Break

A low-energy day--I didn't even get out for my afternoon walk with Big A. We did what we call a Downton (walking around our own grounds à la  Downton Abbey, haha). And then I made a clear-out-the fridge ragout for dinner as my Imperfect box arrives tomorrow.                                                                                                                                                  We're in a shameful place that all the world sees; that's true. But today I needed McSweeney's to laugh in my face at the idea of making sense. Not to pile on people sending kids to camps, but if you're up for for a self-deprecating laugh along, Carlos Greaves compares children's activities in the pandemic to reopening Jurassic Park: "Given these great stats, I think it should be pretty clear to everyone that reopening the Jurassic Park Academy for Young Paleontologists this fall is the right move. Sure, a few kids have been mauled this summer at our popular sleep-away camp, Camp Triceratops. However, a hands-on learning environment that comes with hiking throughout our vast preserve remains an invaluable experience for the kids — an experience that far outweighs the occasional mauling. Plus, keep in mind that children are far less likely to be killed by velociraptors, mostly because they are too small and bony to make for a satisfying velociraptor meal."

Pranams to Elder John Lewis

I found out late last night, but everyone was asleep...  I got some reminiscing and comforting in when Big A woke. Eighty seems too young, then I think of how young he started.

At ran out asking me if I knew while I was outside watering the plants--it was a pure "I need my mom" moment. We talked for a bit and...

Nu inherited At's copies of March.

Planning for some "Good Trouble" in the days ahead and making comfort food to share with L and T today. Rest in Peace; Rest in Power.

Anti-Capitalist Walk-Talk

It was At's turn to walk with me today, and we ended up in hammocks after 20 or so mins, because it had gotten quite hot again. Our resident socialist was discussing the cultural theorist Mark Fisher, whose chapter titles are whimsical and full of possibility: "What if you held a protest and everyone came?" "It is easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism."  But I guess I didn't know the jarring reason why Fisher's writing stopped.

And also, I'll confess--my darling boy's Jesus of the Naxalites mien charms and alarms me in almost equal measure and for different reasons.

Food (related) notes

These are the first of At's tomatoes and he has high hopes about serving them with breadcrumbs and mozzarella whenever they he happens to be ready.

I watched a few eps of the new Masterpiece/PBS orientalist fantasy Beecham House--somehow simultaneously overblown and underdone. William Dalrymple is a historical consultant on the show and it's directed by Gurindher Chadha, but despite those two it's really, really bad. I got so irritated almost immediately that the hindi dialogue gets mentioned but not translated e.g., "X speaks in Hindi"--What did he say?! How could it not matter?! Anyway, it inspired "Anglo-Indian" elements at dinner prep time--the peach chutney, ghee toast, and curry-poached cod came together from whatever we needed to use up before our Imperfect Foods box arrives tomorrow and the steamed veg was tongue-in-cheek homage to stereotypical Brit cuisine/me running out of time and imagination.

At dinner, it got us talking about trips to England (especially last year's "Cosmopolitan England" Spring term trip) and all the good meals we've eaten there (some straight out of Sainsbury's). I miss travel.

Standing

Summer--like snow before--
remakes my world into
an unknowable
loving

In the vines' arch embrace
Leaves bloom, pat me
as I pass in lashes
of love

It seems you dream of
us in the wake of
these whispers--
hearing

Voices that are right, ready:
Justice is late in coming
but protest is already
here.

"meeting"

Oh hey, look: a pic of At and me in the same frame. We're at a meeting with Senator Gary Peters' office making a case for us (the U.S.) to pay our U.N. dues and reinstate our membership in the World Health Organization.

BT made a point about how she and Peters were Alma grads and although both of them are before my time, I beamed as though I had personally handed them their diplomas.

Respite

MSU Horticultural Gardens

Some quality rambles with L and Big A today, fixing the world's problems and some of our own...

It's getting really noisy and people-y outside and I was glad to be home when it was over.

Buried myself in books all day so I didn't have to be on FB or Twitter--

Yes, I'll have to catch up and educate myself... but pretty certain it'll all still be there tomorrow.

A Long Way from Home/Normal/Ideal

 Big A is in front of the tree;
Nu and At are in the foreground...
for the kids, their first time out of the house since March!

NAACP march to the capitol today. We heard several stirring and compelling speeches; the youth speakers were especially impressive. I wish this time our momentum results in change that will support rather than punish BlPOC.

And I wish I could say it felt good after, but I came home and fell apart: I had a thunderstorm-induced headache, cried because an article had to be changed from MLA to Chicago style, and  couldn't even rouse myself to make dinner... At made grilled cheese for himself and Nu,  Nu fed Scout and Huck, Big A got some delivery, I ate a tub of colorful chips... everyone survived.

I feel like I did a A LOT of railing, crying, and whining (mostly to a very kind and listening Big A), and the kids seemed to play a lot of video games and sang a lot of "It's a long, long way to Ba Sing Se"--ostensibly to cheer me up.

Sitting Witness

Although my dad is more likely to read the sports section of a newspaper than pick up a book of poetry, his school experience of the Tamil poet Subramania Bharati would get him so fired up that he'd declaim "Thani oru manithanakku unavu illayenil intha jagaththinai azhithiduvom" frequently. So I'm no stranger to Bharati's radical outrage, the threat/aspiration to burn the whole world down if even one person is harmed. 

 I can mourn the horrific murders in the midst of this pandemic of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd and don't find myself distracted by other actions a grieving people may undertake. But in case anyone hears it, thinks it, or needs it--here is a lovely primer of "How to respond to 'riots never solve anything.'"

And please donate, if you can. Every one of us with a credit card in this family (At, Big A, I) have donated independently of each other this time.

https://payit2.com/fundraiser/98548… (@BlackVisionsMN)
https://secure.everyaction.com/zae4prEeKESHBy0MKXTIcQ2… (@reclaimtheblock)
https://unicornriot.ninja/donate/ (@UR_Ninja)
https://gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd

When I feel overwhelmed...

...At's artful trolling gives me a chuckle.

(Sometimes.)

'Tis the season to be

Our local celebrity now has a name! 

The other story that brought me a smile-tear was this Storycorps episode of a meeting between an elementary school music teacher and a cabaret performer fifty years later.

It's cruel

When your child can drag so many of your cultural heroes at the same time and loves it so much that they send you this pic on Twitter and family chat...

#JustinInBlackFace #OldSchoolKanye










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One More

L gave me these mega hydrangeas from her garden when I walked her home after dinner with us.

Another green spot to keep me going this week...















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Off-Screen

It was too painful to be around my computer today. I have tons of stuff to do, but Facebook and Twitter are so tempting and enraging...

I spent hours sweeping (meditatively, without even music) until the whole driveway was clean. In contrast to every big project I've ever undertaken, I got more meticulous as I went on...

I did manage to connect with another mom and we're planning to do a teach-in on how to educate ourselves and resist ICE overreach.



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Must Wake Up!

Dinner last night was to the breaking details of the El Paso shooting over the radio and today we're waking up to news of the Dayton shooting overnight. DAYTON. Dayton.

Checking on all my Yellow Springs people, but ten people have died, 26 are wounded--whether I personally knew them or not--there are grieving friends and family in a place I called home. Big A would have been taking care of them at Miami Valley Hospital if we still lived in YS.

Gun violence keeps getting closer. Every day feels like the beginning of a nightmare precipice...

#MSU #YesterdayThisSeemedFunny

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Bitter to Sweet

Big A lovingly linked me to that lovely Washington Post article about the horrific child labor in the chocolate industry globally, and killed my lifelong devotion to drugstore chocolate. The Cadbury's, Hershey's, Mars I grew up eating, the chocolate in my office, at home, everywhere I spent more than an hour...

It was easy to swear off those products of pain and child slavery. But none of the Fairtrade chocolate bars I began buying were to my taste. I mean I still like sweet and fat in my chocolate. I began melting down all the too-bitter bars and adding coconut oil and sugar.





But it still tasted pretty nope.

Then out of a grocery store that's not our regular place, some sweet news: The Green and Black and Divine MILK chocolates work!








-

The Telling

It's like we are hoarding
their journeys, songs, stories
their trauma alone, icy, burning

It is in the dripping of pain
from the empty sky, empty day,
the scrim of our red, weeping hearts

What rends us, is the vatic cry
of all the children calling, calling,
calling our names, even as we sleep

***

In the Light

I mean there are things drowning in my EYEballs on the regular,
my skin circles me as I shed, my face turns toward me, expectantly
listening as my voice--out there--somewhere, fizzes like a walkie-talkie.

No one is sure where we are anymore, and if they are, we yell "fake! fake"
until they turn and blip away. It is an autumn morning inside a beautiful painting
drunk on beauty, high on drugs, wandering around in something someone made up.

Sometimes our laughter or tears escape us slowly, and we try to urge them on:
be free, be free of us! You can do it! Then life feels like a summer afternoon--so very
long, all about the waiting, words breathing themselves to life--trying to find their source.

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Reflections

L indulgently pauses on hikes to let me take pictures because I say I will need these beloved summer sights to get through winter. 

This week is all about basic simple accomplishments--like our movie hat trick--three movies in as many days. We saw Toy Story IV (awww!), SpiderMan: Far From Home (YAY!!), and--while Nu was at her sleepover--Midsommar (Bleccchh!)

I get to meet L again today for lunch when I get another chance to say goodbye to Y before she heads home to Cuba.

Also, I am behind on all the things I need to finish at work and I will need to at least start working on those things if I want to stop waking up in the dark filled with dread.

-

Electrifying

All electric, 

capable of getting me to work 

and back on a single charge.  

This morning, 

even before the first cup of tea, 

I went to peek at this hardworking baby.

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