Monday, October 23, 2006

Discovered at the Mall

It’s not everyday that you walk out of a shoe store flushed with happiness at finding the perfect pair of boots. You know, boots that you fell in love with the second before you actually turned and saw them fully? THOSE boots.

And yes, as I was saying, i walked out of the store flushed with happiness and someone walks out after me and gives me their business card, that says they’re VP of Operations at Ralph Lauren, and says to call them because they have a job for me.

I brushed him off. I was either so happy with my new boots or prickly about a stranger talking to me. Actually--prickly about a male stranger talking to me. Paraya mard. Not pariah mard, obviously--'cos i'm not like that.

I told Big A about the impromptu job offer and he said, (with TM-ed snark) “They have a position at Ralph Lauren that requires an almost PhD. ?” (Actually an ABD D.Phil, but whatever.)

I told my mom, and she immediately KNEW that it was a prostitution trap. I tried to reassure her that one has to stand in line to interview at places like that these days, but I don’t think i succeeded in convincing her.

I wondered for a while what the job could be, what the Bill Gates look-alike guy assumes my qualifications are. Sure, it could be moving boxes, but then it was at this mall, where the average consumer doesn’t do manual labor. Was my mother right--did this job offer have anything to do with the fact that I'd hiked my jeans all the way to mid-thigh all the better to assess those cute boots and my stupid knobby knees?

I finally called the guy out of curiosity--they’re doing an in-house fashion show (a really small thing, in the mall) and he wanted people to walk it. Now that I’ve been discovered in a mall, i’m all clichéd.


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2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Discovered at the MALL? Like, oh my god!! That's so, like -- you know, totally fer shur tubular! Who knew -- you're so not a Joanie. I totally look forward to your way awesome bubblegum pop album.

p.s. -- are you sure your post shouldn't have read (courtesy of the valspeak translator) as follows:

Discovered at thuh Mall

It’s not everyday that you walk out of a shoe store flushed with happiness at findin' thuh perfect pair of boots. You know, like, wow, boots that you fell in love with thuh second before you actually turned and saw them fully? THOSE boots. And fer shure, like, wow, as I was like wow! sayin', fer shure, i walked out of thuh store flushed with happiness and someone walks out after me and gives me their business card, man, that says they’re VP of Operations at Ralph Lauren, fer shure, and says to call them because they have a job for me. I brushed that dude off. I was either so happy with my new boots or prickly about a freakyr talkin' to me. Actually--prickly about a male freakyr talkin' to me. Paraya mard. Not pariah mard, fer shure, obviously--'cos i'm not like that. I told Big A about thuh impromptu job offer and he said, fer shure, (with TM-ed snark) They have a position at Ralph Lauren that requires an almost PhD. ?” (Actually an ABD D.Phil, like, wow, but whatever.) I told my mom, oh, baby, and she immediately KNEW that it was a prostitution trap. I tried to reassure that chick that one has to stand in line to interview at places like that these days, like, wow, but I don’t think i succeeded in convincin' that chick. I wondered for a while what thuh job could be, oh, baby, what thuh Bill Gates look-alike dude assumes my qualifications are. Sure, like, it could be movin' boxes, like, wow, but then it was at this mall, like, wow, where thuh average consumer doesn’t do manual labor. Was my mother right--did this job offer have anythin' to do with thuh fact that I'd hiked my jeans all thuh way to mid-thigh all thuh better to assess those cute boots and my stupid knobby knees? I finally called thuh guy out of curiosity--they’re doin' an in-house fashion show (a totally small thin', mostly, in thuh mall) and he wanted guys to walk it. Now that Ive been discovered in a mall, man, im all clichéd.


p.p.s. -- what was that you were saying about emergency assists with procrastination??

maya said...

Piper!!! I laughed so much, it still hurts!

Hello, i'm maya. I live in Jersey and i'm like a total bubble-head.

:)!!