Antioch School nursery mates just nine years ago... on the cusp of various high schools now. Nu and the other kids loved their ambles across Art on the Lawn and Glen Helen. Us mamas sprawled out on the lawn with cold drinks sharing how we had felt "lifted up" by each other for years. And... RK remembers me every time she cuts watermelon into wedges 🤗.
Saturday, August 14, 2021
Wednesday, August 11, 2021
Tuesday, August 10, 2021
a time of discernment
Nu is figuring out being 13, their gender, and responsibilities and anxieties around high school...
At is experiencing post-graduation life and making meaning of his impromptu gap year...
Big A is dealing with a change of employer and the potential loss/depletion of research funds...
I appear to be panicking at will and slipping into periods of sadness routinely... None of it is inexplicable--if I think about it I can pull up tons of reasons why I should be sad. But it's not particularly discerning or meaningful.
Anyway, something that brought me a momentary chuckle today: I'd switched Siri to "Indian voice" recently. And good thing I did too. When I turned the phone's flashlight on by accident today, I was both faraway and flustered and slipped into Indian/British mode, asking Siri to turn off "the torch." And... it was done even before I stammered out "I mean flashlight." Nice discernment, Indian voice Siri.
Pic: Waterlilies at MSU Horticultural Gardens.
Friday, August 06, 2021
walking the walk
I've been walking with the kids fairly regularly--pictured here are three of four.
The human kids frequently "take turns" walking with me. Not in an eager way--but more like one is busy today so could the other step in, etc.
For some reason, it sort of makes me happy because it makes me imagine that when I'm elderly and need their care they'll negotiate a mutually compassionate and equitable way to make that work too.
The puppy kids are, naturally, happy to walk any time.
Wednesday, August 04, 2021
movie heavy
The songs made At remember dancing in the kitchen in New Jersey 🥰. There's a fair bit of queer baiting in it and the kids picked up on that right away 🥰🥰. Big A and At drifted away after an hour, but Nu watched the movie all the way to the end with me 🥰.
I love Arthurian re-visions and The Green Knight delivers sumptuously. Also, it's an era frequently coopted by white supremacists and their narratives, so Dev Patel as Gawain was so satisfying. And I guess it's about maternal machinations, so very apropos for me to see it with At. Ha.
Tuesday, August 03, 2021
calibrations
from the bottom of the stairs
it was my prayer
Friday, July 30, 2021
today in vignettes
An early morning walk with L after SO MANY days. Between her travels and mine, it's been way too long. The Radiology Gardens (where I snapped this pic) had a fundraiser, and we bought a giant planter of coleus each and lugged it around with us.
At took me to the car dealership earlier in the morning to drop Bluey off for a two-year service. When the check-in person asked if I needed a loaner or a ride back home, I felt so proud telling them that I "brought my son." The son in question was amused that when he stopped to get gas, I hopped out to help him, but was so lost around all the slots and buttons after two years of plugging in Bluey.
A boozy cousin B called as we were getting dinner on the table. A bunch of cousins are getting together at his new beachhouse in Pondicherry and he MISSED me. I've been seeing pics on cousin chat since, and everyone is talking about a big reunion in December. Today I'm pretending (even to myself) that this might actually happen.
And today is officially the day Nu picked their new name. We had tried a name that started with "N' for a while. But then one day as I was getting dressed, I saw Big A's money clip with his initials, and the thought that At would be able to use it one day slipped into my mind... I wanted that for Nu too. Nu's new name begins with "A" too, so they'll still be the "Baby A" who debuted here in 2007. And even better, it kind of starts the same way as their old name, so I can course correct before I reach the end and avoid slip-ups.
Thursday, July 29, 2021
our mother would hate this poem
parents' fight from decades ago
when they were fighting always
and always passive-aggressively
my father sounding patient
my mother sounding smart
neither of them listening to each other...
from our room: my sister and I listened,
grading them--not on how right or wrong
they were, but how not mean they were.
our mother lost our ratings
for our father lost the fights
afterwards, he wouldn't talk to her for days...
every time she happened to be in the room,
he'd be whistling or humming something
to show how he didn't care and didn't hurt--
like at all--not even a little bit
Tuesday, July 27, 2021
unrelated
- I haven't left the hotel in 48 hours.
- I haven't had as many moments of panic as I typically have at home!!!
- I have slept well--at least six hours every night!!!
- Perhaps related, I've have had half a glass of wine with dinner/reception both nights.
- (I should probably keep ^ in mind before I make plans to run away from family and home.)
- And YAY, I get to go home tomorrow!!!!!!
Friday, July 23, 2021
an ordinary happy
Tuesday, July 20, 2021
Monday, July 19, 2021
beyond
Friday, July 16, 2021
three in a row
Scout, Huck, and I hosted bookclub while Big A, At, and Nu did their own thing. I'd planned to have a garden party, but rain was in the forecast and mosquitoes were out in force, so I moved it indoors. And just like that we had our first indoors party since the pandemic started.
Here, Huck, Scout, and I (L to R) are spooning in blissed-out collapse after dinner.
[Pic by Nu, reflected in the glass door.]
Thursday, July 15, 2021
"look for the helpers"
I had so much help yesterday:
from the scummy
Nu skimming off pond scum
At making a strawberry, arugula, feta salad
Monday, July 12, 2021
island times
Sunday, July 11, 2021
Meanwhile
Another day of catching up on the last year with fam, and so many I hadn't seen in years. S Auntie and I always end up reminiscing about when she babysat us and I always remember the pencil eraser she had that was shaped like a bulldog.
Meanwhile back at home, Nu loved the Boss Day presents I packed for them before we left.
Saturday, July 10, 2021
Loveliness
It has been magical. This gathering of happy faces and hugs... congratulations, commiserations, reminiscences, and sweet sillinesses. Turned out, seeing A+M getting married was the cure to my pandemic year.
Friday, July 09, 2021
Travel
I guess this is really happening and we're headed for A+M's wedding in Seattle after all. Big A was going to do whatever I wanted to... which made me feel even more pressure to vet every tiny detail and decision.
But here we are, about to take off, it's beautiful, and... I'm so excited.
Wednesday, July 07, 2021
Monday, July 05, 2021
standing in beauty
I saw the most amazing early morning skies over the Maple River as I headed to work today, and had a feeling it would be the harbinger of a ...
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Friends and old neighbors shutting it down in honor of John Crawford. _
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I have the feeling that I’m going to succumb to the season and put out a list of resolutions soon. Just wanted to establish this heads up th...
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At had us pose for this pic up at Aunt R's place on Lake Huron so he could put it up in his dorm. "Don't tur...