Thursday, August 14, 2025

Felony? Sounds like baloney

Yesterday, dear Subway Steph who lives in D.C. tipped me off that a man standing outside a Subway restaurant in D.C. was "charged with assaulting a federal agent with a sandwich."

This is so ridiculous. Are they going to pretend that a federal agent wearing a tactical vest was in danger from a sandwich? 

Isn't it extra ridiculous that they're making more noise about this than the murders of Minnesota senator Hortman and her husband who were assassinated in their home in June?

My mind kept coming up with more ridiculous responses all day:

Assault with a sandwich? Bite me.

Buddy, you're... toast.

Did you want a donut instead?

Is it a felony because it was a footlong? Would it have been a misdemeanor if it was a six-inch?

Pic: In my "Writing About Social Issues in Unprecedented Times" class earlier this evening. I'm better at photographs when I'm not the one taking them!

18 comments:

Nicole said...

Assault with a sandwich. I don't even know what to say.

StephLove said...

Have you seen the meme of the DC flag with the stripes replaced with subs?

Jenny said...

Hee hee- "would it have been a misdemeanor if it was a six-inch?" At least you still have your sense of humor! We have to find something to laugh at to keep us sane.

J said...

LOL at your sandwich jokes, all of them.

Gillian said...

Funny.

Anonymous said...

I so appreciate your sense of humor!!

And I feel like Subway is our thing now, so I immediately needed to tell you when I read the news! 🥰

-Steph

Nance said...

There is absolutely no level of absurdity that will surprise me when it comes to this administration and its supporters. It all defies logic and slays Irony on a daily basis. Next, someone will be arrested for saying, "I'm rubber and you're glue; what bounces off of me sticks to you."

Jackie said...

Hahaha can you believe that?! Your sandwich jokes are too good.

Bibliomama said...

Omg Maya, I remember seeing something about Mr. Sandwich Thrower and I meant to follow up on it and forgot -
THANK-YOU. I love your sandwich jokes.Assault with a deadly sandwich. FFS

maya said...

Cry... laugh... or respond with music--I think that's what people are doig in D.C.

maya said...

I looked it up and found one on Reddit, Steph. Thanks for tipping me off!

maya said...

Truly, Jenny.

maya said...

Aw. Don't encourage me, J!!

maya said...

Thanks.

maya said...

Steph--A sub is a gesture of caring and love! (As we know.) Maybe the agent looked hangry so the thrower was trying to be helpful ;)?

Hope you're keeping your spirits up, friend! <3 XOXOXOX

maya said...

I love this (new-to-me) gibe, Nance! I'm trying to commit to memory... (And yes, agree on everything else.)

maya said...

Aw! Thank you!!

maya said...

Allison, I hear he's been released , but FFS indeed. We're going to run the "F" key ragged in the coming years.

better not be kidding

Beckett says, "the creation of the world  did not take place once and for all time  but takes place every day." O please tell me t...