talky-talk

A day for visitors! 

L and I took a long summery walk in the morning and then L disappeared for a while and showed up bearing this month's bookclub book and a ton of cut lilacs from her garden. The whole downstairs smells so heady.

LV stopped by later for tea and treats and we just jabbered away through tons of stuff and pizza delivery and he helped me break up Max's excited and immediate friendship with the pizza man + desire to explore his van. LV didn't leave until the imminent arrival of my C U N(ext)T(uesday) club, where he rightly felt he would be out of place. 

Big A and Nu crept in during the short time no one was around to sneak some pizza for dinner before doing their own thing (nap before work, swim with friends).

It was supposed to be pizza and movie night, but the girlfriends did not pick a movie and we just talked for hours instead. We're going to do the celebrations everyone feels they missed out on--BL didn't get a bachelorette party during the pandemic, for instance.

Everyone agreed that I need a third puppy, so I either have the best friends or they're all enablers. I got to confess in a safe and supportive space that the other day I thought Nu was kissing me goodnight, but they were actually kissing me goodbye, and I didn't realize until the morning that they had not spent the night at home. I did not know where my kid was at 10 pm or any point after. Yikes.

Pic: Peonies from my walk with L this morning. What even are these colors?! I love summer.

ceremony (and the start of summer)

I guess I'm still not American enough. Why don't they hold graduation in their own auditorium, I wondered. The high school auditorium is pretty huge, but not Big-Ten university basketball stadium huge, which apparently is the size you'd need to accommodate Nu's graduating class and and their families.

(Incidentally, "accommodate" is a word Magic Johnson, once a player at this very stadium, used very inventively. As in: "I did my best to accommodate as many women as I could." They have his name up there and it reminded me.) 

Anyway, it was a full day--breakfast with one set of grandparents, lunch with another, then off to pick up people for the ceremony, and back at our place for dinner... Nu is currently away celebrating with friends.

I can't wait to get into my summer routine. Tomorrow we have an all-day department workshop. So perhaps I can start from this weekend, which conveniently happens to be the beginning of June? Yay!

Pic: Watching as the students throw their caps into the air. How much hope for the future is gathered in this one place! I clapped for each and every graduate and am so happy and hopeful for all of them.  I wish admin could have found a way to spend a moment to honor the senior student who died last year. 

"Grad U Ate"

Nu's grad party!

It was going to be outside, but then it looked like rain, so we moved everything indoors. The house was full of people who've known Nu since they were a baby/toddler and it wasn't just me getting emotional about this celebration.

Nu who'd consented to this party just to make me happy admitted at the end of the evening that they'd enjoyed being made a fuss of... !!! YAY.

I set out my kumkum bharani for people to place a vermillion blessing on Nu's forehead before they left. And my favorite thing about my multi-ethnic community is how each person made this Hindu tradition their own. While some people placed a dot (bindi/bottu), some drew a cross, or a crescent, and even... a smiley face!

Pic: Nu making a silly face because I asked for a pose. Behind them, their cake that says, "Grad U Ate." (I learned what the kids were saying and the pun wrote itself!)

this is about everything

the world is different after rain 
its marrows open, singing, astonished

outlined in reflections and wet mirages

I mark myself in nothing now 

in the endless movement of trembling

meeting no resistance, passing through

only freckled with the dailiness 

of living and knowing we can wake up

like flowers opening their bright mouths

_________________

Pic: At and Nu surprised me with a M.U.M. (MakeUp Mother's Day) today. Their card was an "In Sympathy" card for being their mom. They think they're so ironic and funny. [eyeroll] After they finished laughing at their joke, we had a wonderful time raiding my closet for wedding attire to wear this weekend and picking out jewelry--with my kids clowning all the while. Then a leisurely lunch of sesame noodles (I'd already made that for dinner, I didn't know we were celebrating today) while watching Laapataa Ladies, until it was time to head off to various meetings and appointments. It was too rainy to do our usual Mother's Day gardening, but I get three days of travel with these loves later this week, so I'm sure there'll be plenty of opportunities to maximize our time. 

catching up

Wow, did I really not expect to come back? The (human) kids and I are supposed to head to my Cousin K's wedding reception in NJ later this week. On the long ride back home from the airport, I realized that Big A had booked our plane tickets, but the wedding hotel was booked up when he'd tried to book us a room, and so I was going to call them the next morning and do it myself and then absolutely did not do that! Last night I realized that if we were going to go, we were going to have to be very lucky with hotel reservations. 

This morning, there were some rooms at a hotel nearby, so we're all set. 

Also, I didn't set up plans with NJ/NY people for the day after the reception, which looks free. 

And... I didn't finish inviting people to Nu's grad party next week. I should get on that too.

Today was just lovely. So much time with Max, Huck, and Nu (who conveniently had senior skip day). Then I watered the zillion plants. Most of them made it without me or water for two weeks! Some dry leaves, but nothing a few good soaks won't make up for. Only the the bleeding hearts and some herbs, gave up. Sounds like I'm throwing old-fashioned insults, but those are the literal plants that didn't make it. 

A long, lingering dinner catching up on all the little details of the past two weeks was balm for my soul. Also yummy--we combined, polished up, and then polished off two Thai dishes Big A had experimented with over the weekend.

Pic: Things abloom in London. I haven't taken a single photo since I got home.

the last supper

There are thirteen of us at the table. But just our awesome, regular selves. (No Jesuses or Judases.)

Headed for home come morning! At least half the class has journaled about not being ready to head home. Not me though.

I was both right to be worried about the tornado yesterday, and judging from the photos of the devastation I've been seeing, I wasn't nearly worried enough! I did tell Big A that I thought he should call in back-up and go home to check on the kids, but he talked me down. And I quote: "It’s inconceivable that our house alone was hit by a tornado without damage to any other structures. Meaning if Nu was under rubble EMS would already be on our street." And later, "I have multiple sick patients right now and multiple procedures….I can’t leave anytime soon regardless." Plenty of room for a fight, but I'm just glad everyone is alright.

Pic: A lucky restaurant find--a "food hall" with a variety of cuisines. So perfectly in keeping with our "cosmopolitan" theme.

"Boo, you 'ho"

I think I'm sick. 

Of course, the correct response to that (on our family chat anyway) would be "Boo, you 'ho" (without the hard "r"). 

It could be the pollen merrily floating around. I've dosed myself liberally with Lemsip and am currently loopier than ever.

Pic: Our picnic at Hyde Park today. People declaiming from set Hyde Park pieces (Orwell, Shaw, Marx, C.L.R. James, William Morris) or topics they're passionate about (The Globe's R&J, Bram Stoker's Dracula, guns in general.)

tea and ceasefire

Pic: A proper afternoon tea at The Orangery in Kensington Palace. Our day of indulgence!

And a good day to revisit the wonder of how the world has only two words for tea: Tea if by Sea, Cha if by Land.

Back home in Michigan, the morels are up. I want to tell Summer to hold back until I get back.

Feeling a bit lighter as we're are halfway through our trip and the countdown to home is ON.

And when I called my mom for Mother's Day, I heard India and Pak have a ceasefire! I'm so relieved!!

all the things

I managed to do all the things today:

I'm mostly packed (carry-on only for two weeks).

Took Nu to see Sinners again per request. (My THIRD time.)

Watered my zillion plants and asked them to stay happy and healthy until I return, please!

Decorated for At's birthday, got the cake photo-ready, and packed her presents. 

At is 26!!! Celebrated with At, dropped presents off at her place and then went to dinner with At and friends.

Booked it early to go to the CASA gala. (I couldn't let them down...)

Came home and realized that I'd left the student health info and travel health insurance docs in my office AT WORK, so I  made a two-hour trip to retrieve them in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. This is the part I didn't plan for and could have done without. 

Now I'm checked-in and waiting for Big A to drop me off at the airport when he wakes up.

Pic: FB reminded me that 15 years ago we hired a party bus to take At and a bunch of friends, cousins, and grandparents to a Dave and Busters to celebrate turning 11. (At and Nu corner right. How cute, chubby, and kind of portable! And Big A just beyond them... his hair!)

three moms and three mommy dilemmas

Yesterday, I joined EM, EM's mom, and EM's mom's best friend at dinner to celebrate EM's mom's birthday. I loved hearing all the stories about Baby EM as much her mom loved telling them. (And also, I loved telling Big A that she told me to tell him that he was a very lucky guy.)

Today, I had a long tea with JG and she got kind of bashful at the end of our visit and then offered me some of her mom's jewelry, because she's always said that her mom (who passed away thirty years ago and I never got to meet) would have loved me. From everything I hear, the feeling's mutual. I was nearly moved to tears by the honor and and have picked out two pieces that I will treasure.

And this evening, in unexpectedly terrific news, my mom called to say she might make it to Nu's graduation party!

The thing is... I've been keeping a secret from her that I should probably disclose to her before she gets here. The secret's not wholly mine, but it's my mom, so I'm going to have to step up. That's dilemma #1. 

Friday is At's birthday. I was planning to do family dinner with At and then hurry to a fancy dinner I RSVPed "yes" to because I was nominated for a CASA award. (This is what the fam encouraged me to do, and they were going to accompany me too.) From the detailed itinerary I was sent this afternoon, however, it looks like I did NOT win the award. Would I be a dick if I changed my RSVP now? This is dilemma #2.

And finally, I will be far away from my kids on Mother's Day as I'm scheduled to be in the U.K with my travel Spring Term. Should we celebrate long distance, or arrange a M.U.M. Day (Make Up Mother's Day) as we did last year?

Pic: I love dandelions. Lately, I've been torturing myself with thoughts about having let Scout play in a nearby park with no dandelions, which means the place may have been sprayed with toxic chemicals, which means he may have ingested some, which means that may have caused his tumor, which means Scout would be alive if I had been a bit smarter. 

bloggy goddess goodness

A lovely afternoon with Lisa and Jeanie!

Lisa and I walked to Daffodil Hill, through a bit of Baker Woods, the Children's Garden, and the Horticultural Gardens and met up with Jeanie at The Broad Art Museum... which was inconveniently closed today. We meandered through Beal Gardens and the Riverwalk back to dinner.

I thought I'd leave Lisa and Jeanie alone to get some one-on-one time (they've known each other for over fifteen years!) to sprint ahead and get dinner started. But when I picked up the mail and turned the corner into the driveway, I saw them sitting on the porch! 

Meeting friends you've made online is such an affirming experience--there's such a wealth of already shared experience and so much to talk about. We had a lively dinner with the family--talking about books and movies and what we haven't read, Max and Huck eating sorbet off a spoon under the table. Goodbye came too soon.

Afterwards, At wanted to go see Sinners, so the fam headed to the movies. I closed my eyes through some of the more gory parts and may have accidentally (and characteristically) fallen asleep. The music and score were tremendous. (I love Ryan Coogler's work in Black Panther. We actually bought Fruitvale Station, but I haven't yet been able to steel myself to actually watch it.)

Pic: Jeanie, Lisa, me (and behind us Zaha Hadid's amazing construction for The Broad). 

hopping over to happy

So many friends didn't make it to the protests yesterday, but they still seem to have been well attended overall. I know I needed a break. I needed a break last week. (And did take one.) And NGL, I was relieved I had a good excuse in commencement this weekend. 

I'm usually such a news hound and love following the way a story breaks and builds. But right now, the screwy sophistry of our times would make that (probably literally) maddening. I mean... have you seen the executive Easter message? 

Quick! Pivot! Focus on joyful things! 

I am IN LOVE with this song and its whole dreamlike vibe. I'm seeing Kendrick and SZA in Detroit in June and that feels like a dream too.

And I sent out the invites for Nu's graduation party (with Nu's approval). The date's right in the middle of the week, because that's when Big A is off and my MIL will be here, but I know my friends got me. I so wish my parents and sister and aunts and uncles AND COUSINS could be here too...

Pic: Easter brunch. I never take table pix when guests are here because it feels impolite, but it was just us today. If you squint, you can see a  field of flowers instead of my eggy brunch bake :) next to the chicks and flowers the kids and I always make from boiled eggs for Easter. (The chocolate easter egg cake isn't me, it's from the talented bakers at Costco.)

comfortably numb

I got my Taco Bell. And I did the damned thing. I got the surgery under the local anesthetic. I could still feel pressure and pulling and tugging, but it didn't actually hurt and it was over in under half an hour.

I'm comfortably numb and really grateful for anesthesia.

Yesterday's freakout reminded me of when I went to have my wisdom teeth removed twenty years ago. The new and very kind dentist went over the procedure and the probably standard spiel of complications like nerve damage, bruising, etc...  I started crying. I still have all my wisdom teeth. I still wonder if I traumatized that young dentist. 

If I'm navel-gazing, I think it's not so much the needles and pain I'm afraid of (although that too) as much as all the talk of what could go wrong, because I will imagine every detail and I will imagine it happening.

Anyway, I plan to be on campus tomorrow, so time to prep or rest or read... Grateful for pep talks from the fam and friends today. Grateful for fam and friends. 

Pic: Forsythia in full bloom on the banks of the Red Cedar.

brain laundry

I came across the idea of "brain laundry" where you sort your light and dark thoughts. Here are some topics from today sorted by ":)" and ":/".

1. Conferences:

:) Successfully submitted two proposals--one by myself + one with E.M. And I started work on a chapter proposal which isn't due until May.  

:/ Both conference proposals are fairly slapdash. Also, I wanted to submit one with Big A to jumpstart our stalled writing project, but we just didn't get around to it. 

2. Surgery

:) I'm supposed to get surgery tomorrow to get a cyst taken care of. Finally! I've been putting it off for a very long time. It's a minor procedure under local anesthesia and I've been promised Taco Bell. Yay.

:/ When the nurse went through post-surgery wound care, I got majorly freaked out. I called Big A and he talked me down, but I might still bail tomorrow. 

3. Charity

:) I'm lucky that my family is so supportive of giving in general and fairly mindful of my rules like not spending because we're saving to give to X, etc. Then there are unbudgeted things like GoFundMes and grocery add ons. A good percentage of the weekly grocery run is things I sock away for free pantries and people asking for stuff. Big A's family was on food stamps when his divorced mom was putting herself through school for teacher education, so he never begrudges the extra expense...

:/ But, he does NOT like it when I deliver stuff, because he's convinced it's dangerous.  Although sometimes like today there is no alternative (someone needed a birthday cake for their kid and did not have a car). He likes to tell me I'm going to get trapped in a basement... because he knows how much that terrifies me. This led to a fight. 

4. (Pic:) Gardening: 

:) The box of perennials I brought home from the plant sale this Saturday on the floor of the tea garden. Bleeding Hearts, Gauras, Hellebores, and Geraniums. I'm going to plant them inside for a few weeks until it's frost-safe outside.

:/ I feel so bad when I catch myself wishing the Poinsettias, which have cheerfully been going strong since before Christmas, would die. Poor things--I should just move them somewhere where I don't have to see them all the time. 

Happy New Year!!

Yes, really! I said what I said.

It's Tamil New Year and Asian solar new year through much of the planet today. I am grateful for this reset, I am thankful for the pause. I heard from people I haven't heard in a while, I celebrated with family and friends, I made an Indian feast, I had a pooja.

Democracy is breaking down in the White House and various other things are breaking down in my house, but I'm reassured by Harvard University's resolve not to "surrender its independence or relinquish its constitutional rights" and even more heartened by the 80-something way less affluent colleges and universities that signed an amicus brief opposed to threats against people for lawful speech. Among these, I was charmed to see good old Antioch in Yellow Springs (always on the right side of history!) and other places I've adjuncted including The University of Dayton and Michigan State University.

Pic: I stopped at Lake Lansing Park for a short walk and a few minutes of meditation in the midst of the lapping water on this beautiful day.

a checklist for the seasons: speech & passage, change & endurance

 the diagnosis is that its only nostalgia

the prescription is just talk

so I try twice a day to mimic my elders

misinterpreting decades

to all these openly yawning windows  

and wait patiently

as words fall into them... no one gets hurt

while beating time

although I thought of money as paperwork

all these years, I find

they're artificial leaves falling sullenly

no matter the season

so there's no need to hold me or name me 

I write to you against all odds

and wonder how we don't cry all the time

sometimes, I am so proud of us

-----------------------------

Pic: StephLove asked what the Muppets-themed seder was like. There was an enactment of the Passover story in one of the M's currently empty raised gardening beds with puppets. It featured Kermit as Moses, a Pirate as the Pharaoh and children had paper bags to throw locusts, lice, and pestilence when their cues came up. It was an inspired production and so much fun! And the weather was just perfect for all of it. 

six for Saturday (making me smile)

1) L and I decided to go to the plant sale but didn't want the hassle of finding parking, so we walked over to the horticultural center and brought home our perennials on the sled L resourcefully brought with her. We must have looked like very eccentric ladies.

2) It was fun to see a bunch of MSU skaters practicing jumping amidst chatter and laughter and... using an MSU police barricade for practice.

3) Yesterday the pedicurist asked if At and I were sisters and today At remembered that people have been asking if we were siblings since At was about five years old. Back then, it used to make me feel bad because it felt like people were saying I wasn't a grownup. But now, I feel compassion for the ingenuous and overworked single mom I was.

4) Nu, who wouldn't even let me throw them a 16th birthday party bash, gave me permission to throw them a graduation party. I feel a bit guilty, because I think they're doing it to just make me happy, but L says doing stuff for others is a sign of maturity and I should give Nu that chance. Ha.

5) Today's Passover Seder at the M's was Muppets-themed. Nu wanted to go when the invitation first arrived, but ditched this morning. Big A who didn't want to go from the beginning kept making up silly, complicated reasons why (one of them was that Miss Piggy might be there and that would be problematic because of the prohibition against swine--eyeroll). It's a good thing I'd invited EM to go with me--we had a great time.

6) Pic: One of the rooms L and I wandered into by accident at the horticultural center happened to be the butterfly house. It was bright with sunlight and blooms and I think I got a butterfly or two in this frame. 

calls and rings and tight squeezes

It's At's Boss Day. And as a lovely surprise present to me, she called to say she was coming over for a visit! (At has recently started working with UNTF on the MSU campus and happened to be nearby today.) I can't stay for dinner, she warned, but I warmed up some chocolate chip muffins and I was making a lox sandwich for Nu, so At had one too and then both Nu and At had another, and some cheese straws while I was making the second sandwich, so that, basically, became their dinner. 

At and I had gone thrifting a couple of weeks back and after we found and paid for some amazing things (a blue suede jumpsuit, a floral velvet dress) At bought some rings that were kind of ugly. So I thought I'd let At choose from some of my decidedly nicer rings as a treat today.

Nu came upstairs with us too. Not because Nu wanted any rings, but just to assure themselves that if they wanted any rings, I would give them some too. It makes me chuckle to think how in some ways, they're still the jealous little Baby Nu who would grab my face to turn it towards themselves and tell me sternly that I was "not allowed to look at other kids." 

Pic: This is a jumble, but it was an unexpected joy today to have my kids--Max and Huck are in there too--all crowded into my closet, being raucous, silly, and jokey. At was the only one with a phone in there and took this photo. It was a tight squeeze in there for so many, and there were many tight squeezy hugs before At headed back.

nice/surprise

 It's April 1st tomorrow and who knows what the day will bring--here are a few things that took me by surprise on this last day of March.

I woke up from a dream in which I marveled how in a crowd of strangers we unhesitatingly call ourselves "we." It's true, isn't it? There's something beautiful and magic about that.

I was on a walk and 30 mins from home when a neighbor called to say she'd found Max wandering around her yard and had put him in her screen porch. Obviously, I panicked and called Nu to go over and get Max. Nu went downstairs and then called to tell me Max and Huck were downstairs cuddling on the sofa. Ha. The other puppy was reunited with their family soon after.

For the first time ever, a book I put on hold at the library (Claire Lombardo's The Most Fun We've Ever Had) came in before I caved and got it myself.

Yesterday, while sheltering from the tornado, I realized that Nu and Big A had ordered an arcade Ms. Pac-Man game for the basement. I thought we were in our frugal era! I'm mad. Also that thing is going to be 5-ft tall when it's put together.

Pic: I commented to Suzanne that I planned to make sushi cups from an insta reel I'd seen. I did! I did not expect them to be as as easy as they looked or come out so well (esp. as I ad lib a fair amount). They look a bit color deficient to me as I want all five colors at every meal, but a blueberry-mango-raspberry compote completed the gap at dinner. 

Trans Day of Visibility Rally

An up and down kind of day--I guess that's the way it is when your opportunities for community and solidarity are hemmed in by the big events and policies beyond your control that makes them necessary.

Off to the Trans Day of Visibility Rally at the Capitol today with L and Nu. There were such great signs at the rally today and people were happy to be photographed with with them when I asked (I'm documenting for L's newsletter). But one parent said that their kid was nervous about being photographed, and while I completely understand, it made me quite sad.

Today's rally was designed to be celebratory and joyful, which is why I invited Nu... but I think it still felt a bit overwhelming and they needed some time over the evening to go off by themselves to decompress. They were telling me later how they had such great hopes for the country in 2020, but feel defeated now. It's a bit depressing outright miserable to hear a 17-year-old think and talk like that. At got there just as we three were leaving the capitol and met up with us later at the house for dinner. 

I'd originally planned to have a great, big gathering at our house, like we used to after the Women's Marches.  But I scaled things back as I didn't know if my scratched eye would be healed (It's 90% healed, BTW!). We ended up with a tableful of guests and just after we said goodbye to the second carful, the emergency sirens began going off for tornadoes+thunderstorms. I went out again to call our guests back to shelter in the basement (as we were about to) but only got taillights. I was glad to get the texts about where people were sheltering a few minutes later. 

Pic: I've never seen "Cistem" before, and I love it.