Friday, November 20, 2020
Thursday, November 19, 2020
Please hold my head as gently
as a bomb labeled 'headache'
knowing the earth is waiting
feeding time under the loam
who is it who knocked on the door (we didn't hear)
who is it who wants to come in (we can't really see)
howling into the cusp, dreams away from disaster
learning the circuitry of sadness, the lineage of loss
For in a different world
I lost many months ago
my tongue a tombstone
fingers clawing worms
Wednesday, November 18, 2020
Tuesday, November 17, 2020
Our governor has mandated no in-person classes from tomorrow as part of our three-week "pause" anyway.
The one thing the pandemic has given me is bonus time with my first-born. And also, somehow--the time and desire to disappear into a long, hot bath.
Monday, November 16, 2020
There is history to my grief
geography too--I wear what
was done to me--uncertainty,
a sadness, the calls to flood.
Someone--carry my disbelief,
it is heavy as a civilization.
I read skies to déjà vu myself
Sunday, November 15, 2020
here's pain; here's my armor
still songs beat in my heart
return me to myself, kids.
I have become a ghost; I go;
I was gone for a generation
until tears filled my prayers
swam into years of sky.
Return me to myself, kids,
I belong to a god who has
never even once killed me
the press of axe is only ice.
When surrender lies inside me
I... will shatter--into your accents
your stories, curious superstitions.
For you, I will... love unfinished.
Saturday, November 14, 2020
I usually buy sweets at the Indian store for Diwali (or some years it has been a bar of chocolate or an assortment of fruit), but this year I watched a few Pinterest videos and made my own versions of coconut ladoo and besan ladoo. 2020 just seemed to call out for some extra effort.
We're a difficult family to make sweets for--At is sweet averse and allergic to all nutty things; Nu can eat some nuts; Scout and Huck can't eat raisins and sultanas; and Big A won't eat anything too sweet.
I added pumpkin seeds, dried apricots, and dried cranberries to the coconut ladoo and almonds and pistachios to the besan ladoo (and given that besan is chickpea flour, that one must be pretty high in protein!). In this Diwali iteration, At could theoretically eat the coconut ones, Nu will eat both, and I can safely share bites with Scout and Huck without hurting them (as I subbed out the raisins). Big A may still not like/eat them.
We've packed boxes for LB, TB, BS, and EM, and sent proud pictures to every family chat.
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