Tuesday, July 15, 2025

"in the end I want my heart to be covered in stretch marks"

While my sister spoke to me over the telephone, I spied a smudge on the kitchen counter and assiduously swiped at it clockwise and anti-clockwise with a dishcloth.

I guess I was hearing her words but hadn't yet made sense of what she'd said.

My mom is in the ICU. She may need to go on a ventilator. She may have had a heart attack. All of this still sounds unreal. She was just here two days ago, being her usual self.

Before my sister's call, I had started today's post with this: The gentle, brilliant spoken-word poet Andrea Gibson, who died yesterday, once wrote “In the end I want my heart to be covered in stretch marks.” And I too want to stretch my heart wide with love and what it means to be human and alive and brave. But I can't handle the thought of my mom struggling to breathe.

15 comments:

Sarah said...

Oh no! I am so sorry to hear this news

Anne said...

Oh, Maya. I'm so so sorry. Keeping you all in my thoughts. <3

Life of a Doctor's Wife said...

Maya, what upsetting news. I am so sorry to hear about your mom. Sending you love.

Nicole said...

I am so sorry to hear this, Maya. Sending all the love and prayers to you and your family for healing.

Nance said...

Your heart is assuredly covered in stretch marks.

I'm so very sorry to hear this news about your mother! I will keep you, her, and your family in my thoughts. Sending you all my love. XO

TR said...

Best wishes, Maya. Beautiful sentiment from the poet.

Anonymous said...

Maya, wow. What big, hard, shocking news. I am praying for your family.

-Steph

Lisa's Yarns said...

No no no no no. I am so sorry this is happening. You, your mom, and your family are in my thoughts. xoxo

J said...

Oh Maya! How scary, and goodness, you have the strechmarkiest heart I know. I hope your mom gets the care she needs and is back in fighting shape SOON. Sending lots of love your way.

Bibliomama said...

How terrible for you to have her so sick, and so far away. All the hugs for your poor beleaguered heart.

maya said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you, friends! <3 It sounds like she's pulling through this time... and if all continues well, may be out of the ICU tomorrow.

StephLove said...

Oh no! Fingers crossed for a full and speedy recovery.

Jeanie said...

Oh no, Maya. I'm just seeing this now and am shocked. But I see you have a new post up too and I am hoping against hope that this is more optimistic for her recovery. I'll be back.

Gillian said...

Take care.

NGS said...

Oh, no! That is not the news I wanted to hear! Fingers crossed that she will recover.

Wonder Women

Thank you for the well wishes. Mom is doing better. If she continues to be stable, they'll move her out of the ICU tomorrow. My seventy-...