarragon and oregano, plus hearty red potatoes to the called-for crushed tomato base with onions and cannellini. I used freshwater fish, but in retrospect should have used something fattier and brinier--salmon may be.

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Duper

Tonight (Super Tuesday), at the risk of being instantaneously divorced, I timidly admitted to Big A that despite the biblical imagery and craptacular agenda, I found Mike Huckabee “very likeable.” This was the very first time I actually *saw* him speak. I’ve read about him and continue to disagree with many of his opinions--but there it is: I saw him; he looked human; ergo, I like him. To me, he seems like an underdog, a reasonable person, resembles my friend Kevin, has a charming cheekbone dimple. Of course I don’t want Huckabee to be the next U.S. president--but some mushy part of my brain roots for him anyway.

I think of this inability to dislike as a key failure--it interferes with my aesthetic as well as ethical judgment. And then… then I let people who depend on my judgment--for their next read, for their safety, for the integrity of their next deadline--I let them down... Because I am incapable of vetting people correctly. Because the philosophy geek in me can argue either side of every problem, but my decisions bend to emotion.

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FAITH

A priest
builds
my release

and my prison--
a promise
of skin.

My body
saves its
sad audits

for arguments,
tongues duel
dissent.

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JUST

They know this place
pale and high
as three-four moons

Fingers punctuate
words graze
gaze speaks

Toes feral
curl
to climb

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DECISIONS, DECISIONS

When points tumble,
the world goes flat,
reach over the edge,
flip me back

Mirror mouth me kisses
still you can’t tell me, me
The answers are after all
Yes/no; A/B; may be.

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