Thursday, June 30, 2011

Still in Shock

And feeling like things make sense. Li'l A's biological father died of ALS, which is another unpreventable, incurable disease, so this feels a bit like ugly deja vu.Like resilience is futile.

There's a constant argument on in my head. Is it? No it isn't. But if it were, it could explain the grades--poor baby. How am I going to motivate a child if the doctor gives him what amounts to a death sentence. Elzabeth Edwards's wisdom about how all of us are dying. I could be dead tomorrow driving home from work.

(I almost killed the entire family on the way back from the doctor's. At least three times. My mom riding shotgun didn't notice. But dad in the back with the kids, totally noticed and didn't say anything till we got home. I also forgot to turn off the engine when we stopped at Compunet to get the bloodwork done. And I was a total harridan to the cheery, perky, young person who tried and repeatedly failed to find a place to prick him.)

Completely blown away by how supportive people I don't know very well have been. Even people whose judgement I don't trust on most issues suddenly appeared to be full of compassion and wisdom. Except for the jerk who said the good news would be that Li'l A appeared to be skinny. Which (a) Since when is skinny--skin and bone-- a positive thing? (b) Fuck you. (c) Do you not know that Indian moms never think their kids can be chubby enough?


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