chatter

the length of our conversation tells in years 
origins of jokes, quarrels, and empathy

reflecting back, blinking back

the image of us making our way into a future

it's a test--and if you ask me, of course 

I'll tell--I'll tell you everything

-------------------------------------------

A day remarkable for the amount of work and the number of things I got off the pending to-do lists. 

It was also the day of our Ganesha Search. I had to work on Ganesh Chaturthi, which was last week, so today the kids and I did the annual tour of all the Ganeshas in the house (several in each room) to clean and decorate with kumkum and kalanchoe. The kalanchoe isn't traditional, but fit some of the tiny Ganeshas perfectly. 

Also a day when we had some tough conversations with two different roofers--none of our work-arounds will actually... work and it's going to cost many times what we'd anticipated or saved for. UGH.  

And then a spectacular late-afternoon breakdown when Big A used the "D word" and the "C word" to describe and discuss Scout's sudden hobbling slowness and lethargy. The kids asked tentatively over dinner what it had been about and were naturally very dispirited... so Big A began clowning. 

Pic: Radiology Gardens from this weekend. I love their reflection pool.

blooper shot

I was going to post pictures of our party for JG's and MB's retirement, but I didn't ask everyone's permission. So instead, here's a screen grab of me gazing up adoringly at KB that I found hilarious. I've always said my decision to come here was in part because of KB--she wasn't on my search committee, but she had been tasked to have lunch with the candidate (me). I feel like I'm in an old timey teen movie when I'm with KB--like an extra in a John Hughes film on the verge of a manageable adventure. 

Anyway the party went great! I got all the things done thanks to Nu who was an amazing sous chef and decorator and Big A who DJ-ed and moved furniture and took photos and At who helped with the fancy candle and got singed but still went on to do bug control.  

JG and MB loved everything and I'm so glad I got to do this for them. And thanks to them, I kind of feel ready to have more intimate gatherings again. 

I hope.

sonnet on a commute

the road is a ribbon feeding on itself 

a dream snake

the car is an empty room but for me

the sun glares back 

sultry beyond windows and stealthy  

in the soupy day

I'm wondering if radios will play on 

at the end of the world

as I watch my future burning like fuel 

past lonely road kill

the road keeps coming, a stream of poison

being sucked out of me

my family knows my day from my absence

I pick up the distance and go 

I've framed summer

 

farewell summer 2021

This summer had teeth like mosquitoes 
flush with hail and all-day rain

I wave goodbye to this 

all summer long, the heavy air settled

into my narrow body, caught me 

out of breath every time 

a decrescendo of repeat, mute, rewind

until my mind is white noise

my heart half silence

and my hands sail safely to my sides

opening, undone--bones plummet

in percussive emphasis

another day

why am I here bitten, forgotten 

arraigning a legacy of crazy

with remembrances

where my body and yours are

flattened by blank screens

and seen everywhere

why am I here, I wish you 

well, wish you could

just tell me

what will I not hear, this time--

more problems, every time--

no problem

I say--but there were always 

problems and prizes--

with surprises

I spy

 

sibling rivalry

the opposite of down is really long

remind me to take a step back
take in the silver habit 
of a grey day

pacing love and dissent, weaving
every day the excitement 

of reunion  

days we laughed, we sometimes

wept--from stories we heard

around radios

life feels so small it's basically 

one tunnel--just one that 

runs forever

Pic and notes: Early morning walk with Big A, Huck, and Scout. Grey day--busy all the way through and no good news at home (roofer canceled, Covid rises) or abroad. We were almost devoured by mosquitoes. 

overhearing

reaching in the way of breath
souls out as though flying

starting as newness does

language bends us to light
tethered to our affections
pointed as our engines 

it's crowded in the big sky,

friends--we have: planes, 

birds, satellites, choices

when it's so hard to listen 

what shall we do, indeed

for our use... for our ease

Pic: Late summer garden

everyone is celebrated

 

It's the 23rd and Big A's Boss Day. 

As a bonus, we're also celebrating Scout and Huck's Boss Day today (theirs is on the 18th but the rest of us were traveling this month). 

But wait there's more! It's also back to school celebration time for At and Nu (actually just Nu, but it felt weird not to celebrate At too).  

I guess I like celebrating this little family of mine.

<< I made Nu and At little gift bags with some school essentials, fun reading, and a fresh plant to care for.

an answer

so what if scars seam 

my body, it holds 
together

wherever I feel untaught 

I risk transparence

today

you should know how 

defiance clears
my throat

why I quiet in the face

of an ongoing

spectacle

so well trained, when

blossoms happen,

I'm reborn

Pic: Phlox!

walking the walk

I've been walking with the kids fairly regularly--pictured here are three of four. 

The human kids frequently "take turns" walking with me. Not in an eager way--but more like one is busy today so could the other step in, etc. 

For some reason, it sort of makes me happy because it makes me imagine that when I'm elderly and need their care they'll negotiate a mutually compassionate and equitable way to make that work too.

The puppy kids are, naturally, happy to walk any time.

calibrations

 

I suppose, I suppose

it wasn't you who called me 
from the bottom of the stairs
it was my prayer

my god O my god

I cannot find my way home

as crows fly / as fish swim 

I might disappear 

here while learning

how to gerrymander choice

hung up on nomadic words 

whispering diaspora

Pic: At has been coordinating canvassing for the socialist candidates. I left him a note as the primaries were today...

unrelated

• I haven't left the hotel in 48 hours.
• I haven't had as many moments of panic as I typically have at home!!!
• I have slept well--at least six hours every night!!!
• Perhaps related, I've have had half a glass of wine with dinner/reception both nights.
• (I should probably keep ^ in mind before I make plans to run away from family and home.)
• And YAY, I get to go home tomorrow!!!!!!

an ordinary happy

why not stay awake           

watch                                

today's felt blog post         

become                              

just yesterday's ghost        

to a moment, wonderful

right now

becoming extraordinary 

as memory

as witness, totem, story

-----------------------

Pic: Nu and At playing Super Smash Brothers, a game they acquired the weekend Big A and I were away in Seattle. They had so much fun pretending they were going to invite someone called "Smash" over to the house while I was gone, and I had so much fun pretending to be horrified by the idea. It was only later that I discovered that they didn't know I was pretending. "How did you even know it was a game?"--they asked. I don't know.

buddies

 

Spotlight on Huckleberry Amulya

(a.k.a Toyface and "mallalam" expert)

three in a row

Scout, Huck, and I hosted bookclub while Big A, At, and Nu did their own thing. I'd planned to have a garden party, but rain was in the forecast and mosquitoes were out in force, so I moved it indoors. And just like that we had our first indoors party since the pandemic started.

Here, Huck, Scout, and I (L to R) are spooning in blissed-out collapse after dinner.

[Pic by Nu, reflected in the glass door.]

"look for the helpers"

 I had so much help yesterday:

from the scummy

Nu skimming off pond scum

to the yummy 

At making a strawberry, arugula, feta salad

Jig

Seaplane back to Seattle today.

I got to play copilot too.

Play copilot--I didn't actually touch any of the controls... 

I guess that had a lot to do with how I made it to Seattle, then to Detroit, and finally home today.

Meanwhile

Another day of catching up on the last year with fam, and so many I hadn't seen in years. S Auntie and I always end up reminiscing about when she babysat us and I always remember the pencil eraser she had that was shaped like a bulldog. 

Meanwhile back at home, Nu loved the Boss Day presents I packed for them before we left.