Two Months +

I was hit with an intense wave of nostalgia for things the way they used to be a few months ago when I stopped by college to water my plants and pick up some books.

Plants are doing fine;
i need to tidy some shelves.

I didn't see ANYONE--it made me yearn for colleagues or students and prompted me to wonder if the somewhat outdated model of faculty offices would be another casualty of the pandemic.

Will all the years of shared office space through grad school and adjuncting, yearning for an office of my own, and then finally earning an office with a tiny window have been for nothing?

At read me his thesis on John Brown as we drove north, and we were both surprised how quickly we seemed to get to the Maple River.

I am Loved, I am Enough

 I just needed a reminder of love today. Last week, I didn't get a teaching award I was nominated for (it went to someone amazing, but I still feel sad.) and today in student evals in addition to the usual notes about grading and reading load, a student suggested that I had made them feel stupid and that I wasn't "fond" of them. The one thing I always want to do is create a safe space and teach with tenderness, so that comment cut me so bad.

On top of it all, my planner has consistently been showing me that while I have been doing alright taking care of the fam, myself, and home, I consistently have little to record in the professional section--I'm not writing, editing, publishing. I need to stop cycling through distracting myself through every media available to me.

Family Pic (J/K)

I mean--family pic for sure, just not my own 😊.

We found this large family on an early morning hike. It was just me and L going quite fast--so for an hour at least, it felt like pre-Covid days...

Still a few letters to write for students headed to grad school and some guest lectures and appearances for colleagues teaching Spring Term. But otherwise just an ordinary day, stuck at home with family. And I enjoy both home and family and am so so so grateful for both, but the boredom is nevertheless real.

The Other World

I had to make a quick trip to college to pick up some books and papers... and felt like a phantom. I didn't expect to see teaching colleagues, and I didn't. But I'd thought admin were still around given the volume of daily emails, but they weren't. My desk calendar was stuck at March 14th... has it really been that long?! My office plants mostly weathered my spectacular negligence--the geraniums were even in full bloom! A couple of the pothos had developed tired, yellowing leaves though and the ivy had browned. I did a quick water, prune, and replant in 20 or so minutes, picked up the stuff I'd come for, and dashed.

The nice part of the the trip back was dropping off birthday presents for KB and SS, baklava for JG, and a gift for KM (from Nu).  It was nice and it took longer than I'd planned because everyone (incl. KM's dad) wanted to chat. When JG and I set of for a quick stroll we had 45 mins and the timer to turn back went off at the corner of her street because we'd run into colleagues and had chatted for 22 mins.

It was a good thing dinner was (by kids' decree) takeout from Pizza 1. I picked up their order at 4 and made it home by 5, just in time for TV and cuddles.

Monday Magic

It's a good day when it begins with Nu doing a magic trick for the puppy sibs and Huck responds with a standing trick of her own.

Today marked the start of official lesson plans from Nu's school district, At finished up his final project for the term, I turned in my grades, Big A is on back-to-back shifts... kind of a momentous Monday for these times.

Something Pesky

I'm trying to be upbeat on social media, but I MISS MY STUDENTS SO MUCH.

The little things I've done that students have thanked me for this week... ugh... crying on a timetable every two hours. 

Things people have posted about the pandemic that have bugged me (no pun intended)

serenity now!
(MSU Healing Gardens walk with L yesterday)

Corona and COVID-19 jokes or names e.g. "Corona Times," Corona Hug," "COVIDEO," etc.

People are dying, my Big A is on the front-lines here, I didn't get to even end the semester properly with my students, and I'm not in the mood for your stoopid jokes.

(Never mind that I made similar jokes a week ago and the kids still do.)

Relief that it doesn't affect people who are healthy/young/don't have underlying conditions. 
I know and love too many people in each of those categories and I can't believe you're saying it out loud where people who are at risk can hear you.
(Never mind that the thought has crossed my mind too, and I'm grateful I'm not at additional risk.)

Praise for the slower pace of life
Why the heck did it take a global pandemic for you to get in touch with yourself/read/craft/enjoy music and art/spend time with your kids?
(Don't mind me, I'm just grumpy that all this time I love, love getting with the kids is offset by all the time I'm not getting with Big A.)

Happiness about the recovering earth: dolphins in Venice, drunk elephants in China, whales in New York, all that.
Ok, that is actually so cute.
(Even if it appears to be all fake.)

New Hires

My teaching assistants were great this term, but since we're all only online now and I don't see them anymore, I hired these guys (for the price of two fake-beef chewies).

Love in the time of Corona

I couldn't completely give up on family dinners, so this is how it is now with Big A on one side and the rest of us clustered on the other side.

It was a strange day that felt like the beginning of a war. The email cancelling in-person classes after today had come in at midnight, so I knew driving in that it was the last day. Then I got stuck in a convoy of military trucks on the highway, and it felt like being in the middle of a post-apocalyptic movie. I hammered out an asynchronous schedule for next week; had Big A order At to come home asap; attended a service at the chapel for graduating seniors who are absolutely crushed that commencement is "postponed," and teared up a few times myself; met with my Friday class and let them vent about having to go home/their dashed hopes for choir-band-track/fears about the virus itself; followed the senior playing bagpipes around campus for a while; heard singers practicing "Loch Lomond" on the steps of the library; and then made my way home. I have the feeling all the sweet details of campus life are going to come back to haunt me as this disruption intensifies.

Going(s) on

 Found this as my advisee S and I walked over to the registrar's office, and it gave us both a chuckle.

We've been told that we'll suspend in-person classes after April 3rd; and the delay has colleagues anxious, and students cynical that the date was chosen because it's the last day to request a housing refund.

The tea

MacCurdy Women's House's now annual "International Women's Day Tea," and I always chuckle at this Eleanor Roosevelt quote in the dining room.

Over the weekend, I'd received an email from ME, who'd been an exchange student (Russia) a couple of years ago, she wrote: "Dear Maya, hello! Today is International Women's Day and I would like to say some kind words to you! I wish you to have strong health, excellent mood, a lot of energy and more time for devoting yourself to things that bring you a genuine pleasure! I remembered you today, because it was your who sparkled my interest in women's studies two years ago, and called me a feminist..."

Did I choke up when I read that? Yup, I did. I think about students for years after they've left; and this made me too feel remembered... seen. She shared some updates about a DV bill in Russia, and I, in turn, shared her news during other conversations over tea. I have so much hope in young people.

Welcome

It was our honors society induction today. I'd been working on this for months, liaising with students, the international HQ, colleagues, catering, engraving, RSVPs, dues, and on and on. So I'm glad this went well, everyone was happy and well fed, I got a ton a compliments on how it turned out, and that it's over.

Next time though, perhaps I should make a better effort and speak at the event instead of begging a dear colleague to do it for me.

Deep breath; now back again

Winter break has been lovely, and for the first time in forever, I feel like I did a bit of all the self care I'd been yearning for months--walks! yoga! haircut! massage!

Now to head back to the rest of this term. I hope my students have had a restful de-stressor as well; and if I've done my job well, they'll be ready for the rigors of research and presentation in the next eight weeks.

March Onward! (Ha. Happy March!)

Winter Break Monday

 Woke up unhurried and unpanicked, and then a walk, a book, lots of tea, and cuddles.

Monologues

MacCurdy thespians put together an amazing performance of Eve Ensler's A Memory. Monologue, Rant, and A Prayer and I'm so glad I stayed.

It does mean I'll be back on campus in less than 10 hours for a committee meeting, and it does mean I'll have missed family dinner, and Nu's bedtime... but still worth it.

Students--and what they're capable of--fill me with hope.

Strange Angles

A student has had their paper accepted to a conference, and I'm here with them in the Broad coffee shop, going over all the angles of their argument and being an encouraging audience.

In my WGS intro, we were talking about Georgia O'Keefe and Zaha Hadid and their reshaping of their fields in somewhat gyno-centric ways--and they loved it. Wish there was enough time to bring them to the Broad this term.

Mine

A couple of students interviewed me (and 41 others) for their "performing advocacy" class last term, and this term some of the interviews were spliced together as a play.

The little vignette of the nine-year-old bulked up by the comforter he's carrying up the stairs in the middle of the night, not hearing his parents asking "who's there?" because he has his headphones in, and in real danger of being mistaken for an intruder? That nine-year-old is my At. 

Gray and Grrr

Um. Wow. I went into the garage to see if I had left my tea flask in Bluey, and was HORRIFIED TO FIND I HAD NOT PLUGGED HER IN WHEN I GOT HOME YESTERDAY. There was about a 36% charge, but that isn't enough to get me to work and back.

(I blame the excessively celebratory homecoming reception I received when I pulled in from work yesterday, and all three resident family members--Big A, Scout, and Huck--just kind of descended on me, all loud and huggy. I regret nothing, however. 💓)

Big A rushed home so I could take his car to work, but the scare I got when I realized I didn't have enough juice to get to work nicely shocked me out of my early morning haze. Coming back was a  nightmare that took twice as long as usual as everyone was going 40 mph and there were at least 15 cars that had skidded off the road (though thankfully, cars and people seemed ok) as a cautionary reminders.

In teaching news, I've had two students tell me in the last two days that they had looked forward to taking my class, but now that they're here, they don't like it. 😕

"Take on Me"

I listen to NPR on the way to work and 80s and 90s pop on the way home. When friend C was contemplating a move and the longer commute, she told her therapist this quirk I'd shared with her, and according to C, she and her therapist pumped their fists into the air and yelled "yes!"

I don't know where I'm going with this story, but this evening, a car with the license plate "AHA" showed up just as "a-ha" turned up on the stereo. And I'm here to tell you that "Take on Me" holds up. It's a great song.

Collaborateur

I did some voice taping for two colleagues, and their dance-film Uprooted is in a bunch of small film festivals all over the place, so that's one kind of collaboration. But also, At is in this production, and this may be our first (and only) film collaboration.