A Long Way from Home/Normal/Ideal

 Big A is in front of the tree;
Nu and At are in the foreground...
for the kids, their first time out of the house since March!

NAACP march to the capitol today. We heard several stirring and compelling speeches; the youth speakers were especially impressive. I wish this time our momentum results in change that will support rather than punish BlPOC.

And I wish I could say it felt good after, but I came home and fell apart: I had a thunderstorm-induced headache, cried because an article had to be changed from MLA to Chicago style, and  couldn't even rouse myself to make dinner... At made grilled cheese for himself and Nu,  Nu fed Scout and Huck, Big A got some delivery, I ate a tub of colorful chips... everyone survived.

I feel like I did a A LOT of railing, crying, and whining (mostly to a very kind and listening Big A), and the kids seemed to play a lot of video games and sang a lot of "It's a long, long way to Ba Sing Se"--ostensibly to cheer me up.

Round and Round

The day began with what we thought looked like a sky smile (you can see it better if you kinda squint a little like we used to have to in the olden times with magic eye pictures).

Lots of work through the day including the hard work of discussing Robin DiAngelo's White Fragility with colleagues at my PWI.


I ended the day by making really, really pretty bowls of poke for dinner. It was my 'Boss Day' so the kids helped extra, and shelled all the edamame, grated the veggies, and shredded the nori. All this despite being tired (Nu) and stressed (At--from his thesis). So much love.

We have been watching two eps of Avatar: The Last Airbender (free on Netflix RN) after dinner--like it's a prescription. I've watched the show passively before--when At used to catch eps out of order on Nickelodeon in the oughts and then again when Nu rediscovered it via At's DVDs a few years ago. But this is really my first time paying attention to the dialogue.What a sweet show! And apparently we're not the only ones taking solace in this classic in these times of strange and change.  (Also, the kids seem to get a kick out of finding out the sanskrit origins of terms like "Agni Ki" and "Bumi" from me.) 

Ha... Ha... Happiness

Still a bit weary--but this picture's sole purpose is to make me chuckle. At is in his "Prestige Worldwide" tee and a Wonder Woman apron, with hesitance about plunging his hands into the dough displayed in every inch of his being. (The long-ago speech therapist was right--sensory play is the answer.) And of course, being in the kitchen with At is its own happiness too.

I guess I would not have felt so hurt yesterday if I were working on a good project... and I have identified a couple of writing projects I could tackle. I haven't actually started them or anything though. Haha.

Receiving and Handling

These lovely flowers from L and T yesterday and a giant thing of hand sanitizer they found somewhere--it was a porch drop off made of Purell pure love.

I've been isolating from the kids because of having been exposed last week (we think), and have been making the kids dinners (masked and gloved) that "feel like a hug" to make up for the lack of physical contact. They're calling these "hug dinners" and have asked and received chickpea salad, mint chicken (rotisserie-style chicken with a whole bunch of mint leaves and ghee) and puff pastry pizza.

Yesterday they wanted nachos and hmmm--meeting that request while also honoring the family health chart requirement of significant protein and including all five colors of veggies was challenging. But I met it like a champion--veggie sausage, mixed frozen veggies, and beans cooked with onions and taco seasoning and semi-pureed so the whole thing took on the consistency of refried beans. And that's how we met the requirement even before adding the usual toppings (chopped onion, salsa, avocado).

Countdown and Cope

People have been asking me how I am, and I have to say--I'm great!  I dreaded the countdown to Big A's departure, but now I get to countdown to his return from NYC!

I'm booked so solid today, I doubt I'll even have to time to miss him. Work meetings to discuss campus contingencies, a panel presentation on social justice in my colleague's class on pandemics, a hike with L, and book discussion with the 'Food for Thought' people. Then dinner prep and dinner with the kids.

From yesterday's picture, it would seem coping involves midday Margaritas, all the Oreos, and the last twenty pages of The Great Believers I saved so I could be anguished over something unrelated to saying goodbye to Big A.

Looking Up

Made some good progress clearing debris from the garden beds, dredged leaves from the pond, found two morels, and would have worked some more in the garden, but I stepped in something yucky (bad puppies!!) and temporarily lost my will to live.

But seriously--the hope of planting veggies fills me with hope. It signals things like: *happening in the future* and *moving forward* and I need that right now.

After all, the lockdown seems like an infinite present, where cancelations and uncertainties abound: no biennial August family reunion in Montana; Dear Evan Hansen tickets on hold for a year; no idea if classes will be online on in-person come fall...

At was inducted into the national history honor society, so we celebrated today as "History Day." I made him a timeline of all the places we've lived, and taught him how to make mango lassi; he picked a historical movie for the fam to watch--Philadelphia, which ties in nicely to what I'm reading--Rebecca Makkai's wonderful The Great Believers.

Feeling 21

At's bright smile, 21 birthday candles collapsing into the Bananas Foster, and my hurried, clumsy picture... but At's bright smile!

Big A, Nu, and I (and Scout and Huck) had fun decorating the table and making a "boozy" dinner (ravioli in vodka marinara, bourbon-blackened salmon and veggies, Bananas Foster), looking at old At baby pictures, and celebrating the fiercely compassionate, delightfully mellow, and cheekily erudite firstborn. He loved all his presents--the party planning essentials, the new Michael Yates book, cheese aficionado tools, and our big spend--the Dyson hot/cold fan/air purifier thing he can take to his bedroom now and dorm/first apartment etc. later.

At had originally (months ago) wanted to have a family dinner and go out to a bar with friends, but modified his plans to a Zoom "Conspiracy Theory Party" because of the lockdown. I heard him kind of cackling long after midnight, so I think that part went well too.

😍🥰😍😘🥰😍 

Pre-dinner Deliciousness

I think so, anyway...





and Scoutie seems to agree.

Sunday, Fuzzy Sunday

A quick walk with L and R while we talked about the first section of The Overstory, and this bit of green with the trees and farmhouse in the distance was pure serendipity. Talking about the book with R who's reading it for her bookclub tomorrow,  reminded me so much of feeling the tug of that book pulling me out into the unknown, and the running list of unfamiliar words I started keeping as I waded deeper into it. This would be the perfect time to reread it, actually.

KB, yesterday's birthday girl, and SS, last week's birthday girl, wanted to do a smaller Zoom chat this afternoon, and lots of gaffes and laughs ensued. When K said "quarantine poetry," I thought she'd said "horny poetry" and nodded a bit too enthusiastically. Speaking of... no walk with Big A today, but I pulled together a really nice lemony, chicken-meatball soup using up all the garnish-y stuff from our Indian takeout earlier this week and the eggplant that might have ended up in the compost heap soon. And it went great with the rosemary fougasse we'd baked yesterday. Home Ec success.

Socializing (Distance-style)

A (Zoom) bake-along with PM, whom I wrote about a decade or so ago and 23 of her fans and their kids (Nu is in one of the tiny top frames)!

And while the dough was proofing, a spot of tea and and a chat with L who brought her sling chair along to sit in the driveway while I perched on the porch. And an hours-long intercontinental Zoom chat with cousins to start things off in the morning!

Simply put:

  

That's it; that's the post.

Big Girl

One of our busiest hikes at Harris Nature Center today--my four kids, L&T; B&L, V&C, plus CF and VC and JS and, and...

I've been feeling... sad is the best way to describe it. And as the human kids traveled up and down the hike group chatting away, I brought up the rear with just the puppy kids, giving myself permission to be alone for a while.

Back home, we made a pantry-sourced, vaguely Thai-inspired soup with sweet potatoes, beans, veggies, lemongrass, ginger, basil, and coconut milk, and then settled in to finish watching the Gerwig adaptation of Little Women after dinner with Big A.

Ever since I won a copy of LW in fourth grade, I've steadily read most of Alcott's novels, contributed to the Alcott encyclopedia in grad school, and generally adore her--that I loved this adaptation with its duplex ending so much means something.

The kids had already seen it with the grands in OH when it first came out, and I found it so sweet the way they watched my reaction as they re-watched the movie with me. Also, they think it's hilarious to call it "Big Girls."

Love in the time of Corona

I couldn't completely give up on family dinners, so this is how it is now with Big A on one side and the rest of us clustered on the other side.

It was a strange day that felt like the beginning of a war. The email cancelling in-person classes after today had come in at midnight, so I knew driving in that it was the last day. Then I got stuck in a convoy of military trucks on the highway, and it felt like being in the middle of a post-apocalyptic movie. I hammered out an asynchronous schedule for next week; had Big A order At to come home asap; attended a service at the chapel for graduating seniors who are absolutely crushed that commencement is "postponed," and teared up a few times myself; met with my Friday class and let them vent about having to go home/their dashed hopes for choir-band-track/fears about the virus itself; followed the senior playing bagpipes around campus for a while; heard singers practicing "Loch Lomond" on the steps of the library; and then made my way home. I have the feeling all the sweet details of campus life are going to come back to haunt me as this disruption intensifies.

March Forth!

 A happy birthday. Went into my one class this morning beaming like a goofball to the delight of the teenagers in the room. I already felt spoiled by visits and presents at work but home spoiling was even more intense: strawberry cupcakes and cuddles and then dinner at Ruckus Ramen and presents with my loves. 😍 

Saturday Hiking Club Day

Big A is in NY chasing cars and At is working on his women's center training, so it's just the puppies, Nu, and me.

After an icy hike through Harris Center (ski poles were used!) and a Target run, it's pajamas and pizza and Brooklyn 99 time.

Monologues

MacCurdy thespians put together an amazing performance of Eve Ensler's A Memory. Monologue, Rant, and A Prayer and I'm so glad I stayed.

It does mean I'll be back on campus in less than 10 hours for a committee meeting, and it does mean I'll have missed family dinner, and Nu's bedtime... but still worth it.

Students--and what they're capable of--fill me with hope.

Here's EVERYONE!

We're walking over to the Wharton Center for the "We Shall Overcome" concert with Damien Snead soon, but first a quick Valentine's Day potluck with so many lovely beloveds. 💓 

Big A said it was "quite unsettling" to feel so short (T and L are nearly up to 7 ft!) and hahahahaha. HAHAHHAHAHA. HAHAHA.

(Don't miss Scout's fluffy tail as he looks for "under-the-table" surprise treats.)

Where's At at?

First At wanted tickets for himself and a friend.

Then he decided he wasn't coming. So I gave his ticket to someone else.

Then he decided he wanted to go after all.

College kids!!

But the younger sibs miss their silly Nana... So I got an additional ticket online.

It's nicer than our original set of tickets actually, and I may just go sit in it by myself.

Where's Dada? (Where's At?)

 Just me and the babies (Nu, Scout, Huckie) at dinner today. Big A was too sick for the soup that was meant to make him feel better and At's at college, of course--but I don't know that Scout and Huckie (or I!) get that. They still go scampering to claw his door open every time I ask "Where's Nana?" (And I ask that a lot!)

Bare Necessities

A million years ago, I instituted "Health Charts" for the family--everyone had to exercise at least once a day and eat five colors of food every day.

Last night, Big A and I (Nu is at camp until Friday) made some of my favorite things for dinner: four egg sammies, two ginger-sesame avocados, and a big spinach, apple, and goat cheese salad. And I ended up eating all of it, because Big A is post-call and was so tired... and then ended up falling asleep while hanging out with me, so I had seconds. (I must be terrific company!)

When I woke up this morning, I saw this sad picture Big A had texted to family chat pretending he had tried to meet the five-color rule.

Bahahahaha.