Things I'm Oddly Proud About

I haven't pinned/liked/emulated any decor-porn with those mounted animal heads. Not even if they were obviously fake or were TOY stuffed animals. Just. No.

(Or as Baby Nu used to say: No! Very, very, NO!)

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When Mom's making dinner but you want treats

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Friendship as a butterfly

I did not expect a big crowd 

for my feminist-y Bollywood 

faculty forum presentation

Since so many fellow feminists 

were headed to Grand Rapids

on a bus, for a board meeting

but Nu was there 

(reading, grinning, asking Qs)

and lovely K made me a post-it butterfly 

in case I was stuck for luck.

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A Reminder

Together @ Sister Solidarity March, Lansing

I thought At's poster was a bit... leaky, 

but he got so many compliments on it.

Not to be too sappy about it,

but I love my students.

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Made it through today

I don't teach today, thankfully. K held a wake/media boycott of sorts at the bookstore and came bearing postcards for our senators. I showed up there, but was still shellshocked from the inauguration. I believe in deus ex machina.  Then I went back to my office and read held a book.

After dinner (Chipotle # Resistance Party), left Nu with Big A after dinner and went to go see Split with At... Who had seen it with friends earlier today (At is a huge Shyamalan fanboy). Not that reality isn't scary enough.

We tried to get into the 9:20 show, but it was sold out (!) and so we sat through LaLaLa-the mediocre high school musical movie--before we went to the 11:55 showing. And *then* went food shopping at 2:00 a.m. and marinated and prepped until about 4:00 a.m.

Exhaustion will get me through whatever day it is right now.

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NuNu is ready for the revolution

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Consumed

The children have left me
with this changed body
that holds onto their shapes
as though they're still inside

And the gulp of lovepride
worrylove happybrightfear
and other odd couplings
on the lip of my heart


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Yesterday, lingering after dinner, smirky and teasing (and full of love), At and Nu told me that even if I was in a nursing home on Thanksgiving, they'd make sure to visit me (and feed me mashed potatoes). 

One more reason this week's going to be terrible for us...

Both of us 

had put a copy of 

Essence Magazine's commemorative issue on the Obamas

in the other's surprise

Christmas stocking...

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Reader

The sky has never been a wall
it has no borders to speak of
it takes my troubles everywhere

It's true that light is rationed--
but it's abundant by my birthday
(though scant at Christmas)

So I can read a book all day,
All Day. In a cinnamon haze
my sweet, dusty feast

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Moving

Today I have been moving
things across the table
as though a sudden ballerina
a flex of muscle and will
the shock of movement

Tomorrow's move might
well be a glacier
skeletal, powerful,
a dance in the register
of eras


Also, I love this silly song.

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Warmth

Sometimes it is the surprise present 

an old, dear friend slipped 

into our luggage as we said goodbye 

(a present I didn't find until weeks later 

because I left for the conference 

the very day we got home)

that is the sweetest

and warmest.

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On Being a Life-long Learner

So a dear (old) student posted this on FB, and I agreed with it so whole-heartedly that I typed 'YES' in all caps. Then I got a little self-conscious about my all caps and tried to explain with "This election has turned me into that crazy, old lady who types in all caps." Instead I ended up going with: "This election has turned me into a person who types in all caps." Because "crazy," "old," and "lady" shouldn't be insults. Sometimes, I'm my own best student.

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Opening

on the seams of my skin
longing's
cyclone lament

once we were hungry

face to face
hand in hand
an eye for an eye

admiring in the orchards

quarreling;
the moon hemmed
in the tallest branches

wordy memories of feasts

the soar of the sky
the sail of my cries
the crest of a smile

on the seams of my skin


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YES

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Home Again

blueprints

assert architecture

photographs

foster green secrets

and every night

we feel starlight

every day, clouds

hold our hands

floating possibility,

parting the sky

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Carrying Baby 2 versus Baby 1

LOVES it!



HATES it!


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We've never had a real wood stove before

It's mesmerizing

and makes us smell like 

we're far better campers 

than we actually are

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Love Truths

Got home after four days of conferencing today, After dinner, Big A went upstairs and fell asleep, and then the kids went to bed, and then I made a late-night grocery-store run.

He showed up as I was putting groceries away and stood there (not helping!) throwing and catching a cauliflower (not helping!) and... I must have given him a speaking side-eye. To which he responded:

Oh. I didn't actually come downstairs to help you. I came because I missed you so much and wanted to see you. *Grippy-Hug*

This thing is sweet AND tough.

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Conference Banquet

It was a great #SALA2017, and so glad I got to co-chair it with some wonderful and generous people. Here's a picture blurry enough to post without multiple permissions.

First Writing Project Together...

Saved as a Google doc with the super-serious title "BigDogandPuppy Project."

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Second Christmas

In YS, and the only picture I got all weekend was of the grandparents' goodbye...

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Lost in 2016

It's got to a point where I woke up around 3:00 am this morning to refresh NYT to see if there'd been anyone else after George Michael and Carrie Fisher.

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Happy Everything

Formally Dressed

O Reindear

NuNu has been wearing her X-Mas jammies
(which have penguins in honor of her school writing project)
for at least 24 hours;
At slipped into his this morning.

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Architect Elf

Winter's Fangs

Like an Angel: Nu's concert

Before Things Change

A visit to Washington, D. C.

"Arrival Times"

After three different emails with that ambiguous subject heading, K and I finally got together with our respective human offspring to go see Ted Chiang's stupendous, extraordinary, etc., etc. sci-fi short story turned movie Arrival.

It broke me. It's intensely emotional and threw me for a loop (haha). And the small blazes of happiness were because At worked out and shared the reveal way before it happened and my Nu pointed out in the first few minutes that "Come back to me" was used as a refrain. Before she lost interest in the movie and took a tiny snooze.

Speaking of which, it's the first movie in a long, long time that I didn't slip a nap into. I even napped during--please don't tell my kids--The Force Awakens.

Although they've known all about it for years.

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Post-Thanksgiving

FIL and step-MIL came to visit the day after Thanksgiving and rather than feed them T-day leftovers as I did last year, I made ramen (with really nice broth, loads of fresh veggies, and lots of add-in toppings: peanut sauce, kimchi, roast chicken, fried eggs).

At the end of the meal, step-MIL says, "thanks for dinner.. it was really simple and..." And she just trails off. Healthful? Flavorful? No. Nothing. I don't think she was trying to diss my food, it was more like she genuinely lost interest in completing that sentence.

This morning--being back in the kitchen reminded me--and I started to giggle about it and had to explain to the kids why. At says, "Yeah, I noticed that too." So we giggled some more.

And it's been our response of choice to everything..."It's really simple and..."

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Thanksgiving

Quiet, just us. But it turns out that there's so much to be thankful for. I read some of these entries and 

I weep from happiness and pride.

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XC Banquet

The last time At will make Coach D cry...

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Student of the month :) (More like sweetheart of the ages)

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I solemnly swear

HOLY

FUCK.

NOW WHAT?

The kids and I turned up at the Mall for the rally, but they had already taken off... we did catch sight of them at College Corner though. They were magnificent.

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A snippet from today

Nothing is the new normal.

But my kids are lovely.

We now live an hour away from work/school. And Mondays are especially long. At takes a course at the college, so we're here for 13 hours (8 am to 9 pm).

Today, I picked At up, we got our overdue flu shots, we got supermarket sushi, we got Nu from her Girls on the Run meeting, and had dinner in my office.

At was droning on about some election geekery. Nu and I looked at each other and simultaneously started humming Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" while At rolled his eyes. So we hummed louder and with flourish and Nu grabbed a chopstick and started air-conducting. It was a small, sunshiny spot of the usual crazy in an otherwise rushed and sad time.

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The Resistance

\




The DJT 

https://www.thedjtr.com/  Resistance

Giving me life...

These Joe Biden memes are the only bright spot right now.
At is compiling these on a subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/JoeInTransition/

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An Hour of This

On the way to work today.

Thankfully, kid school was canceled

so I didn't have to juggle drop off

with office hours.

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Knock-Knock

As she dawdled over breakfast (as my kids do err'yday)

she told me that when I had knocked on her window 

to let her know "snooze" time was over

and that she needed to *wake up now*

the knocking had become a part of her dream.

(Someone was showing her a script 

that had the words: "No, No, No"

And as they read it, they thumped the desk.)

P.S.

This photo is apropos of not much

but I keep it on my desktop

and it makes me smile.

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Royal Blood

Story 1

After the parade with the other homecoming "court" families, I took the rained-on grandparents and younger sibs home to dry off, while Big A went to his night shift. So... At was all by himself when he was "coronated" as homecoming king. The video his teacher posted of the "coronation" makes me sad--At's standing all alone while all the other kids have at least one family member there. 

Story 2

I've been getting out of puppy poop-picking up and other gross family chores by jokingly claiming that I have royal blood via the padma vellama Dorakanti heritage. I don't believe in all that B.S., obviously, and I was merely being facetious. But I didn't realize how seriously the youngest human in the family was taking it until the day A asked Nu to do her "peasant" chores and she rounded on him savagely and lashed out: "Yeah, Dad! I get it from *you*." This happened at least a year ago, but we're still laughing every time we quote it.

And that's it. Two stories connected tenuously by the theme of royal blood/me being awful.

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New House; Same Folks

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Yeezy love

The pink Polo shirt is a nice literary reference :).

A List

I hear you
empty hands,
open mouth,
at my back

I watch till all
the anger boils,
pops, peels, and
I have no choice

but to face you.
I fill my lungs
with screams,
devour the day.

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New House

The trees tense like a tide

tunneling the sky's ocean

tree skin like coins peeling

from Lakshmi's lotus hand


Their roots keep buckling--

letters unpinning addresses

grow lichen hair, to honor

bodies/words not yet here

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The Ladies Finger

Don't know how I first came across it, but I love this blogzine--irreverent, honest, charming, and pathbreaking. It seems to be written and produced in India, but it's a great read for anyone with transnational feminist sensibilities.

First-Day-of-School Picture

Today, I dropped them off at school,
And later today, their picture makes me
look for them--a limp forerunner of our future

On Facebook,
it's people swearing (like with &%$# words)
how unbelievably big they've gotten

It's people remembering the 17-year-old
as a two-year-old clutching my hand
by the elevators

I want to lie down in the middle of my office,
close my eyes, and try to remember for myself
the years that are now ghosts

I swear they're the same from day-to-day
nevermind the stranger interpretations
my camera conjectures from year to year

*

Does this nonsense end?

Prehistoric Massacre Hints at War Among Hunter-Gatherers

"The bones at the lake, in northern Kenya, tell a tale of ferocity. One man was hit twice in the head by arrows or small spears and in the knee by a club. A woman, pregnant with a 6- to 9-month-old fetus, was killed by a blow to the head, the fetal skeleton preserved in her abdomen. The position of her hands and feet suggest that she may have been tied up before she was killed."

It reminded me of the open of the second season of The Leftovers, a show I watched religiously, helplessly, piteously-sometimes asking the family to be extra kind to me because I'd be watching it that day.

Après le diner

It's not much, really.
But, I can tell

our week's dinner
from the small aches

the burns and scalds,
and nicks they wrought.

But it is the half-eaten plate
that brings heartache.

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Ommm Grrr Ruff!

My loves have been barking at the 

Bodhisattva all morning.

Enlightenment ain't easy.

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Taxonomies

There are many types of dragons

but only three basic groups. (Nu)

Happy as a Clam

sculpting these at the Gender Symposium today.

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On your mats...

Gender Diaries

TL; DR

I ask: Have you wondered...

Student replies: not before this class.

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First Rule of Cousins' Club

It's always time to jump on beds.

(Cambridge, MA)

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Baby's First Business Trip

It was difficult to have At 

at the BPA state finals in GR

and be all the way in Boston ourselves.

We teased him about the Tucker Carlson bow tie

He cited Bill Nye.

He wins.

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ACLA Hotel (2016)

Kinda panopticon/Big Brother/

creepyyy af

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College Visit

Only One Alma

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Only Love

The Farmhouse, Nashville.

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Wishes (Jacob Philadelphia)

I've stashed this picture in so many folders...

that on my birthday, the kids printed it 

off the internet again (Sorry, Pete Souza)

and stuck it a frame for me to hang.

I'm fine with a third term.

If you need more: Why I Created #ObamaAndKids

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